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Separating and telling the children

(8 Posts)
ChickensMom Mon 02-Feb-09 14:12:44

Dear Mums/Parents out there,
I am separating from my husband and we will be moving into our own house at the end of March so need to tell my two boys - 6 1/2 and 3 1/2 by then. Don't know what words to use/ how much to tell them. Even though it is down to choices husband has made don't want to make him the bad guy and for the children to think ill of him. Want to use simple words and give it a positive spin of two homes etc. Know it will be a shock whatever way but wanted your advice. Anyone out there done this before???

Ivykaty44 Mon 02-Feb-09 17:21:27

For words, keep it as simple as possible, matter of fact but kindley.

Children are often matter of fact at 6ish.

I would tell them a little bit at a time and keep them both imformed about the move etc.

Moving house can be very stressful, so moving and in effect lossing one parent is two fold on the stress.

Keeping everything else much the same would be very helpful. Getting your ex to come to the new house so that your ds can show him where they sleep etc could be helpful.

Rather than a positive spin - I would opt for reasurance and plenty of it.

Long baths for the three of you and lots of toys, tea out after school and lots of going to the park and playing all together.

HTH I had to tell my dd at 6 that her dad was leaving, it isn't easy but they often just ignore it and carry on - just make sure that they know they can ask any questions.

ChickensMom Tue 03-Feb-09 17:16:01

Thanks Ivykaty, I like the idea of the baths with toys and lots of going to the parks and the reassurance. All very helpful...

mrsjammi Tue 03-Feb-09 17:20:01

Message withdrawn

ChickensMom Wed 18-Feb-09 12:58:04

Thanks mrsjammi. I want to keep it as "family" friendly as possible and ensure that the boys know we love them just the same as mum and dad. I'm just struggling with the words to speak but am making notes and trying to make it as honest as possible. Thank you.

dilemma456 Wed 18-Feb-09 14:01:53

Message withdrawn

ummadam Wed 18-Feb-09 16:19:20

Children that age are very interested in practical details - who will sleep where, will they have their own pyjamas at both houses, can they call the other parent if they want to talk to them at any time. Keep it as amicable as you can on both sides and don't go into personal details, rights and wrongs etc. It is too easy for them to want to take sides and protect the 'wronged' partner.

Tell them together if you can and don't make too big a deal of it (sounds silly I know as it is a big deal but if you want them to think that things will be ok you need to give them that vibe - not worried mummy vibes )

When my parents separated the hardest thing was the guilt when we were with one and not the other. They need to know you will be there for them - but not that they need to be there fore you. I found the sudden change from 'Mum' and 'Dad' to 'Your mother', 'Your father' very hard too - please avoid that if you can. Good luck and I hope it goes well. My parents were much happier separated than together and it was only the animosity between them that caused us problems.

hettie Wed 18-Feb-09 16:33:08

There are some good points here. I think this website has some very good points www.psychpage.com/family/divorce/tellingchildren.htm
also relate do a very good guide called "Help Your Children Cope with Your Divorce" that you can buy online from amazon.
Good luck

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