How should I teach my child about religion?

[fadingfast]

I am an atheist, DH agnostic. We have never been to a church service with our 4yo DS although he has a fascination with churches and we have been inside one, but without having to properly explain what it's for.

He will be at school in September and I feel that he should have some idea about religion, but I don't know where to start. I don't want to influence him with our (lack of) belief but find it hard to think of a way of explaining it whilst not believing it myself.

Has anyone else grappled with this? Perhaps I'm worrying over nothing and he will just pick it up once he gets to school anyway, but I have a nagging feeling I should be at least giving him some sort of explanation before then.

[Seona1973]

I've not mentioned much to dd (5) about religion but she has done a few things in school e.g. they learned a bit about Jesus and christmas and no doubt will do something nearer easter time

[saadia]

I'm not sure why you feel the need to discuss it with him. If the school teaches him about it they will pitch it at his level.

[cory]

I have always found 'some people believe this' a good approach. And treating other people's beliefs as something interesting, part of life's rich tapestry.

[PortofinosDHwillDieIfHeForgets]

Cory - that's the way I plan to go when the subject comes up. I was discussing this with a colleague at work who is Jewish, but not especially observant. She was talking about when her grandmother died and obviously everyone was upset. She explained to her dcs that some people believe in heaven, some in reincarnation, some in nothing etc etc, and encouraged her kids to think about it and make their own minds up.

My dd's state education is totally secular, so beyond the Christmas Story, it hasn't really come up in our house yet. She has been into several churches, where we always light a candle to remember people who aren't with us any more.

Though I think I might need to do some reading up as I am quite ignorant about most faiths but think that a good understanding of all religions is the way to educate our children, whether or not you/they have a faith.

[Gemzooks]

I would wait till it comes up naturally, like he will probably ask you a question about something religious, then you can talk about believing in things, how people have a spiritual side and how we don't understand everything, and how people therefore look for different stories, books and ideas to explain how the world was created etc..

You could also explain that a lot of people believe in some kind of God who looks after everyone, but you don't personally believe it!

[solidgoldbullet4myvalentine]

Don't know if these would help?

[willali]

I have done the same as Cory - "some people beleive....". We are not a religious family as such but church played a part in our childhoods and whilst we don't beleive any more I do think that the grounding in morals and right / wrong issues was important and lasting. So on occaision our children have asked to go to Church / Sunday school and we have gone along with that, knowing that they will make up their own minds in the end as we did. Their school is fairly religious so it does come up a lot.

I take the line that Jesus was a good man and the stories he told tell us how to live a "good" life and be considerate to others and look out for those less well off and not be prejudiced etc, but he wasn't necessarily the son of God. I think they look at him as more of a historical figure than anything else.

[fadingfast]

Thanks solidgold - have you read either of them?

willali, I think that is exactly where I am coming from. I did go to Sunday school as a child and church with Brownies etc, so for me it was also a part of growing up and I think that's why I feel I need to at least introduce the concept. When my Dad died 2.5 years ago, DS was too young to understand what was happening and I really struggled to know how to explain it. I had to resist the temptation to say he had gone to heaven, even though that's not what I believe. It just seemed like an easy answer. In the end I just fudged it and said he was very poorly and had died which meant he was not coming back. Seemed a bit harsh at the time. I also agree that religion can (but not always) offer a template for living a 'good life'.

I suppose my difficulty with saying some people believe xyz but I don't is that it will inevitably be followed with a 'why?'.

[willali]

Fading - I've had the "why" conversation!

It was really difficult but I basically said that I found it difficult to reconcile the concept of God with all the suffering etc that goes on (of course I didn't use the words "reconcile" and "concept"!!). Luckily the conversation fizzled out before I had to explain the concept of free will and original sin

I had my (opposite of!) Road to Damascus moment in the mid 80's around the time of the Ethiopian famine, Live Aid etc. Luckily we had a quite groovy young school chaplain who quite enjoyed a good debate who never tried to bulldoze his views...

[cory]

I actually quite enjoy these conversations (have been known to try to explain the doctrine of transubstantion- which incidentally I don't believe in- over the dinner table). I think it's quite ok to say I believe in God but I can't explain why- Daddy doesn't believe in God, he can tell you about how he feels.

[solidgoldbullet4myvalentine]

Well when DS asks 'why' people believe in these imaginary beings I will tell him that it makes them feel better even if it is a bit silly, and he should let them get on with it.