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Anyone plan for/have a second child whilst looking after a dp with long term disability?

(7 Posts)
dandycandyjellybean Fri 20-Feb-09 13:16:39

Previously pasted this in disab section and had one wonderful contributor, but wondered if I would get a wider response here?

If so how hard is it, compared to one? We only planned to have one (waited 17 yrs to do that because of our situation). Lovely ds is now 3.3, and out of the blue, dh has started talking about a sibling for him!!!! I struggle with depression, even on maxed out meds, and am about to start some counselling. I feel as though I cope fairly well most of the time with things, but it is only just, iyswim. And I would welcome anyone else's thoughts experiences. Looked in the pg mumsnet book on second pgs, (this without any disab issues) and all the posts were negative or downright gloomy!

Part of me would love another, but part of me feels as though things are starting to get easier now ds is more self sufficient, am starting to get the tiny part of life back that is 'mine' (getting to the gym, etc), and that to upset that all now would be madness.......?????

dandycandyjellybean Fri 20-Feb-09 20:01:16


jabberwocky Fri 20-Feb-09 20:08:37

Dh is a polio survivor and has some chronic health issues surrounding that. I desperately wanting a second child and he rather reluctantly agreed. Ds2 is 2.3 and the last couple of months have started to get easier. It has been rather hard but we are both glad that we did it and our feeling is that it will continue to get better as the dcs get older.

dandycandyjellybean Fri 20-Feb-09 20:22:25

Thanks jabberwocky, I had a really, really tough time with the 'baby' stage with ds, could happily have handed him to the nearest passing stranger as a 'terrible mistake' though suddenly started getting easier around 7 months and I fell head over heels, used to have to keep getting him out of his cot at night for cuddles while he was sleeping. But I guess repititions of that awful time are scaring me off.

jabberwocky Fri 20-Feb-09 20:34:00

Very similar experience here except that things did not really get better for me until ds1 was over a year old. That was a big reason that dh did not want to go for a second. He felt that he had to take on a heavier load than anticipated which took a toll on his health and energy. So, it was a bit of a leap of faith on our part to go for baby number two. I was just overwhelmed with such a strong feeling that this little spirit needed to be a part of our family and it has worked out well. But as I said before getting to 2 years old has been a lot of work.

dandycandyjellybean Sat 21-Feb-09 08:54:00

I guess it's just a massive gamble for anyone isn't it? Even if your family circs are fine when you start out, anything can change. It's just harder to make that decision when you know (potentially) what's ahead. smile

jabberwocky Sun 22-Feb-09 03:14:51

That's it. But tonight the boys were playing together and I looked at dh and said, "It's all worth it just to hear them together" and he agreed

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