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Parenting

can you teach a 21 month/toddler to be too careful

19 replies

bumbly · 15/05/2009 17:33

before anyone says i am too anxious..please give me a chance to ask my questions...mumsnet is the only place i can turn to and has been of invaluable help to me

recently been explaining the concept of boo boo to my little one but am worried may have overdone it. is that bad..he had bumped head a lot so been teaching him this

but now when on a slide, stairs, chair etc he keeps saying boo boo and seems well held back now..and stops doing anything

no win situation - let them fall and hurt

teach them and they dont try things out

but was wondering if at least saving him some bruises till he understands more/moves better was actually a good thing to do

was thinking not today when little one was just standing on top of slide not going down saying boo boo

OP posts:

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squilly · 15/05/2009 17:53

My dd's first word was 'carefull' which may give you an indication of my stance on this one . DD's now 8 and though she had a year or two there where she was fairly risk averse, she's gotten a lot braver this last year or two.

bumbly · 15/05/2009 21:25

thanks

OP posts:

ronshar · 15/05/2009 21:29

Boo boo? What is that?
I think you do need to let them find their own way, within reason obviously.

Risk assess yourself then steer your child away from the really bad stuff and hold your breath for the not so bad stuff.
DD1 is nearly 10 and so far no accidents that have needed hospital treatment.

bumbly · 17/05/2009 21:47

guess you have a point

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thisisyesterday · 17/05/2009 21:52

well, i am from the "benign neglect" school of parenting.
ie, too lazy to be constantly hovering and all that.

i would intervene if i felt there was a risk of serious injury, otherwise I leave them to it.
we've never had any terrible accidents.
children are fairly good at knwoing their limits

hf128219 · 17/05/2009 21:53

What is boo boo?

Plonker · 17/05/2009 22:00

Boo boo??

piscesmoon · 17/05/2009 22:16

I am very cautious with physical things and I think this is because I was my mother's PFB-she had relaxed by the time my brothers came along. I have followed the same lines as thisisyesterday. I am a great believer in 'benign neglect' and letting them find their own limits.I keep my fears firmly to myself. They have had plenty of grazed knees etc but nothing serious.

bumbly · 18/05/2009 15:51

guess i better relax more too!

thanks to all

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luvoneson · 18/05/2009 17:28

What the hell is boo boo? The more I read on this sight from some of you lot the more I want to throw up.
I was anxious with my son but I had so many people telling me i had to chill out because i was becoming an embarassment.
Not sure about this boo boo thing, that is embarassing.

bumbly · 18/05/2009 20:35

luv - you have just really got me down

for f^&% sake - when a kid hurts themself surely someone else says boo boo? as in injury!!

i am not from mars

and also mumsnet is for those who need advice

not those that know it all!

OP posts:

bumbly · 18/05/2009 20:35

luv - you have just really got me down

for f^&% sake - when a kid hurts themself surely someone else says boo boo? as in injury!!

i am not from mars

and also mumsnet is for those who need advice

not those that know it all!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 18/05/2009 20:38

bumbly, ignore it. some people just seem to post whatever insensitive drivel pops into their head, just because it's the internet.

I don't use the term boo boo myself, but it was clear from your OP what you meant by it!

gemmummy · 18/05/2009 20:48

luv...piss off if you don't like it.

MrsJamin · 18/05/2009 20:56

bumbly - you're not the only one that luvoneson has upset on MN in the past few days. Just ignore her.

TBH I haven't heard of the expression 'boo boo' either, perhaps it's a regional thing. With DS (16 MO) I just see whether he's genuinely upset from a bump/fall before swooping in. Most of the time they just look at you as if to say "what just happened?!" and if you go with the "you're ok, let's do something fun over here" kind of approach they don't linger on it too much. I do think your anxieties transfer v easily to your children so it's a good thing to make sure they know what the really dangerous things are and try to chill out about the other things.

marymungoandmidge · 18/05/2009 20:58

Bumbly - am trying to back off more with my kids (if only for my own sanity!) and also because I want them to be a bit more gung ho but I'm with you - It is tricky! And actually when my daughter was about 16 months old I was chatting to a friend at my house and I guess I tried the benign neglect approach as she'd managed to climb the stairs (she was always doing it!), however, in the next breath she flew down the stairs like Eddie the Eagle and winded herself and I felt terrible! My DH is great, has the balance just right I think, he's quite laid back (compared to me!)

bumbly · 19/05/2009 15:00

mary you put words in my mouth - thanks for your heartfelt opinion

and jamin

I do think your anxieties transfer v easily to your children so it's a good thing to make sure they know what the really dangerous things are and try to chill out about the other things.

that is veyr true and hit a nail with me today - must show ess anxiety - that is a start

then may need to let him hurt himself more

having said that today had massive fall and fell hitting back of head again!!!

OP posts:

queenrollo · 19/05/2009 15:48

my mum was an anxious parent. It has had a negative affect on me, and i am very risk averse. My ds is nearly 4 and i try so hard to let him get on with things. He has had his little accidents, nothing too serious though and i think how you deal with the aftermath is important too. I can remember watching my son stumble and he would stop perfectly still for a few seconds as though he was assessing head to toe if he was hurt and whether to cry or not. I stopped myself from rushing in to him and the result is that now i can tell instantly if he is hurt or not, because he's learnt to just get up and get on with it.
I have had this conversation with DS's dad and my dp too, that i know i still hover, there is a climbing wall in the local park and that thing is the stuff of nightmares for me. DS got up it alright, but couldn't get down so risk averse mummy had to go up after him

I have found this one of the hardest parts of parenting to date.....having to let my son get on with it.....and every time i hover i remind myself how much fun i miss out on because i'm too scared to do stuff, i really don't want my son to grow up like that.

lawks - i've written the preface to War and Peace there

marymungoandmidge · 19/05/2009 16:33

Yep Queenrollo - My Mum was (and still is!) an 'anxious parent' (she doesn't like me going on walks on my own with the children - or driving at night - I am 39 for Gawds sake! Anyway am determined to be a bit less of a 'hoverer' but I just can't help it....Deep breaths
Bumbly - we're all just caring parents, that's the thing!

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