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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Losing all patience please help

26 replies

dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 20:15

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juuule · 30/12/2008 20:31

How old is she?
Could you let her fall asleep on the sofa next to you and then carry her up to bed?

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girliefriend · 30/12/2008 20:32

how old is she?

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pepperrabbit · 30/12/2008 20:39

My sister went through this, about 12 years ago with her DD. In the end (and I know this is probably deeply unacceptable) but they wedged the door shut with the hoover and sat outside(to make sure she was safe) and after trying the door a gazillion times the first night and only a million the second, she stayed in bed.
She was maybe 5 or 6?
I'm running away now before I get shot down in flames!

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 20:48

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UniS · 30/12/2008 20:48

keep going, you can do this. she will - eventully - get the idea. sitting agaist her door might be worth a try.. I do that if by is in filthy temper and been sent to his room.
arrr, that only works if you have a werid house like ours wre some doors open outwards into the hall rather than into the room.
Good luck any way. Stay strong and hit the chcolate if you need to.

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juuule · 30/12/2008 20:50

Could you do a put-you-up bed or something similar at the side of your bed that she could get into if she wakes in the night or early in the morning?

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onebatmotherofgoditschilly · 30/12/2008 20:54

God god god you poor thing.

I did reward/punishment

not hideous punishment, but something kept in a cupboard - dressing up shoes that she loved. Occasionally a silly breakfast (like chocolate..) Tv in the morning..special certificates etc.

You know, immediate stuff, no waiting.

It did work, in that it's much, much better now.

Good bleeding luck my dear.

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ClementFreudsGreatestAdmirer · 30/12/2008 20:54

i would just be dreadfully firm. i dont mean dreadful of course, but don't acquiesce to any complaints/questions. so sorry for you. this is a horrible situation. i can't get it right with my dd but i know i was stubborn as a brick with ds and he's always been very good.

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Kafka · 30/12/2008 20:58

My dd was a cot jumper and out of her cot at just 2, she would not stay in bed. We put a stairgate on her door, which has helped the situation.

Hope you find a solution that works for your family.

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 21:36

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lizziebeth · 30/12/2008 21:37

Is she still having a nap at all?

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Kafka · 30/12/2008 21:39

Poor you I know how hard it is when the evenings go on and on, sometimes I don't get my two into bed until nine and the two hours of upping and downing the stairs are exhausting. The stairgate helped a lot with dd; lots of exercise during the day to exhaust them sometimes seems to help. Hang in there

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 21:40

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lizziebeth · 30/12/2008 21:42

Sorry I mean is she still having a daytime nap at lunchtime etc?

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 21:46

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/12/2008 21:47

YOu are us. Have finally got DD in bed tonight she is watching a DVD the last few nights we gave up and she slept on sofa as we got tired of cleaning up her sick as she was getting hysterical, have tried the broom thing. The pity is that she was absolutley great at sleeping and going to bed until she had a cough a couple of weeks ago. I am just on my break as I am gonig to go and sit with ehr, before DH takes over and I go to bed with DS. Will watch this thread with interest.

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smugmumofboys · 30/12/2008 21:51

I'm afraid we wedged the door shut with DS1. He wasn't crying or distressed btw before anyone shouts at me. He tried to get out a few times then didn't bother, got back into bed and went to sleep. We didn't need to do it for very long at all. A week or so maybe. I tried rapid return, but it was just a game to him (ditto 'naughty step') and with ds2 a baby at the time, I had other stuff to be getting on with.

Poor you. You have my sympathies. I so understand that feeling of being at your wit's end.

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lizziebeth · 30/12/2008 21:53

Tha't ok, don't worry about whinging! My DD has driven me mad over refusing to go to bed in the past

If she doesn't normally fall asleep til 8.45 why not start getting her ready for bed at 8.15 ish and aim for asleep at 8.45pm in her room

If she does go down more easily in her room at this time, then after a few nights , you can slowly bring her bedtime forward by 10 mins at a time to a more an earlier bedtime.

I also really like the Autofade lamp you can buy where you adjust the light to whatever brightness they want. And it fades to dark over 20 mins if you want that too.

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smugmumofboys · 30/12/2008 21:56

Alternatively, have you considered that she just doesn't need to be going to bed as early as you'd like? I have a friend whose son gets up early and goes down later than the 'norm' and he's fine on it. He just doesn't seem to need as much sleep as other children. Once my friend accepted and embraced it, it was fine.

Just a thought.

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 22:22

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lizziebeth · 30/12/2008 22:37

Amazon have them for £20.

Link here

Highly recommended.

Am inclined to agree that she probably doesn't need as much sleep as other kids. Can sympathise - have the same prob with DD who is the only 2 year old I know who doesn't need a daytime nap anymore.

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bruces · 30/12/2008 22:50

Is there any chance you can hold off with the rapid return to bed,until you have some time off work and then if you have awful nights you could always veg out the next day on the sofa while she watches a dvd or something and catch a few winks.Good luck

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 23:29

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dilemma456 · 30/12/2008 23:34

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juuule · 31/12/2008 08:14

She's asleep by 8:45 usually anyway if you let her fall asleep on the sofa. I can't see anything wrong with that.
It won't be forever and you will get some peaceful evenings. If you're worried about losing it with her then stop the fight. Relax and let her relax. Try to take the tension out of it all.
Watch for her looking tired and then get her settled on the sofa. Tell her she has can stay there as long as she closes her eyes otherwise she'll have to go to bed. If she's tired she'll probably nod off quite quickly anyway.