toddler hits 20 months and now is a nightmare in behaviour

[bumbly]

always naughty

had one day where i really shouted but thing is he never listens...so i can now understand where i have strated to lose my rag more and more

never listens

and now notice he screams back if i tell him off

is this normal?

[rubyslippers]

totally usual

they are getting to age where they are starting to want to be more independent but don't have all the skills yet

It is a tricky age

he won't listen because he is too young to really comprehend what the issue is

you can use a low, firm voice to demonstrate your displeasure with certain behaviours

i found a book called Toddler Taming by Christopher Green helpful

[PinkPussyCat]

Sympathies, bumbly. Ds also 20mo, am having exactly those problems. Have no idea what to do. I have bought TT however, just have no time to read the damn thing. Let's hope this phase passes quickly I say!

[bumbly]

he screaming back is not smoething io should really worry about?

opnly does it when am telling him off

[bumbly]

mouse playing up sorry

thanks for rpelies...feel so alone one this one now...

lets hope his screaming back is not something to worry about

am worried my firm voice is perhaps a bit too harsh but then what should i do?????

[Ohforfoxsake]

It is incredibly hard work.

Try to remember that how you react is teaching him how to behave, so if you scream, he'll scream.

Ignore as much as you can. Dont ever, ever, ever react to tantrums.
Choose your battles wisely. If he wants to go out in his Bob The Builder wellies and PJs, and really isn't going to back down, its not the end of the world (but take his coat for when he realises its bloody cold). But if he refuses to hold your hand crossing a road, fight that battle.

Toddler Taming is a really good book.

Good luck, and there is lots of support on MN

[rubyslippers]

low, firm voice is fine

there has to be a difference in tone from your regular voice for him to know there is an issue

he will shout back because toddlers copy everything ... we have all done it

[bumbly]

thanks loads

i think perhaps my firm voice is too firm - it is more of an angry shout...but was doing that to give a differnce as you from normal voice...low firm tone seems to do nothing at all to him

only proper shout has a reaction of sorts...but then he started to emulate me -

argh!!!!!!!!!

WHAT DO I DO?

[Ohforfoxsake]

If he's doing something naughty say 'NO' firmly and remove him from the situation.

[bumbly]

so what about when he needs nappy changing for eg

and he wont come and sit down

not a NO situation but a he wont do it situation

i shout at him when after 20th time he wont come and lie down (I START ASKING NICELY AND THEN GET FED UP) and then i pick hium up and boy does he scream when i lie him down and then i scream back

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TotalChaos]

what worked with DS re:nappy changing was to do a countdown - 10 down to 1 - then if he didn't cooperate it would be time for a bit of ahem manhandling. Eventually he realised there was no pointing fighting me about it, and would start being more cooperative. It's very very trying when they resist things like that - but shouting 99% of the time just makes thing worse - I found it helped me keep my temper to take a jolly hockey sticks approach/have a set response "come on now, I'm just changing your nappy, there's nothing wrong".

[Chaotica]

As the others say - Toddler Taming is great.

And shouting will often lead to DC shouting back so calm (even 'not bothered') is best. I've found it's easier to be calmer with second child as I expect the sweet baby to turn into a wailing monster for no apparent reason. Was hard first time though.

In the 'won't do' situation ignore (he won't come to eat? too bad, sit down without him; won't get his coat on? tell him you're leaving and get ready, line bags up at door... etc (all calmly)). Or joke (try to get his coat on, put his (clean) nappy on your head, put teddy in nappy, put pyjamas on your DS's head) - all of this defuses situation and calms them down. If he has meltdown make sure he is safe and leave him to it.

It will get better.

[bumbly]

thanks to everyone

will try TT

[bumbly]

woke up 5:30 after going to bed at 9..scramed for half an hour so had to get him out

throwed all his cereal on floor and on himself

been screaming for me to read book for 20th time already

so now have shouted him to go away and read for himself as he is big enough to do so...he is only behind me on sofa

well the shout did work

i have no clue what i am doing

shouting this mornign seems to have helped him go asway and calm down

bizarre..was not meant to shout but 7:42 and al alreayd exhausted

[dustyteddy]

Just wanted to send my sympathies, as my dc's are just the same at the moment. Hope it's a comfort to know you are not alone! Keep repeating the mantra 'it's just a phase!'

[Ohforfoxsake]

None of us have a clue first time round though. Books do help you decide what you think might be right for you.

Toddlers like familiarisation and repetativeness, which is why he wants you to read the book 20 times. And I've done my fair share of man-handling LO into a clean nappy. Some things aren't negotiable. Keep doing a 'sing-song' voice and grit your teeth. Actually that's reminded me that I went to the dentist complaining of a sore jaw. I realised that it was caused by me gritting my teeth in a bid not to shout. Bloody painful it was too.

They can be horrors, and a minute later they can be a joy. Toddlers are demanding, unpredictable, exhausting. Do you get out regularly? Have a playgroup or play centre nearby? Are YOU getting out enough?

They all throw their cereal on the floor. Get a splash mat, don't get him dressed before breakfast and sit close by. They love the feel of mushy weetabix in their pudgy little fists.

Accept this is what happens at this stage and mop it up. Its a bugger to get off one dry

[tummytickler]

My ds is also 20 months and is exactly the same. I agree with pp about maintaining a sing songy voice all the time. I find being openly angry with ds achieves nothing and i need to distract him about of his devilish behaviour .
Dont worry though and try to be as calm as possible. But we all loose it sometimes! Some days are just bloody awful - but on the wonderful days you will forget all about spilt dinner and screaming in your face!
If my ds tries to scream at me, or smack and pinch (his current favourite!), i put him down and walk away! It seems to do the trick eventually - obviously i dont go far, and i can still see him.
Another tip - after a terrible day, when by the end i hate my life and want to cry (not often, but we all have them sometimes) I go and look at him when he is asleep at night, - they look like such angels when they are asleep!!!!

[bumbly]

oh thanks to you all!!!!

feel a bit better

though just had another hellish day

worried my little one is always being screamed at and not enjoying his childhood now as am always having a og at him - but then again he doesnt help by eg kicking me in breast

will try and read TT

noticed there is also another book TTtips - is there any difference between the two books

all the below posts have been so amazing and helpful

feel so inadequate cant reply as well as all the replies i get but just want you to know they mean a lot

[Ohforfoxsake]

What was hellish Bumbly?

Are YOU OK?