Please help me to help DS

[katedan]

Advice needed please as I really want to help my son and don't know what to do.
DS is in YR1 and is really struggling to make friends. he had a few in reception but they were put into different classes than him at the start on yr1 and no longer seem to be his friends. he wants a big party for his 6th birthday in May and I booked it ages ago but it now looks like I will have to cancel it as he had no one to invite. His only two frieds tell him he can't be friends with other children if he wants to be friends with them but they are friends with other children and get invited to the other kids parties which DS never gets invited to. On one hand I think I should leave it alone and let him sort it out for himself as you can't fight all there battles but he seems so sad and lonely and has started to play up at home. He is socailly imature for his age and tends to cry when the other kids tease him (he is a slow runner and small for his age) I have told him to walk away but know it is hard when you are only 5! Should I make an appoitment to speak to the head of YR1 or do you think I am over reacting? Please help us, he is my first child and I just want to see him happy.

[picklepud]

You don't mention inviting other children round for tea after school. Is that a possibility? Children are still pretty fickle at that age and time spent together might tip over into friendship. Start with who he sits with or do approach the teacher - she might have some pointers as to who to approach. Sorry if inappropriate sugestion - know not always easy with work commitments and whatnot.

[katedan]

I was keen to invite other children over for tea and asked DS teacher last week who would be good but she could not think of anyone. The classes change again in YR 2 but I don't know who he will be (I have asked for hm to not be with the two children who are his "friends" as I am unhappy how they are treating him, but she said I would have to remind her at the nd of the summer term!)

[Barking]

No not over reacting at all! How difficult for you and your ds. It is so hard being a parent sometimes....and children can be very divisive. Keep telling him to rise above it, I'm sure he'll find a like minded soul very soon.

My dc2 changed schools last year and has at times really struggled but is slowly finding his feet and has at last found a good friend.

I would take a deep breath and invite the whole class, in my experience a party can really help build on potential friendships. I would also book an appointment with the head of year 1 to discuss your concerns and see if they can give him some extra help at break times with joining in and encouraging friendships. It may be also worth if possible to volunteer yourself for the odd hour with reading or something to get a better feel of how is doing at school.
A lot can happen between now and May - best of luck.

[kalo12]

I would definately speak to the school. They are also responsible for pastoral care and children's self esteem so it is important that school and home work together.

Are you friends with any of the other mums? Get to know them

[Barking]

I've just read your new posts about his old friends which reminds me of my own 6th birthday when my mum invited this girl who was a real bully, she use to nip me so hard I would cry, I can remember being mortified she was coming but my dm insisted and the girl didn't hurt me again. Looking back, It helped take part of my fear and her power away.

[katedan]

I am on "hello" terms with some of the mums and have mentioned to a couple of them that I was worried DS did not have many friends and they sypathised (SP!) but still did not invite DS to their kids parties!

I think you are right that I should have the party and hope it makes DS a bit more popular and confident with the other kids. Maybe he will get some invites in return and also get to know some other kids ready for Yr 2. Thank you for your advice.

[EustaciaVye]

Invite lots of kids and he'll have a good time.

Meantime suggest you enrol him in an activity out of school. karate? footbal? scouts? or something so he can get some othe rlikeminded friends.