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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Younger Moms???!!!

46 replies

Calmriver · 05/05/2005 20:55

I am 23, and was told by some b***d in the lift the other day that I am too young to be a mom!( he didn't know how old I was, and I do look young)
He just came out and said' you are NOT old enough to be a mother! I was shocked!

I don't drink,smoke and have never been away from dd(8 months) for longer than an hour!!!

How dare he!

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sparklymieow · 05/05/2005 20:58

oh rude..... hope you blew a raspberry!!! I am 26 and have 7yr old,4 yr old, and 3 yr old and regularly get told I don't look old enough....

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darlingbud · 05/05/2005 20:59

Thats appauling. 23 is not too young to be a mother. I hate patronising people like that.

We get it at work - if you are under 40 you are "just a baby". I feel like screaming that I am most definatley not. I am an experienced professional woman of nearly 30 years who is married and a responsible mother.

I think people who express those attitudes are rude and disrespectful.

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Calmriver · 05/05/2005 21:02

Who are people to judge us? It really p**s me off! I could have decked him! I think its great being young! be back after foort wives

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Socci · 05/05/2005 21:04

Message withdrawn

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cat82 · 05/05/2005 21:04

Grrrr, just wrote this on the other thread as well. I'm 23 as well and have had stares and rude comments.
What gives people the right?! I am happy and settled, i don't smoke (except on a very, very rare night out!) i own my own house with a wonderful and supportive dp.
Age is not a factor in good parenting.
People who comment on complete strangers ages in a negative way or anything else for that matter need lessons on good manners imo!!!!!

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Newbarnsleygirl · 05/05/2005 21:07

I was speaking to a lady today and she looked at dd and said "Oh, are you a young mum?" WTF was that supposed to mean?

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darlingbud · 05/05/2005 21:10

UnbelievaBLE ISN'T IT. Look got so angry my computer strated typing in capitals and I can't spell anymore!!!

10...9...8....7...6...5...4...3...2...1...sigh

That's better. I think that people's insulting comments could also be due to jealousy.

I was called a "bairn" by a women at work just 10 years older than me. How odd was that. She was still in primary school when I was born - it hardly makes her prehistoric!!

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Calmriver · 05/05/2005 21:11

I got married when I was 20, by choice, and we are really happy! I agree with you totally!!!!

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Mimsie · 05/05/2005 21:22

lol... I was 24 when I had my DS, 23 when I was pregnant, and I was in a cab chit chatting to the driver, when he asked me if I was going out at the weekend, and I said nope those days are over am 3 month pregnant... he looked at me indignant saying: "well... there I thought you were a good girl"

he left me gobsmacked!! and there I was justifying myself that I was happily married and all (married at 22)

was fuuuuming after... hubby did point out thought that I used to be asked for ID before going into clubs caus am quite little. Still he had no right had I not been happily married etc... he would have really upset me

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derbymom · 05/05/2005 21:38

It is rude as people assume that because you are young you are irresponsible. I got married at 19 and people thought i was mad. DD is 10 months old and I am 26 - so what she's the best thing thats ever happened to me and if I'd known I'd be this happy i'd have done it years ago!!!

It really annoys me at mother and baby group when mums in their 30s call me the "baby" of the group.

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cat82 · 05/05/2005 21:38

I have to say the being married doesn't nesseceraly mean you're a good parent either, but i really, really do know what you mean
No offence meant to anyone!

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darlingbud · 05/05/2005 21:41

I don't think anyone was specifically linking the two Cat82.

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Calmriver · 05/05/2005 22:02

I agree, being married doesn't have anything to do with being a good parent, AT ALL!!!!!
You have seen some parents in town, married and horrible.x

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derbymom · 06/05/2005 14:40

No offence taken but i wasn't saying that being married makes you a better parent just that people judge the decisions that you make based on your age and take nothing else into account. there are good parents and not so good parents of all ages!

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Sapphire1975 · 06/05/2005 16:16

I had my 1st ds at 19 and was treated like a silly little girl who had clearly slept around and got pregnant, the hospital when I first went for an antenatal because they could not find my notes, asked my date of birth and assumed I must be there for a termination!!

I am now 30 and have 3 ds and still get the stupid ignorant attitude just when I need it least.
I recently had to have a scan to check my womb for tumours and the woman doing it kept on acting horrified I already had 3 kids and tried to blame me having them so young for all my problems.
(no tumours bytw)

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charleepeters · 06/05/2005 16:19

im 18 and i have an 8 motnhs old son bloody cheek it doesnt matter your age im sure your a great mom we all are! x

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Calmriver · 06/05/2005 21:04

People are far too judgemental, it's nice to know there are some other young moms out there who know what I go through at 23!

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AngelCakeUmm · 06/05/2005 21:08

Well i was 20 when ds was born and have just found out number 2 is on the way and i am 23 now i hate people like that how dare they. It's not to do with age its to do with when you feel ready grrrrr.

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Calmriver · 06/05/2005 22:39

The number of times I growl too!

You should have seen when I was pregnant!LOL

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FIMAC1 · 07/05/2005 07:45

Probably most of our parents had us in their early 20's, (mine did)

Double standards me thinks

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fostermum · 07/05/2005 07:57

when i was 8 months pregnant with first daughter i was 20, when i got on the bus DP was asked if i was half fair. god for the days lol

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Distel · 07/05/2005 08:38

I am 23 and I have a 5,3 and a 1 year old.

I struggle (on the odd occasion) when I go into town in an evening with friends to persuade doorstaff in pubs/clubs that I am 18! I don't drive, have never been abroad and keep forgetting to get one of thoose citizen card things - you think you have trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Distel · 07/05/2005 09:01

Sorry, got interupted earlier - when I had my first DS at 18 my DH (who was 34)and myself were going back to the maternity ward after giving birth, when a midwife said

"Oh, what a lovely baby - and what doeas the proud grandad think" DH just looked up and said " I don't know, we havn't told him yet" The look on her face was a picture

I do think some people are very judjemental towards young mums though - I have even been asked if all mine still see the different fathers!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I replied that their father is there evry night to put them to bed and they most definetly all have the same father (few choice explicit words were also added to this statement), the man just looked up and said - "makes a bl**dy change these days" and walked off - gobsmacked or what !!!!!!!!!

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sparklymieow · 07/05/2005 09:08

actually seeing that comment reminded me of when I was pregnant with DD1 and the Midwife asked me if DH was DS' dad...... I said to her, 'yes and its in the file if you looked' she then said 'well, it unusual for a 20 year old to come with a 2 year old and both babies have the same father....'

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vwvic · 07/05/2005 10:00

People did (and still do) say things like "their mother must be so proud- what lovely children!" Their faces are a picture when I tell then that I am . They nearly all confess to thinking I'm their au pair.

Mind you, I do only look like i'm in my late teens. I'm actually 28, DD1 born when I was 22, dd2 when I was 24. Makes me soo cross- especially when it's followed up by comments like " Aren't you lucky to look so young?"

Last week I was stopped by the police when I was driving. The officer said he stopped me because he did'nt think I was old enough to drive. He then asked it the childrens mother knew they were with me (both kids were with me). I showed him all the documentation etc, and his final comment was that he need to be sure I wasn't joyriding. I drive a Volkswagon transporter, a dirty great van FGS, hardly first choice for a joyrider I would havce thought!