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sad that i cant bring my child up to be loyal?

(3 Posts)
nightowl Tue 12-Apr-05 03:22:42

what a pity it is that i cant bring up my boy to "do the right thing". he has been getting friendly with kids in our street but one boy in particular is a little trouble maker. ds seems to have a real sense of loyalty towards him, but in being this way, he will make all the other kids fall out with him. he has insulted one childs mum tonight and i made him go out and apologise to said child. it all stems from a petty row ds's friends mum had with this other mum. i dont know the mum, dont have anything against her and dont wish my child to form an opinion of her based on what his friend says. ds is a lovely boy, but easily led...if his friend says xxx mum is bad then he believes it. ive told him not to take sides and tried to explain that in the long run, he will be the one to lose all the friends as they will argue, make up and ignore him. (this is what has always happened to me...im fiercely loyal and it has never benefited me). its such a sad thing that loyalty will get him nowhere, but the truth also. ive told him to not take sides.

how can i tell him to not be loyal when i know thats loyalty is a wonderful part of his personality? loyalty has only ever gotten me into trouble and caused me hurt...and its never been reciprocated.

so i have to take away good and commendable things from my son in order for him to not get hurt? it stinks.

how many more wonderful things will i have to take away from him in order for him to survive around here? what am i finally going to make him into to avoid him being hurt? a little thug? he has all the makings of a strong, good person...but that will only bring him misery.

he will be hurt again and again like i have been and i never want that to happen.

but my son is loving, caring, sensible, friendly, loyal, strong, intelligent...i could go on and on. he is and will be the kind of person people love to hate. im so proud of him and dont want to change him.

but who he is will get him into endless trouble.


what am i to do?

Xzebra Tue 12-Apr-05 06:29:42

Teaching your child to stay out of other people's arguments is not a bad thing.

bubbly1973 Tue 12-Apr-05 07:55:34

nightowl...how old is your ds? is there any way of splitting the two boys up? or getting ds to attend afterschool lessons in something he is interested in, in the hope that someone else from his school also attends thus forming a friendship with them rather than that other boy?

sorry not much help, it seems such a shame to take that quality away from him, i know where you are coming from when you say that loyal has got you into trouble, i feel like that when i been loyal!!

it seems that some people these days dont have or show that quality as much
its a difficult situation, what to do for the best...good luck, hope someone else can offer better advice

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