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ex taken daughter from me. He had no PR so had to get court order against me stating I was unable to care for my daughter!! HELP!!!

(40 Posts)
sjr1974 Sat 04-Apr-09 20:14:56

My ex took my daughter away from me last summer 2008. He had no PR so he got a court order out against me stating that I was an alcoholic and unfit to look after my daughter. I did have a small issue with alcohol for a few months, but now I am over that period in my life, and I want things to go back to normal, and have my daughter back. We have been to court three times, and currently I only see her on friday, saturday, and monday. CAFCASS's report states that my daughter wants to live with me and I am fit and well enough to be the primary carer again, but he has contested this and taken it to the higher courts. I am fed up, I miss my daughter, it has been eight months now and I just want him and his partner to give my daughter back. Has anybody had the same experience, or any advice please????. Our next court date is 27.04.09, and I'm scared he will be granted full custody!.

thisisyesterday Sat 04-Apr-09 22:08:14

no advice i'm afraid but bumping for you

jugglingwoman Sat 04-Apr-09 22:14:06

That's horrific-I'm afraid I don't have any advice apart from get a solicitor and maybe some friends/important people who are willing to go to court and vouch for her.

How old is your daughter? I know that at a certain age (not sure what it is) that the courts have to listen to the child's wishes.

Just really bumping in the hope someone legal can advise you.

If you can't afford a solicitor, the CAB can tell you how to get legal aid.

Good luck.

JaquelinehydeAllTheEggs Sat 04-Apr-09 22:15:14

It sounds like things are looking positive for you. If the reports are saying you are a fit parent and your daughter is expressing a wish to stay with you there would have to be a damn good excuse for you not to get primary carer status.

However, these things are very long winded (as I guess you already know) and it may not be as simple as switching primary care over it may be beneficial for it to be a gradual process.

I would also like to say that you should be grateful for your ex and his partner for giving her a safe home enviroment, she could have been in a much worse position, and lets not forget he has as much right to have full care of his daughter as you do it is not a case of them just giving you your daughter back. She is his daughter also.

SammyK Sun 05-Apr-09 08:38:12

good post jacqueline smile

edam Sun 05-Apr-09 09:19:09

Rubbish, Jacqueline, no reason why a father should be praised for providing a safe home for his child, that's the minimum requirement for a parent.

sjr, I've no personal experience to share with you but do hope you have a good solicitor.

sjr1974 Sun 05-Apr-09 20:51:16

Well I've been turned away for legal aid due to my earnings, so i've had to get a loan out to use a barrister & solicitor!. My daughter is only 4. I've told my ex he can see his daughter whenever he likes, and that he can have PR etc.., as long as she lives with me, but he is still going for full custody. I dont know what the hell he is playing at??? He knows I am fully able and well to bring my daughter up, I just cant seem to understand why and how this has all come about, any ideas guys????

izzymom Sun 05-Apr-09 21:53:44

sjr - sorry to sound harsh but why you think he's 'playing at' anything other than being a good father? Why should he just hand back his daughter now that you're ready? Nothing in your posts to indicate she has not been well cared for over the last year, so why would you expect him to just hand her back? You are not doing him a favour by 'offering' him PR and contact! If this situation was reversed and you had stopped contact because of a 'small issue with alcohol', you would not be in a rush to reinstate it would you?

Your daughter is very young for court to take her views into account, basically because she is not equipped to make decisions for herself. They will take into account what changes to her routine will have to be made, and whether this is the best thing for her.

Claire2009 Sun 05-Apr-09 21:58:10

I agree with izzymom entirely.

mrsjammi Sun 05-Apr-09 21:58:21

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wannaBe Sun 05-Apr-09 22:05:06

you had a problem with alcohol by your own admition.

If this situation was reversed and the father had a problem with alcohol people would be saying that he shouldn't be trusted.

The courts don't just grant court orders just like that, it is highly iregular for the father to be given residency, so I'm sorry to say this, there must have been a good reason for them having done so.

And at the end of the day, she is his daughter too. And perhaps he didn't feel she was being well cared for given your history with alcohol abuse. It must have been pretty serious for him to have known there was a problem?

sjr1974 Mon 06-Apr-09 09:58:33

I was going through a bad patch, but that's all it was. There should have been no concern whatsoever for her welfare. She was well cared for here, washed dressed fed, clean house. Her father was hardly in her life before this, and gave me no maintenance when I was a single mum for nearly three years. He was abusive in our relationship which has been reported in the cafcass reports, so he isnt as innocent as it may seem. He can turn round and say "what if i drank again", but I can turn round and say "what if my daughter or his new partner is exposed to his violence and controlling ways, it is a hard one??? And he was able to get a court order just stating that I was unable to care for my daughter which was total bulls**it, he is not even on her birth certificate, he couldnt be bothered to!!.

staggerlee Mon 06-Apr-09 10:23:07

sjr, surely the Courts ordered reports last year to help them make a decision in your daughters best interests? They don't just rely on the evidence of the other party-in this case your ex.I'm confused why the Court would uproot your daughter if there were no concerns about her welfare.
To make a decision in favour of the parent with no PR and who didn't see his daughter seems unusual.

It would be helpful if you want advice to let us know why the court made the decision in the first place. Have you also considered shared residency/joint custody? That might be more attainable and in your daughters best interests. Good luck anyway

sjr1974 Mon 06-Apr-09 10:43:57

Thanks staggerlee. The concerns the courts had at the time were meant to protect the child, but it was based purely on his original statement, and alot of it was fabricated and totally over the top, but to get a court order against me was the only way he could get PR at the time. The courts didnt ask for a statement from me at first or hear my case which I thought strange too!!. The courts ordered reports (CAFCASS) and evidence from other parties but this took six months. It has now been proven that I am able to care for my daughter and that she should be returned to my care but he has contested it, so have had to wait another 2 months for next hearing. I just dont want the courts to rule in his favour and lose my daughter I'm beside myself with worry.

mrsjammi Mon 06-Apr-09 10:49:28

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sjr1974 Mon 06-Apr-09 10:49:44

I told my ex he could have joint PR and custody from the start but he wanted to go for full custody. All sorts of things are going through my mind, like maybe his partner cant have children, or he is just bitter about my new fella bringing up his daughter, I dont know??? I thank him for looking after our daughter while I was in a bad way last summer but he must see it is in the best interest of the child to return to her mother, as the child wishes also. He can see her whenever he likes, I have always said this to him, but basically he works all the hours god sends and his partner is the one that is really being the main carer for our daughter. I hardly know the girl, its painful!!. :-(

unavailable Mon 06-Apr-09 10:50:24

Was there no social services involvement before you daughter was removed sjr?

mrsjammi Mon 06-Apr-09 10:53:17

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sjr1974 Mon 06-Apr-09 10:56:24

Hi mrsjammi,
No the courts granted him a temporary residence order while they were investigating. Now all the reports are back and it states that our daughter should live with me, as there are no concerns for her welfare and that he see her three times a week. He took it to the courts originally to get PR, stating I was an alcoholic and unable to care for my daughter. While I did have a bit of a breakdown last summer and drank too much, he did exaggerate and fabricate so that he could get this interim court residence order, as without it he had no PR as not on birth certificate. It is confusing!!! But now it has taken nearly 8 months to sort out he does not want to return our daughter to myself so has contested the CAFCASS reports!! I wish he would just throw the towel in!

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg Mon 06-Apr-09 10:56:44

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sjr1974 Mon 06-Apr-09 11:02:01

Social services were involved when our daughter was a baby because of domestic violence. Dad also contacted them before he got the court order but they visited my house, and closed the case as they could see I wasnt a raging alcoholic and that my daughter was happy healthy etc,!

mrsjammi Mon 06-Apr-09 11:02:46

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unavailable Mon 06-Apr-09 11:12:19

sorry for the inquisition sjr, but I think I am not alone in struggling to undertstand.

Was the domestic violence committed by your ex (who is now caring for your dd) or your current dp?

sjr1974 Mon 06-Apr-09 11:15:50

By saying "I was in a bad way", was that I had just lost my job my brother had an accident was in a coma, I had a breakdown, and covered up my anxieties with drink. My partner and I told my ex that I was having a few problems and if he could help more with looking after our daughter, until I was in a much better place so thats how my ex new the situation. I still looked after my daughter in the way I always did but it was a struggle for me at that time. I wasnt a danger to my daughter at that time no, but I didnt want her to see me crying upset drinking etc. My boyfriend is not a drinker only has a couple while watching the match at weekend. He thought it a good idea also to ask my ex for some help and support, but if we had known the outcome maybe we would have not. My boyfriend is not known to SS and no criminal record, I cant get my head round it either, thats why I'm asking advice from anyone who has been in this situation or knows someone that has! x

mrsjammi Mon 06-Apr-09 11:18:12

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