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Should I be concerned - or is it just a phase?

(13 Posts)
JollyTired Sun 15-Feb-09 18:57:33

My LO is nearly 5 months and for the last month he has become very clingy - crying inconsolably if anyone apart from myself or my DH holds him. My SIL, who's a childminder, remarked yesterday that in her 20 years of looking after children she's never come across a baby who cries when picked up by anyone other than his parents. This has made me feel awful - have I done something to encourage this behavour? He's my first and I feel that I've done nothing right .

BoysAreLikeZombies Sun 15-Feb-09 18:59:37

Not v supportive of your sister JT

Of course babies cry and are clingy

Bless him

He will get the hang of it, but he is still v little


HeadFairy Sun 15-Feb-09 19:00:49

IM(limited)E all children go through a clingy phase, I'm not sure what your SIL is talking about because as a childminder she must have seen a few. It does sound quite young, my ds went through this phase at about 11-13 months, but each child is different and I'm sure someone will come on soon who's had a very similar experience to you. I wouldn't worry, you haven't done anything, it's totally normal, albeit quite distressing for you.

Josie3 Sun 15-Feb-09 19:02:01

Relax, enjoy your LO and tell your SIL to sod off with her 'highly experienced' comments. He's 5 months old ffs - he's learning that you are a safe place, and you'll protect him. I'm sure you haven't done anything wrong, babies are people - with their own personalities. maybe he's shy!

big hugs xxx

TheArmadillo Sun 15-Feb-09 19:02:52

your sil is being a nob.

There are few children who don't go through it at some point.

JollyTired Sun 15-Feb-09 19:29:37

my SIL actually said this to my mother - who was more than happy to tell me as it reinforces her opinion that my son's behaviour is odd and that I must be responsible in some way for this behaviour, and the fact that he won't take a dummy or a bottle and wakes every two hours during the night!

babyphat Sun 15-Feb-09 19:38:10

i don't think it's odd behaviour at all- isn't this the age where they realise you are separate beings but they have no concept of you coming back, so if you're not there, you might be gone forever from their p.o.v iyswim? sounds like you are doing great despite unsupportive family members!

TheArmadillo Sun 15-Feb-09 20:21:59

if he's waking every two hours you must be exhausted. Probably a growth spurt.

TBH I'd be tempted to avoid your family for a couple of weeks if they are sayin this kind of stuff to you. turn off the phone (or screen calls) for a while and have a break from them.

If LO is going through a trying phase then be kind to yourself and make sure you rest when you can. And don't spend time while people who make you feel worse about yourself.

It's all a load of codswallop anyway. People have this bad habit of looking back on babyhood and seeing this rose tinted view where it was all easy. Babies are hard work. Especially if they wake alot. And want to be held. It's exhausting and mind-numbing.

Is your dh giving you time to catch up on sleep and have you tried a sling so you can hold baby and still get on with stuff?

JollyTired Sun 15-Feb-09 20:37:52

I think he's got into the habit of waking every two hours - i should probably be stricter with him but am generally so tired that I feed him.

I am finding this time very exhausting but feel that I can cope - but it's other people's opinions that i find so upsetting - and makes me question what i'm doing - all i want it what's best for my LO.

I think I will take your advice Armadillo and take a break from the negativity that I get from some of my family!! Thanks

mamas12 Sun 15-Feb-09 21:34:53

This phase of separation anxiety is soooo normal and it sounds as if you are doing exactly the right thing by making him feel safe and secure if he calls for you you are there for him. The more secure you can make him feel now, the more confidant he will be in the future. Your ils are talking through their unfeeling and uneducated ill informed biased bony arses. Sorry but you don't need that kind of 'support' do you.

Colonelcupcake Sun 15-Feb-09 22:32:55

Your baby is 5 months old, he needs to be fed on demand (are you b/f or f/f) if the latter will he take a feed from your oh? You are most likely exhausted and emotional to boot, the advice your family is giving you will not be helping your self esteem as your armour is probably weak.

My first born at 5 months would scream at my fil and go no where near him now aged 26 months my fil is my first borns Demi God although he is by nature a shy and cautious chap (no real bad thing)

My 2nd born is a reall mummys boy and whilst is quite happy to go to anyone and has no fear of anything always wants me to be the one to cuddle when he invariably hurts himself

It is a phase (repeat it often and frequently when things are difficult) he will be happier to leave you when he's ready as he knows he can rely on you for love and comfort

Hope things look up for you

Jenbot Mon 16-Feb-09 11:28:47

Wow OP, your 5 month old and my baby (5 months corrected) sound almost identical - except mine does usually sleep for a nice 5 hour stretch at night!
My DD is fine to be talked to for a bit by someone else if she's in a chair or sat on my knee, but if anyone other than me or DH wants to make a proper fuss of her or actually hold her she gets sooooo upset, in a real state.

My MIL thinks we need to get her used to other people (which I guess is true really) but whenever we see her she picks DD up and wanders off with her screaming, which I don't think is going to help!

Not sure what the answer is, but it is probably just a phase I suppose!

Lotster Mon 16-Feb-09 18:56:51

Sounds like a veiled way of telling you she thinks your LO is spoilt to me! Either that or she's offended that the baby doesn't "sense" her superior skills...

If she's really dealt with lots of kids then she must have met a few who favoured their parents FGS!

Your LO loves being picked up by you, so clearly you haven't done everything wrong, don't worry.

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