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When will I start enjoying having 2 dc's?

(54 Posts)
shish Thu 28-May-09 20:31:08

I have ds1 2.11 years and ds2 9 weeks. I thought things might be more settled and enjoyable by now. I do have some reasonably good days, but I generally feel shattered - I feel like I am just runnning around demand feeding, toilet training, cooking, doing lots of laundry, etc. I feel like I'm not really getting chance, or don't even have the energy, to enjoy either of them at the moment.

Please tell me things will get better soon...

IwishIwasmoreorganised Thu 28-May-09 20:34:46

I'd say things settled dowm by about 4 months for me. Now ds2 is 11 months I have many more good days than bad, though I am constantly haunted by the never ending laundry and ironing piles.

It will get better and it won't take too long.

LeonieSoSleepy Thu 28-May-09 20:35:36

Message withdrawn

accessorizequeen Thu 28-May-09 20:45:12

Yeah, it does get better, honest! I found it easier by 3 months, getting better 4 months and by 5 months I thought I remembered why I wanted two At this stage with one, two or more, it is just surviving more than anything else. It only takes a small thing to change (baby has longer naps for instance) and it gets better IMO. The only thing I can suggest is photos of them separately or together - for some reason it always makes me feel better when I have a few minutes at nighttime to ponder things.
Sorry you're finding things so hard, Leonie sad I've just lost it with my ds 5.5 as he was being absolutely awful. Dreading school hols now, but I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think.

shish Thu 28-May-09 20:47:35

ellasmum1 Thu 28-May-09 20:56:50

Definatly agree with other posts- 4 mths it started to get bearable due to baby having decent naps/ some sort of routine.
Ds now 9 mths and dd 6 yrs and it feels like its always been like this- at least as enjoyable as having one child.
It will get better. I think you are at the lowest point now- novelty wears off and you are so knackered!

accessorizequeen Thu 28-May-09 21:00:27

You'll get through it, shish, we all have and you quickly forget how awful it was! You've got a 9 week old baby, you probably felt shattered with ds1 as well at this point.

shish Fri 29-May-09 09:03:24

i just feel like I never know where I stand. I feel so disorganised. I've really enjoyed ds1 until now and just want to be a good mum and enjoy my children. I feel like I might feel a little more in control if ds2 were to fall into some kind of predictable routine that's similar to ds1's. I gues like when they'r having meals and going to sleep at the same time - and like some of you have said predictable nap times.

ahundredtimes Fri 29-May-09 09:08:49

9 weeks! Give yourself a break woman!

It can't always be enjoyable, and not every moment can be filled with lightness and happiness. Remember that, be realistic. You love your children - you are a good mother, it's also hard work looking after small children. If you admit that, and give yourself a bit of room for being tired and finding it a bit hard, and stay realistic then you'll also stay sane and happy - all will be well sooner than you think. smile

cory Fri 29-May-09 09:18:00

I think about 4 months sounds right, too. The first three were certainly hellish. But
there are years of benefits ahead.

RoseOfTheOrient Fri 29-May-09 09:21:15

5 or 6 months for me - my DCs are 17 months apart. It is soooo wonderful when they start interacting. I seriously can hardly remember the first 6 months - its just a blur....
Hang in there!

LittleMissNorty Fri 29-May-09 09:24:00

My DS is 16 weeks now (and have a 23m DD) and things are just getting easier like others said, he naps, more or less sleeps through - or perhaps up once. I also realised he *does * have a routine, but I hadn't realised what that was. I was so busy sorting DD our and ignoring him, I didn't realise he'd got into his own routine. When I sat down and thought about it, it became clear, and now things are much better.

Bedtime is busy, but now I'm doing bath, feed, bed with him, things are a bit more predictable.

I'm also now over the fear of going out on my own with the 2 of them smile

The laundry was a shock as well as I have a sicky baby, but I've got into my own routine of doing 2 loads every day and changing the cot daily hmm

It will get better. Good luck smile

Weegiemum Fri 29-May-09 09:46:17

I would agree with the advice to give yourself a break about feeling bad over this. I've got 3 dc, now age 5, 7, 9 and the jump from 1 - 2 was possibly the hardest thing I have ever done - the first 6 months of ds's life are a total blur. I had PND but even without that it would have been hard going.

I know the feeling of not enjoying things. Could you try to make a little time to sit down with them - read (or tell, if you can't read and feed) a story to ds1 while you feed ds2, or snuggle up together for a nap with ds1 while ds2 is sleeping. Maybe try some easier cooking/heating up now and again to cut yourself some slack.

When does your dh/p get home? Can he do stuff with one of the boys so you can have some one on one time with the other, even if it is just bathing and putting to bed?

It does get better, I promise. It was 6-8 months for us, when ds started sleeping through. On a better note, we hardly noticed the transition from 2-3 kids at all!!

shish Fri 29-May-09 20:45:31

Dh is really good and does help with the boys when he gets home, especially at bedtime cos ds1 wants some exclusive time with me at bedtime - which is fine.

I just want life to feel less like a panic and a mad disorganised rush all the time.

stillenacht Fri 29-May-09 20:47:03

my DSs are 9 and 5 and am now beginning to enjoy it (DS2 has severe LF autism) Helps that DS1 is a lot more independent

fruitstick Fri 29-May-09 20:56:49

My DS2 is 14 weeks and DS1 ia 3. I completely understand how you feel but this week I feel better because

a) I asked someone to look after DS2 while I took DS1 swimming for an hour, I realised how little of my undivided attention he has had and how much fun he is.

b) DS2 has started to laugh and his big brother makes him laugh most of all. Also DS1 told him he loved him today.

Don't get me wrong - it's still hell on a regular basis grin

whomovedmychocolate Fri 29-May-09 21:03:52

I didn't even get time to clean my teeth when DS was that age! blush

DD is now 2.7 and DS 10 months and it's starting to come together. I say starting, they constantly push each other around, scream at each other and whine. But hey, ones a toddler and ones a newly walking urchin. Ce la vie.

You have to take your grins where you can - like when the older one encourages the younger one to sample the catfood grin or the younger one flicks fromage frais into the older ones hair then waves her off to nursery with a snort. grin

Claire2009 Fri 29-May-09 21:07:15

I'm enjoying it, dd is 3.3yo and ds is 2.1yo

HLaurens Fri 29-May-09 21:16:52

I realized things were getting much better when I was preparing dinner one day a couple of months ago. DD1 2.9 and DD2 10mths had gone strangely quiet so I went to see what they were up to. DD1 had made a "field" with cushions and DD2 was in it with soil and leaves from the pot plant all around her mouth. I asked DD1 what they were doing and she replied "I feeding the horsey mummy."

It is so great when they play together - and there are now just as many laughs as tears!

Meglet Fri 29-May-09 21:22:17

Ds is 2.6 and dd is 8mo and its becoming fun now. The first few months were crap, but I knew I had to hang on until the summer. They play together now, dd is amazingly robust for a baby and ds is very kind to her so they work well together. It still takes us 3 hours to get out the house in the morning, but that can only get better grin.

SamVimesIsMyHero Fri 29-May-09 21:28:23

Look here too, there is hope. You are at the worst stage <sympathies>

shish Sat 30-May-09 11:38:11

Just feel like crying my eyes out today. the whole day just feels like such a battle

MrsMattie Sat 30-May-09 11:45:21

I think the telling thing here is that most people who found it hard going from one to two had quite small age gaps (2.5 yrs or less) between babies, so those early days are bloody tough. The pay off will come when your youngest is walking and old enough to play with your older one, though. That's a fabulous thing grin

ellasmum1 Sat 30-May-09 11:46:22

Aw you poor thing. Is there anyone in your family/friends that could help out a bit?
It will get so much better soon I promise!

mrsruffallo Sat 30-May-09 11:47:03

MrsMattie-hello again
Are you back at work?
Haven't sen you on here for ages

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