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I feel like the worst mum in the world

(16 Posts)
trinityrocks Wed 27-Apr-05 20:36:22

i can't believe how bad I feel, I have just done something awful.
My dd1 (5) had her friend (8) over and her mum was here too and we went out for a fag and my 2 1/2 week old was sleeping and they were playing right next to her and I knew that they would tell me if she cried or needed me. I was outside the front door for about 10 mins and then my dd1's friend came out and said the baby is crying. I went in and they had gone upstairs to play and hadn't heard the baby right away and by the time she told me she was crying and I came straight in she was red in the face and screaming and there was tears. Even writing it now is making me cry. I have never let a tiny baby cry I don't think it's right or neccesary. I can't help thinking that she was lying there needing me and thinking why isn't mummy coming?? I'm crying again now, I feel terrible, I love her soo muuch and I can't beleive I let her feel abandoned. I keep srying thinking does she still feel sad and does she remember. When I ran to her and picked her up she stopped screaming immeadiatley but she was doing that sad whimpering they do when they get really upset and she was all red and there were actual tears. I let her nurse and she was totally fine and happy again in about 5 mins but I can't stop thinking about it. I'm also slightly worried that maybe I could have hurt her in some way because she is soooo small to get that upset. I was only gone for ten minutes and she was fast asleep when I left and the girls were playing right next to her so even if she woke up straight away she could only have been crying for 7 or so mins, ugh typing that makes me feel worse , that is a long time when sooo small and feeling abandoned. Oh god I can't bear it I have been hugging her ever since , I hope she knows I love her

nailpolish Wed 27-Apr-05 20:40:44

oh dear. dont be upset. you probably feel bad as much as you do cos you were outside having a fag, am i right? would you feel as bad if you were in the shower or hoovering, other things you do and couldnt hear her? she is fine you are a good mum cos you feel so bad about this! she was maybe only crying for seconds, youll never know so dont beat yourself up about it.

just try and forget about it. give her an extra special hug

heres a hug for you <<>>

RnB Wed 27-Apr-05 20:41:31

Message withdrawn

morningpaper Wed 27-Apr-05 20:42:30

Trinity you sound like the best mum in the world. xxx

zebraX Wed 27-Apr-05 20:43:35

She'll be ok, trinity. Mine have had the occasional "long" cry at that age, usually because I literally had my hands full with the other children (one running off, one filling her pants...). Babies are more resilent than you give them credit for.

pootlesmum Wed 27-Apr-05 20:45:07

[[[[[[[[BIG HUG]]]]]]]]]....relax ! You did nothing wrong, I'm sure she is absolutley fine. You are obviously a great mum because you love her so much and are so concerned about her. You needed a 10 minute break, every one does. Just give her a big cuddle and a kiss and sit with her for a while. Everything is fine. !!

nappybaglady Wed 27-Apr-05 20:46:12

Aww, bless. If you didn't still have all those crazy hormones raging round your system you probably wouldn't be nearly so upset. I realise that sounds patronising - it isn't meant to. Just don't underestimate the power of the hormones!

Your baby knows that she is the centre of your universe. You are certainly the centre of hers. Relax, go have another fag, but take the baby monitor

Fran1 Wed 27-Apr-05 20:46:48

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Still so soon after the birth you're in that highly emotional state and super protective of your precious baby. I remember that feeling lasted weeks.
In a few months when you think back to this, you will wonder why you reacted so badly - hormones!
Your baby won't have been affected, she is not traumatised and will not remember this.
After all some people do leave their babies crying like this, to go to sleep etc.

Please please don't upset yourself over it. And you are not the worlds worst mum.

trinityrocks Wed 27-Apr-05 20:47:04

thankyou everyone, I still can't stop crying but I do feel a bit better, thankyou for your kind replies

aloha Wed 27-Apr-05 20:47:25

Goodness me, yes, she is fine. I really wouldn't assume that a tiny baby can have such sophisticated thoughts about 'being abandoned' and 'feeling lonely' - I'm not at all sure they are capable of thinking in those terms. Yes, crying is a distress signal, but my baby son had colic and cried and cried in the evening, even when held, and I really don't think - 3 1/2 years on - that it damaged him in any way. He's a very cheerful chap.
It's horrid to see a tiny baby get upset, but really, it isn't a big deal. She cried, you came, she was cuddled.

beanieiu Wed 27-Apr-05 20:56:38

*IT HAPPENS* your not a bad mum,you will need to leave your child sometimes.I have a very demanding 8 week daughter,which is totally the opposite to my first dd,and i need to do things like shower,cook,loo!, but i have carried her around in her sling a number of times.
They soon forgat but your love for them will always show.

WestCountryLass Wed 27-Apr-05 21:03:07

The thing that concerns me more is that you had a fag and you let her nurse, call me old fashioned...

So far as leaving her crying goes, it was unintentional and there may actually be times when you can't help but leave her crying longer than you would like (thinking helping elder child with something). I am sure she knows you love

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 08:39:46

how are you feeling today trinityrocks?

hope you are fine xxx

donnie Thu 28-Apr-05 09:33:50

you were only outside the door and only for a few minutes - it's not like you went off to the pub is it? you are obviously a good mum as you are so worried! all babies cry and all mummies deserve a fag break in the garden!! I would try to keep it in perspective, you have done no more than many other parents do every day!

Beckymumof3 Thu 28-Apr-05 11:23:13

Don't feel too bad - when my DD2 was a few days old I accidentally nail-clipped the top of her finger off!! Now - that did make me feel like a crap mum! Though, her finger is fine & she has no emotional scars as far as I can see

trinityrocks Thu 28-Apr-05 13:55:41

feel alot better better today nailpolish, thanks again for all your kind replies

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