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I felt like Britains worst parent tonight because of judgey arseholes :(

(36 Posts)
mamadiva Sun 24-May-09 23:56:00

irst of all tonight just got DS (2.11YO) bathed and ready for bed, went to get him a cup of milk at 7.10pm and heard a huge thud and scream from livingroom ran back in and DS is lying with one of the dining chairs next to him he must have been climbing on it and fell.

So I pick him up check him over seems fine then I notice blood trckling down my arm and notice a big gash under his hair so go into a panic grab cold teatowel by this point DS has stopped crying and is asking me what's wrong because I was crying hmm

I don't drive so panicking about how to get to hospital 3 miles away as no money in purse try phoning my mum and get no answer then luckily DP's mate phones and says right I'll send DP round to drive you to hospital so all fine get there she drops me at A&E doors and drives away (knowing I have no phone or money on me), 90 minutes later we are seen by doctor DS' head is glued back together and thankfully he seems fine but I am being quizzed

"Why were you out of the room"
"How long were you away"
"Do you leave him alone often"
"How did he get access to the chair"
"Is it normal for him to e left to his own devices in a room for more than 3 minutes"

By this point I am trying my hardest not to cry and could feel myself shrinking to the size of a thumbnail whilst DS is floating about happily playing with a fire engine.

So anyway after a while I guess they were satisfied I did not beat my childthey were like all is fine keep an eye bla bla bla, I get out and think right will have to ask receptionist if I can use the phone she says no there is a pay phone there is only 20p I told her I rushed out the house never grabbed my purse again she says no so off I go walking along with poor DS split head, in PJ's but luckily with shoes and big jacket on he's so heavy and was happily walking along but again I was embarressed and felt like an awful mother dragging my child througfh the streets at 9pm on a 3 mile walk, it was still light and I carried him as muc as I could but he was perfectly happy walking infact he kept saying it was a treat to be out walking at night hmm

Then of course walk past a shop and hear a gasp from a bunch of old ladies

"that's awful, only a druggie probably out her face poor child"
"you would think she'd atleast get a pram"
"little boy must be nackered"

then came the clincher when DS turned round to look at a car

"GASP oh my bloody god what on earth has she done to that childs head, bloody arsehole as if we don't see enough of child beaters on the news now we have it flaunting around the streets"

I would normally say something but at this tears were streaming down my face and I just turned round looked at them and DS smiled at them so I said does he look like an abused bloody child think before you speak you nasty old buggers.

I realise this probably made me look worse but the anger, humiliation and tiredness of the night just wore me down I feel awful dragging DS around but what else could I do?, he is in his bed sound asleep happy as larry and told me he loved me before bed so I know he does'nt hate me .

Sorry I just wanted to rant am just chilling now and had to vent.


mamadiva Sun 24-May-09 23:56:28

Oh dear that is'nt half a vent is it... blush

MsHighwater Sun 24-May-09 23:59:38

I'm really shocked that, after quizzing you about your care of your child, the hospital then sent you off out into the night to walk 3 miles! shock

emkana Mon 25-May-09 00:01:15

oh you poor thing

luvaduck Mon 25-May-09 00:03:01

I would complain to the hospital - normally they allow you to make a phone call from A+E or will call a taxi for you.

really deserves a complaint

poor you
hope you had a big glass of wine

GivePeasAChance Mon 25-May-09 00:06:03

What an awful night for you.

This part did make me chuckle (sorry): "walk past a shop and hear a gasp from a bunch of old ladies "

Where do you live where you get old ladies hanging about outside shops at 9pm? Sounds marvellous. We only get sweary teenaged boys and their half-naked 'innit' girls wink

Glad DS is ok smile

mamadiva Mon 25-May-09 00:09:52

Thank you for replying am just wynding down now with a glass of lemonade blush don't like wine

Will definately complain tomorrow, as you say seems very stupid that after quizzing me incase I have beaten my child (there is no reason to suspect this BTW) they then send me out at 9pm after asking where I live and if I drive hmm

I could scream I'm telling you, but all is well and people mentioned above are not worth the breath!

mamadiva Mon 25-May-09 00:12:13

Peas we live in a village in the Highlands so the teens are outnumbered by scary old chavs with there burberry trollies and gold plated pimp walking sticks

It was outside a Co-Op near a pub actually wonder if they had been in there watching the end of season footie LOL.

sleepyeyes Mon 25-May-09 00:17:16

Bloody hell people are so openly judge mental now a days it worrying!

Mama it sounds like you made the best of a bad situation, your son is happy and tucked up in bed ignore the twits the will be tutting at someone else tomorrow.

Nanc123 Mon 25-May-09 00:23:29

god i didnt realise that you weren't supposed to leave the room when they were nearly 3 years old - - do these people have children!! Im sorry you have had the worst day, all of those people are a holes and your son loves you so up theres!

Jacksmama Mon 25-May-09 00:40:11

Gosh how awful for you! I'm so sorry... I'd have lamped the old biatches biddies for you.

<hands Mamadiva a large glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade>

You're right to think the idiots people in A&E must not have children - you take your eyes off the little blighters darlings for two seconds and they're into something... DS smacked his head on the tile floor (!!!! shock !!!!) twice last week because I didn't react fast enough... I felt like the worst mum in my corner of the world!!! blush

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

nappyaddict Mon 25-May-09 07:20:17

Unfortunately A&E do have to ask these things if they get any bruises or injuries. It's sad but necessary especially since things like Baby P. They are just covering their back. When I was in the children's ward there was a little girl who came in with high temperature and she'd got quite a few bruises and a really bad scratch on her leg. They'd asked her some questions in A&E and had found out that her childminder had reported the bruises and also that the police had been called to the house a few days before. All the doctors were quizzing how she got them etc and the mum couldn't actually remember only the one on her leg which was from a bath ring. The doctor who's youngest dd is 21 (i went to school with her) probably had never seen one before and couldn't get a picture of it in her head and therefore couldn't understand how one could scratch a child's leg. She kept saying well i can't see how that would do it, can you get your dp to bring it in? It was a shame cos it was obvious what they were implying and you could see the mum felt about 1 cm tall.

acebaby Mon 25-May-09 09:35:14

poor you - sounds horrendous. If those nasty old biddies were so concerned about your DS, they should have offered to help. I guess that A&E have to ask questions but I'm sure they could do it in a kinder way.

2yos are so quick that they can get into that sort of trouble if you turn your back for ONE SECOND. DS1 used to come home from the toddler room in his excellent nursery (100% childproof and constant supervision), with some real shiners.

By the way, your hv will probably ring over the next few days. It's routine for all appearances at A&E by under 5s to referred to the hv and nothing to worry about.

JackBauer Mon 25-May-09 09:43:41

Oh that sounds awful, if it makes you feel any better DD1 (who is 3.6, so should be able to be left alone) has 2 bruises on her face after tripping over her own feet in the garden centre, and then falling over after spinning and cracking her head on the coffee table.
And I was about 2 foot away both times, and watching her!

I would complain about having to walk home, they have taxi vouchers for cases like this.
Agree that HV probably call, mine always does after we have been to hospital as a 'follow up' type thing.

savoycabbage Mon 25-May-09 09:44:42

What a horrible experience sad

Imagine if you could never leave an almost three year old in a room in your own house! This happened to my sister when her ds fell down the stairs. The next week he dived out of his highchair and she was too scared to take him to be checked out. They do have to ask questions but they shouldn't have made you feel so bad or sent you off into the night like that!

Old ladies love a bit of judgeiness. They should get on MN they would love it! "What, you give your child ready made pasta!!!!!!!"

Horton Mon 25-May-09 10:37:34

Good god, my DD is 2.8 and I often leave her in a room alone or in the garden pottering about while I do something important. If I didn't, we would have no clean clothes and no food to eat. You poor thing, that all sounds really stressful and horrible through no fault of your own.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella Mon 25-May-09 10:40:48

This sort of behaviour in hospitals is totally counter-productive because it makes it less likely that people will take their children into A&E when they're hurt.

I wouldn't take my kids to hospital unless I thought they were at serious risk of death or long term harm. I'm just not interested in being accused of child abuse, which it seems is now a routine risk when you take your kid to hospital.

Yes they have to cover their backs, yes they have to ask questions, but frankly parents who abuse their children are in a tiny minority and those who do will lie anyway. So the questions should be asked in a way that doesn't terrify and/ or humiliate and insult an already anxious parent and put them off coming to hospital.

As for old biddies - if they're so convinced you're committing child abuse, why didn't they call the police?

HerBeatitudeLittleBella Mon 25-May-09 10:44:15

Yes the HV will call you and if you're lucky, the doctor in A&E will have logged the accident correctly.

My DC once fell off a see-saw at a school festival and the doctor who couldn't be bothered to listen to all the details, logged it as falling off a swing. So if there had been an allegation of child abuse, it would have looked as if I was changing my story. If they're going to have procedures such as HV follow-ups, they should at least bother to log the details of any incident correclty.

WinkyWinkola Mon 25-May-09 10:46:36

Every child has accidents.

There is no way you can watch them every single second. Erm, you have to go the loo, you have to make supper, you have to get a tissue to blow your nose.

It's all part of growing up - bumps, scrapes, cuts, wounds, cracked heads, broken teeth, even bones....sometimes worse. And it's much more often than not nobody's fault.

You've had a dreadful night! I hope you are feeling a lot better today and that your DS is on the mend. You didn't commit any crime!

cocolepew Mon 25-May-09 10:56:01

I would complain to the hospital, they could have ordered you a taxi rightly.

Glad DS is ok.

alicecrail Mon 25-May-09 11:01:03

Poor you sad

If it helps, my DD (18m) has this weekend fallen off a chair (i was in the same room, but she is just so damned quick!) and bruised her finger, and an hour ago fell up the conservatory step and grazed her chin on her trike pedal!
There is only so much you can do.

As for the baby p reference, personally i think it is b*llocks. My friend had loads of questions and social sevices involved when she was a child because she had fallen off her bike (i think) and landed on her bum and had a huge bruise. I think people assume it is do with baby p, because it has been brought to our attention. IYSWIM?

SlartyBartFast Mon 25-May-09 11:03:02

actually baby p should make a difference, as shoudl victoria climbie.
poor you btw

alicecrail Mon 25-May-09 11:13:27

I know it should, but the point is i don't know if it will. Like you say Victoria Climbie should have made a difference, but that didn't help baby p.

I think in some parts of the country they are more vigilant(for want of a better word) than others. I remember a HV telling us at our post natal group that at one hospital in our area, if you go with your child to a&e the HV gets a slip telling them to check it out but they don't get any info on the injury - where it is, how it was caused etc, so the mother is telling them for the first time. I don't know if this is a better system or not.

mamadiva i must admit, the vision of the old ladies in Burberry tutting at you, did make me giggle a bit grin

edam Mon 25-May-09 11:44:24

Am shocked the A&E receptionist wouldn't let you use the phone and made you walk home. Definitely write and complain. And ignore old biddies, will have really cheered them up having something to cluck about.

Jacksmama Mon 25-May-09 15:28:16

Are you having a better day today mamadiva?

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