2year 3 months screaming hysterically every time I leave him. Have to return to work in 2 weeks.

[Shylily]

DS 2years3months started childcare at 6 months. He always went happily and didn't have any separation anxiety until we went to Australia for 6 weeks when he was 13 months. After that, every time I left him in childcare he got so upset - screaming, kicking, hysterically crying. I moved him to a new nursery which he loves but he still does the same. I've been on maternity leave with DD for 9 months but kept him going 2 mornings a week. We've been back in Oz for another 2 months and I started him back at nuresery again this week.

So far, I've talked to him about it (bit hard to get his input with limited vocab), we've been to the nursery every 2 days for 3 weeks, just popping in for a while to chat and play, I've left him 2 hours (and he cried for about 5 minutes - usually it's only 30 seconds to a minute) then leaving him again tomorrow for 2 hours. It doesn't actually matter how long he's there, it's the event of separating. It doesn't feel manipulative, he is just so upset about being left he totally loses it.

He's like this being left with DH also. If I just disappear he's fine - just asks where I am and gets on with it.

Any suggestions on how to help? I'm OK, I just think it's so distressing for him and I don't know how to stop it, if at all.

[kizzib]

did you go to oz without him?

no bloody wonder.

stop going to OZ

[FlorenceofArabia]

I think the OP took her son to Oz. Please tell me I'm right, OP?

[shonaspurtle]

Is he ok after you've gone? If so, he'll probably get used to it again after a while.

Ds is like this after a change to his routine - he recently moved to a new room and started to get upset at drop off again. It made me feel crappy but his keyworker told me that he was absolutely fine after I left (and I actually lurked near the window one morning and it was true ).

Ds has run into nursery this week with nary a glance back so seems well and truly settled now. It took us about 3 weeks (we go 3 days a week) and it was horrible as he'd been so happy about going to nursery for so long.

(I didn't read the op as saying her ds didn't go to oz with her, I think he's just had a break from nursery while she's been away)

[kitbit]

Can you get dh to take him to nursery instead of you? ds used to get upset when I dropped him off but with daddy was fine. He's probably feeling unsettled by all the changes, you need to build up trust in a very slow obvious way, such as "I'm going into the garden for 2 mins, I'll be right back". Then when you come back "see, here I am! I said I'd be back didn't I?" that sort of thing (well it worked for us...)

I also found that although ds was settled happily in nursery he got more clingy at home, so we went back to cosleeping for a bit which seemed to help a lot.

Don't leave him at nursery without saying goodbye though, even though he seems to handle it better when you just disappear he'll worry when he's with you that you suddenly won't be there. Tell him in advance, then say goodbye.

It'll pass, but I know, it's really hard!

[Smee]

Has he got a key worker that he likes - someone who he can go straight to? That helps I think. Plus a toy from home that he can cuddle. Ormaybe ask the staff if there's something he can do when he gets there that he'll want to do, so you can go more easily. With my son they got him helping to get the snacks ready - it was his job with his key worker and it made a huge difference, as it was just him and her (so not overwhelming). Worked brilliantly.

[Shylily]

Nice fantasy, Kizzib. Imagine a beach holiday with no children. Unlikely! We spent 2 months there as a family because all my family is there and I have no family here. Be nice if my Mum lived down the road, then I wouldn't have to spend all my money and annual leave travelling to the other side of the world so my kids can know my family.

However ...

Thanks to others for your suggestions.
He does settle after I leave (I can hear that he stops as soon as I'm out of sight). Also, Kitbit - you're right, he is checking more on where I am at home. I forget how difficult it can be for them when big changes have been made and he's had a lot this year.
Good idea Smee. He loves his keyworker and I'm sure she could get him to do something like that.
He went more happily today although he wore his coat for the 2.5 hours he was there (ready to leave immediately)!
Thanks again.