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moving from one to two children

(4 Posts)
pinksofa Sun 08-May-05 02:30:25

anyone got any tips things they wished they had known or done earlier
I am pg with d? and planning now because know that when d? born will have outside committments from the very early days and want to try and make the transition as smooth as possible for all concerened
last time was ok and same situation though had a lot of rows with dh probably because we were both so tired

suzywong Sun 08-May-05 04:48:59

congrats on you second pg
don't expect rows to abate, it's a very very hard time in terms of the strain in puts on a relationship, but if you are aware of this and don't see it as an indication of longterm problems but a phase that will ease off you will be forewarned and better able to handle it.

Um... don't overstretch yourself, physically or in terms of visitors or showing off new baby - your first child will suss that the attention is not all on them and then yo will have to sort that out ergo more hassle for you.

If you can, get dh to do bed and bathtime routine from about 7 months pg to get your first child and him used to it, if that's the only thing he does it will be the most valuable in the early days

I know you say you have outside committments but don't take on anymore between now and the birth of you second child, really. And also prepare for the worst - you may have a C section ( I' don't want to get in to one about C sections I have had 2 myself) but what I mean is you may need to recover gradually for 6 weeks so don't assume that you will be doing all the drudgery and heavy work too soon. Could you get a cleaner once a week?

It's all worth it in the long run, two kids are fab. Good Luck and hope it all goes well.

ghosty Sun 08-May-05 07:56:57

Hi pinksofa ...
Suzywong is right (as usual !!!
I was very worried about the transition of one to two mainly because I struggled a lot in the early days of DS and dreaded the thought of putting him through my struggles.
But tbh life wasn't too bad at all when DD was born ... she wasn't the massive shock to the system that DS was because I wasn't wearing rose tinted glasses this time round ... I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park and so every positive thing about a new baby was a bonus.
I didn't try to be supermum ... we had a lot of outside commitments too as DS was 4 when DD was born and so had kindergarten and soccer and swimming to do ... basically I took any help that was offered (people taking DS to Kindergarten and soccer ... offers to have him round to play etc ... offers to get my shopping etc)
I had a CS and in the first week I was in hospital, the second week my mum and dad were here and DH took the third week off work. That left me a week at home without being able to drive and that was when my friends stepped in to help ... I was well enough to drive at 4 weeks.
Night time feeds were not too bad for a couple of reasons ... a) DD was a pretty good baby and fed and slept well b) DS had always been a terrible sleeper so she was a breeze by comparison ... in fact, she slept better as a newborn than he did as a 4 yr old LOL ... and c) I actually enjoyed her night feeds as they were the only times that I had her all to myself without needing to do anything else.
I personally found breastfeeding the easiest option (bottlefed DS) as I could feed her wherever and whenever without having all the bottlefeeding paraphernalia and needing to find a means of heating milk.
Um ... I was also bowled over by the generosity of my kiwi neighbours ... people brought over casseroles and dinners for DH and me well into the second month.
Definitely agree with Suzy about getting your DH to do more with your older child BEFORE the baby is born (assuming you do most of it now) so that your older one is used to daddy doing stuff for him.
Um ... can't think of anything else right now but just want to say congratulations and enjoy it ... having two is hard work but sooooo worth it!

pinksofa Sun 08-May-05 08:27:15

thanks for taking time to reply really useful

if have cs will be stuffed as have professional exams to sit at the end of January which I am determined to sit , last time was all set for natural birth so much so had not even packed hospital bag and ds ended up in hospital as forceps baby and me a mummy with a hospital bag packed by her dh - needless to say nothing of any use in there.. no money, no nappy, no baby clothes, no st's, no food... I could go on, in mitigation dh says he was very tired and packed my bag with love
i think dh and i need to get relationship book and do some work on how we are going to cope, will prob do another post for recommendations for this what i want is a practical book with 'exercises' which help you build skills to resolve conflict without all hell breaking loose and talks of divorce etc... conflict resolution

good idea re cleaner need to find one, dh is very good re helping with ds, but approaching the birth we will commence our early to work training regime as did with ds, so that he can hopefully be home by 6ish where possible, love having breakfast with him but i am a morning person and by afternoon i start to flag
anyone more tips appreciated

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