Parenting criticised by 'friend.'

[chocolateismyonlyweakness]

When out with my friend, I joked about how crafty my dd is, and my friend said "you let her get away with it" and that I get out the chocolate. She's got the wrong end of the stick.

Sometimes when my dd says "I'm not doing anything you say, mummy" I turn it into having some fun and reply "well, sit on the sofa and have some chocolate", and she laughs, but I don't actually get the chocolate out!

I feel quite silly now that I've written this down, but I can't stop feeling annoyed that she publicly criticised my parenting, I was taken aback and just replied "you've been known to get the chocolate out!" and she then said she just does it as a bribe now and again, and we had a short discussion about parenting with her saying she threatens the 'naughty'step.

I don't want to judge what she does, we all do our best, but can't get rid of this irritated feeling. Am I over-reacting?!

[hobbgoblin]

Well it's none of your friend's business but you could consider it as her offering her supportive opinion.

Interesting to consider this in light of threads I've been commenting on this morning. How we all take criticism so badly these days rather than viewing it as supportive and constructive. Then there's the whole issue of parenting as a community responsibility...

Sice you're asking for opinion here what does the thing you say about getting chocolate out actually mean to your DD? I don't personally see the point or understand what the point of that chocolate stuff is.

[AMumInScotland]

I guess that's the problem when a private joke between you is heard out of context - your friend didn't realise that it is a joke between you and dd, and presumably thinks that you genuinely do give her chocolate and let her not do as she's asked. So, next time it happens, find a way to make clear to her that it's a joke.

If you genuinely were bribing your dd with chocolate every time she misbehaves, that would be something which a friend probably should comment on, to encourage you to deal with it better.

[chocolateismyonlyweakness]

Hi, I think I am being over-sensitive here anyway!

It's my way of distracting my dd when she is being awkward, she will say "I am not doing anything you say mummy!" so I will say "go and pet the cat!" or "have some chocolate!" she knows I am turning it into a joke (she's 4) and will giggle. She usually says this after I've told her she can't do something like to out in the garden in her best shoes, and is a little cross with me.

I think I need to speak to my friend the next time I see her (she doesn't like confrontations at all) so have to bring it up in a sensitive manner.

If she wanted to constructively criticise what I do, I think she brought it up in the wrong way, but she did just speak without thinking it through.

Thanks for your replies!