what to do?next door neighbour`s dd(she is9) hit my dd(3) today!

[B1984]

She came over today for few hours and they were playing nicely cooking etc.I went upstairs for a moment and my dd came up and said: ouch!E just hit me!me and dh just looked at each other and said to dd not to be naughty and stop lying.we knew she probably wasnt lying but we didnt know what to do,the girl is 9,i though nice,but obviously not.i did notice something like this once when i watched them two playing from a window and saw the girl kinda snatching toys of her!what do i do,do i speak to the mum(we get along really well,not BF,but we have a laugh),or do i confront the girl in hope that she will be so ashamed and not do it again(and probably avoid us all together?!,which i dont want really!)Its worrying,she could be doing it every time i turn my head!your thoughts pls!

[ingles2]

Why didn't you ask the 9 yr old if she hit your dd? and then remind her that is is much bigger and stronger than dd?
Why didn't you back your dd up, when in your words " you knew she probably wasn't lying"
Why do you have this girl over if you think she will hurt your dd?

[willowthewispa]

I think you were very cruel to your DD to accuse her of lying when you knew she wasn't

[B1984]

i thought she likes being with my dd,like a big sister,reading her stories etc.but is it possible she is jelaous of her?and you are right,im angry with myself,i shoud`ve asked the girl!

[willowthewispa]

And you should have just said to the girl at the time that she must be gentle with your DD if she wants to come over and play - if you knew she was a bit rough with her, then supervise them.

[CeceliaAhern]

Agree with willowthewispa. Exact same thing happened to my dd a few years ago. I let the girl know wihtout being confrontational that that couldn't happen. Do let your daughter know you believe her though.

[ingles2]

no I don't think it's jealousy, it's just that 9 ime is a difficult age and she's exerting easy control over your dd.
Quite why she would want to play with a 3 yr old I'm not sure, Maybe her mother wanted her to, maybe she was bored and that's why she hit out. She is still a child though and you cannot expect perfect behaviour from any child.

You however, need to remember your loyalties lie with your dd and no-one else. If anything like this happens in future you calmly sit them down and ask for an explanation. If one is not forthcoming, don't invite her round.

[B1984]

thats the thing,the snatching of the toy happened months ago and i really thought she grew up little bit more,she seems so bright and clever!i think i wount leave them alone if they are playing together

[B1984]

thanks guy!

[B1984]

sorry guys

[techpep]

It would have been best if you said something at the time. Even if you didn't get her to admit to it, you could have said something along the lines of " play nicely together, remember dd is still very small and you are big", that way you are not telling her off but just making it clear that you believe dd. Theres no need to be angry with yourself for not doing it, sometimes we all deal with things differently when put on the spot. If you do have her over again, i would watch closely and maybe only allow them to play downstairs or in the garden where you can spy watch from a distance.

[cory]

It is possible that neither of them was lying. My dcs are constantly squabbling about 'she hit me', 'no, I didn't' and as often as not there is not real truth to be got at; it's all about perception. What seems like hitting to the 3-yo may not seem like hitting to the 9-yo. I would not have accused either of lying but just reminded them both that they have to play nicely.

[gagarin]

Sounds like normal sibling behaviour TBH - the only difference being they're not siblings!

If it happens again IMO a good response is to teach your 3 year old to shout loudly "No! Don't hit me. That's not nice!"

It serves them in good stead at playgroup/nursery and school where they are likely to come up against dcs who push, shove and hit.