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"God is actually a flying dutchman you know" The most bizarre nonsense you children have spouted

(107 Posts)
schneebly Tue 05-May-09 13:40:23

hmmgrinhmmthat one came from DS2 (4y4m) today on the way to nursery. Am I to blame the television? Perhaps that spongebob fellow?

thirtypence Thu 14-May-09 03:41:26

Ds used to call the stalk of an apple a "grew" because in a book about an apple tree with apples on stalks it say "they grew and grew".

He also said "this duvet is not duving me very well mum."

fruitbeard Sat 09-May-09 19:24:08

LL, is that you?

madamelapin Sat 09-May-09 13:59:54

My DS (3) is suddenly pronouncing his words that much more clearly and, just this morning, we have

Look at the morph climbing up the wall (he loves Morph the plasticine 80s character) meaning moth

I'm not feeling not well Mummy - it is a tummy egg, can I get it out like a hen?

And my favourite - Mummy, I love you, will you marry me and turn into a princess?

he also believes in the following evolution: boy, girl, daddy, and then, tantara, a mummy. He's going to be a mummy when he grows up (after being a squirrel).

PurpleLostPrincess Fri 08-May-09 18:30:49

These are FAB!

re Jim'll Fix it - I wrote to him when I was four years old and desperate for a little baby brother or sister - the letter read: "Dear Jim, please can you fix it for my mummmy to have a baby..." Needless to say she didn't send it lol!

When DS was little, we were teaching him the word yoghurt - he kept getting muddled up saying "It's not YOUR-ghurt, it's MY-ghurt" and never quite got the YOG bit. To this day (he's 15 now) he still pronounces it YOUR instead of YOG but he now understands the concept of yours and mine etc lol smile

PacificDogwood Fri 08-May-09 18:00:32

crazy, grin!
I hear your "ear boogies" and raise you DS1's "fire snotters"=nose bleed.

crazycanuck Fri 08-May-09 17:54:52

ds (4yrs) calls earwax 'ear boogies' grin

fruitbeard Fri 08-May-09 16:43:58

Last week DD really freaked me out by sitting up in bed and saying 'Dark Forces are coming, mummy' - anyone got any idea what that's about??

She's also rather taken with the Flying Dutchman from Spongebob...

And is is convinced that we all start off as girls and she's going to turn into a boy eventually 'like Daddy did when he was a little girl' (pmsl). Apparently I 'went wrong' which is why I'm still a girl...

Last year she was a flower girl at BIL's wedding. She was great up until the last minute before the bride entered the church, then had a screaming crying fit. I was sent for as her cousins couldn't calm her down, she clung to me saying 'mummy, mummy, I don't want to go to the island, don't make me go to the island'...

Didn't have a clue what she was talking about then as I carried her up the aisle back to our seats it suddenly struck me what she meant...

Oh, and she wants to get married but not to a boy. So far 5 of her girl friends have been in the picture (I fear she's a bit fickle)...

PacificDogwood Fri 08-May-09 15:09:08

These are all brill!! grinsmile

Great to know that the country's future is in the hands of lots of little geniuses(??pl)!!

Homebird8 Fri 08-May-09 14:21:29

DS1 played I Spy saying "... something beginning with CH"

Lots of guessing later it turned out to be Tree (chree).

Weegiemum Fri 08-May-09 13:28:41

WHen I last got the Ironing board out my dd2(5) asked me "whats that thin table for Mummy" (shows how often I iron) and dd1 (9) said "its to iron! it makes your clothes all stiff! its called ironioring!"

Ds(7), meantine, asks to go out on his bike as "bikering" is a lot of fun, much more so than "scootering"

booksgalore Fri 08-May-09 13:03:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miggsie Fri 08-May-09 11:20:45

DD came over after a lesson about recyling:

"Mummy" she says "apparently we throw enough rubbish away to fill a football pitch every week! That's really bad, isn't it?"
"Yes," I replied.
"I mean," she continues, "in the end, no one will be able to play football any more."

DD also once tried to dress the lingerie model in M&S because "this lady's clothes must have fallen off."

nightingale452 Thu 07-May-09 18:39:33

On the same lines as some of these, I have one short-sighted eye so wear only one contact lens, which DD1 (7) still insists on calling my 'len'.

She also, rather disconcertingly, asked me a couple of months ago when God died. I thought she'd got mixed up with Jesus and was going through the Easter story when she interrupted me and said she knew all that, but wanted to know when God died. Floored for a moment I tentatively explained that he hadn't died (and that's kind of the point) to which she answered 'well then how did he get to Heaven?'. I told her to ask the vicar.

shockers Thu 07-May-09 18:09:07

Took ds (8) and two friends out for pizza. We had to pass the Ann Summers shop window on the way back which had a mannequin wearing some very lacy, very tiny undies displayed. Friend 1 " Ugh! No one should have to look at that when they've just eaten!" ds " I know... it's just not appropriate for men!"
When he was about 4 he used to tell everyone that you had to be 11 to read "Hairy Potter".
Dd thinks that Dennis the Menace lives at ds's school because she spotted an Asian boy with wacky hair walking to the rugby pitch in his school rugger top (black and red)!

haemomum Thu 07-May-09 16:25:19

And I just remembered something else after readng about the "hooveing" and "screwdrivering" - I had an elephant tape measure in my stocking when I was about 3, when I took it out I said "oh look, I've got a 3 inches!" (My dad renovated the downstairs of our house when I was little, and tended to talk to himself while measuring!)

haemomum Thu 07-May-09 16:19:08

These are hilarious! Reminded me of some of the mispronunciations my younger sisters made when they were little - they wore "trapsuits" to school and went into the "rimmer room" to watch tv!
Oh and DS at the moment is 14 months so babbling away. When asked to say mam, he says it, when asked ot say dad, he says "mam" in a slightly deeper voice!

MeMySonAndI Thu 07-May-09 15:47:55

My friend's young DDs were pretend playing to go in a trip to Germany, washing their hands was part of the planning "as Germs come from Germany". Obviously, brilliant observation for a health motivated 4 year old but she is still has to learn a lot about other subjects grinhmm

leothelioness Thu 07-May-09 15:00:53

oh and ds2 wants to be a mummy when he grows up not a daddy.

leothelioness Thu 07-May-09 15:00:12

A ride at the fun fair was not working my 5 year old ds 'mum the man forgot to put batteries in it'

Ds1 ' my shorts are baby trousers and if they share my food they will grow bigger and I can wear them in the winter too'

schneebly Thu 07-May-09 14:45:20

Mummyfor3 - my DS2 says that too lol grin very cute indeed!

BalloonSlayer Thu 07-May-09 14:41:10

grin at all of these.

The singular forms (earwhack, chee) made me think of my neice, who used to believe that "fox" was a plural word. One on its own was, of course, a Fock. Much blush for my sister.

Mummyfor3 Thu 07-May-09 11:14:06

grinsmile at all of thses.

DS2, aged 5, recently after daddy shouted at him for making V Annoying Noice over and over and over again and not responding to being asked nicely to stop: "Mummy, daddy gave me a fright, I think my heart stopped beePing!"
Still makes me smile, his achey-breaky beeping heart wink.

schneebly Thu 07-May-09 10:53:56

grin at these

EachPeach - yours reeminded me of when I was little! I used to love Jimmy Saville on Jim'll Fix It and would write into the show often beginning my letters with 'Dear Jim'll...' grin It didn't matter how many times my Mum told me I was convinced that his name was actually Jim'll Fixit. blush

Raggydoll Thu 07-May-09 10:52:36

when ds was about 2 he promptly burst into tears because he saw me go to open the understairs door. I cuddled him and asked him why he didn't want me to open the door and he said it was becuase I would let the lion out!!

It took all day for me to work out that he had overheard me asking dh to put the IRON in the cupboard grin.

TitsalinaBumsquash Thu 07-May-09 10:48:52

DS1 (4) "Im a pirate Mummy - look Shiver my fingers!" In a feux pirate voice.


"Mummy did you get DS2 from Tesco - is he Value for money? " grin

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