I have a ds who is 4.8 and I'm in my late thirties. Dh is mid-forties & he has a couple of adult children from first marriage, so basically ds is an only child. The problem is that even though I love ds very much (and tell him every day), I'm finding it harder to be tolerant, particularly if I'm tired. This is making me feel really down about myself at the moment as it's not ds' fault that he's nearly 5 and is obviously going to do things that 'bug' me sometimes, because that is what kids do. And the thing that really bothers me is I remember all too well that my mother used to snap at me when I was a child whenever she was in a bad mood. I remember the hurt it caused me when she would turn on me with a scowling face and berate me even when I'd done nothing wrong, and this led me to believe that she probably just didn't like me. I vowed I would not do this to my own child but my patience gets the better of me sometimes (no doubt my age is also a factor), and this morning I just sat down and cried because I told my son off for something that probably didn't warrant a 'telling off'.
He's been getting up in the morning on his own for quite a while now, he generally plays with his toys or watches tv and he has no problems changing his own clothes and getting himself food or drink. While I'm not a late riser, I struggle to get a good night's sleep most of the time (have had quite a bit of insomnia for the last few years) and for some unknown reason, the last few mornings ds has woken me up early just for the sake of it. To top it off, dh is away regularly with his job so I'm on my own with ds a lot. I went off at him this morning and gave him a lecture about not waking me up unnecessarily and then for the next hour I was cranky & impatient with him while I was trying to get him ready for pre-school. After I dropped him off I wondered exactly how bad I'm making him feel about himself. I try to praise him regularly and tell him every day that I love him, I know I do A LOT of good things for him as well but I'm just getting tired of my own intolerance. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself but then perhaps I'm expecting too much of a four year old as well. BTW I do take something to help me sleep sometimes and I also try to take 'time out' to enjoy myself, but I just think I should be much more patient than I sometimes am. Please tell me I'm not alone
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Just want to beat up on myself for a minute :(
33 replies
Nic04 · 26/04/2005 03:17
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