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Going for 3??

(22 Posts)
calpol Sun 27-Mar-05 22:07:07

I've a dd1 (age 6) ds2 (age nearly 3) and thinknig about a third. DH has agreed but is happy with 2. I have spent ages deciding that I really want another but now we have thought about trying I'm just not sure. The youngest is getting so independent now, I'm not sure I can face starting all over again. Also I'm 38 so don't want to wait much longer. I can't work out if I've really decided that 2 are enough or if I'm just gettting cold feet. I am worried that I will regret it if I don't in years to come. i'm also concerned that there will be quite big age gaps, and that wil lmake it more difficult.
Any views on how you came to a decision about having more or not, any one whose regretted their decision?

Beetroot Sun 27-Mar-05 22:11:17

Message withdrawn

jamiesam Sun 27-Mar-05 22:16:36


I've spent ages (gently) wearing dh down til he agreed to us having no 3. Ds1 is 3 1/2 and ds2 is 1 1/2. Now that he's agreed, I do find myself having slight second thoughts - what am I risking, aged 37, one child each, 'only' 3 bed house, £, etc. Yet I know we're going to go for it soon (small gynae hurdle to cross first!)Quite simply, when we decided to have a family, I always thought in terms of having 3, and can't get it out of my head/heart. We're both from larger families (5 and 3), with gaps between 15mths (rhythm method!) and 5 years. I've generally hoped for small gaps just to fit my family of 3 in - 2 year gap been hard work but boys are great pals.

Interested to read responses, hope not too many regrets...

Aero Sun 27-Mar-05 22:23:59

We went for it after similar doubts. Mine are similar ages to yours so 3.5 year gap between no2 and no3. No regrets - was a tough year and am unlikely to want a fourth because of it (ds2 is now 14mths), but I am so glad we decided to go for a third - he is such a delight and the other two love him to bits - it's a pleasure watching their individual relationships with him.

handlemecarefully Sun 27-Mar-05 22:31:07

Want me to remind you what babies are like?

Maudy Sun 27-Mar-05 22:34:43

I am in a similar situation calpol and not quite sure what to do. I come from a family of four and always imagined having something similar. Now having two Ds's aged 7 and 2ys 9 mths I realise 4 is never going to happen but should I have a 3rd? I was 23 when I had DS1 so spent most of my 20s raising kids and now that I am 31 I am wondering if I want to start that all over again and spend my 30s doing that too?

Sorry I'm not being much help here but I think that if it is something you feel you really wnat you should go for it. it is more than likely that you will think 'what if' if you don't do it and I doubt very much you will regret the 3rd as they are bound to give you as much joy as your other two (does it sound like i'm trying to convince myself here?!)

It will be interesting to know if people do have regrets, but I doubt it.

Gobbledigook Sun 27-Mar-05 22:39:50

Hmmm, only you can make the decision obviously but if you are thinking you'd like 3 then I'd go for it. Once that baby arrives of course you won't have any regrets - he/she will be more important than any difficulties you might face.

I've got 3 but small age gaps (19 months then 21 months) - it's hard, hard work and I'm permanently exhausted but I wouldn't change it for the world. It's fabulous.

Good luck!

handlemecarefully Sun 27-Mar-05 22:40:53

Must say, I romantically dream of having 3 sometimes. I look at my golden haired little cherubs as they laugh at each other whilst playing happily....and conjure up a baby sister or brother for them in my imagination. Inside those hallowed dreams all is well with the world... but in reality it's not often like that is it?

handlemecarefully Sun 27-Mar-05 22:42:39


I saw that you said on the other thread, that you can't stand mess and disorder. With 3 lovely, but no doubt energetic boys, doesn't the chaos get you down at all?

kama Sun 27-Mar-05 22:46:14

Message withdrawn

JanH Sun 27-Mar-05 22:47:39

IME having younger children around as you get older makes a huge difference to your outlook. Yes, it might stop you doing some of the things you could do with just 2 older ones - or if not stop you, make it a logistical nightmare! - but it definitely keeps you in touch with your inner child (sorry) for longer.

I have 4 - when 4th was born the older 3 were 11, 8 and nearly 5 (and I was 42) - your gaps wouldn't be very different. The older ones can be fantastic at amusing a baby and, as Aero says, watching their individual relationships flower is very rewarding.

Gobbledigook Sun 27-Mar-05 22:49:11

hmc - er, sometimes I admit the mess gets me down but I'm quite good at 'keeping order' and while ds1 is in nursery 5 mornings and ds2 in 2 mornings, we are usually out and about in the afternoons - not often in making mess! TBH, the weekends are the worst for mess and that's cos dh is around .

I know it's only going to get worse as they get older though and I'll loose my control over the state of the house! Still wouldn't swap them!

handlemecarefully Sun 27-Mar-05 22:54:56

Yes, I'm sure it's worth it...

Still, not for me though (I don't think...but then again?)

bensmum3 Sun 27-Mar-05 23:35:30

I think you have to follow your heart, I have dd 10, ds 7 and ds 21 months, and I've loved nearly every minute of it. ds1 was playing with ds2 in his den in the garden this morning, then ds1 was beating up dd, and ds2 was shouting mummy, a.... crying, help,,,,( both the older ones love ds2, not so sure about each other sometimes,but its heartwarming to see them all playing nicely).
Whatever age gap you have will have it's advantages and disadvantages, I'm now trying to persuade dh to go for no4, before I'm too old !

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Sun 27-Mar-05 23:52:39

bensmum, have 5 lol. Great way to keep you busy forever!

calpol Mon 28-Mar-05 08:22:12

Thanks everyone. I'm just totally confused. Its definately a head vs heart situation. I know I would never regret having 3 . I was wondering more if in 10 years time I would look back and really regret just having 2. Despite the fact that with 2 we could get on with life and do the things we keep saying we will do like take a year off and travel the world (now how likely is that!). Everyone's thoughts are really helpful. Oh for an accident when no conscious decision needs to be made!

golds Mon 28-Mar-05 09:49:51

I feel exactly the same. My dd is 7 and ds will be 5 in a month. I do want a 3rd, then I don't. I want one at the beginning of the month and then when I gets to 'D' day I think maybe next month.

I like the thought of having one, but what about the reality ??? I liked being PG and love newborns, but they grow up. I was working at a High school recently and the thought of 3 teenagers in the house really wasn't something that I wanted.

I have a 3 bed house, where would I put the 3rd, just changed my car to a slightly smaller one - no room for a 3rd - or am I now making excuses ?

However the 'need' to have a 3rd keeps rearing its head. I too would be happier with a 'mistake'

Twiglett Mon 28-Mar-05 09:53:04

I really really want another baby, DD is 10 months and has always been a dream . BUT DS is 4 and I'm really NOT sure I want another 4 year old, IYKWIM?

golds Mon 28-Mar-05 09:56:38

Thats my problem, dd can be a right pain in the neck (as you know) can I cope with another one like her ? whereas ds is lovely natured, I could cope with one like him.

magnolia1 Mon 28-Mar-05 10:01:49

I have 4 girls jade is 9 danni and kira are twins of 5 and Katie is 21 months.
I always wanted 6 but hubby says no more
I never got the chance to go from 2 kids to 3 coz I went from 1 to 3!!! But I love having 4 and would have more even though we don't really have the room or the money.
On the other hand Katie will be starting nursery next year and I do want to go back to work so another baby is probably such a good idea.
Calpol if you know you wont regret having another but might regert NOT having another you have answered your own question hun

handlemecarefully Mon 28-Mar-05 10:02:38


Re whether you would regret sticking at 2:

My friend's mum tells me that she always planned to have 4, but after having 2 life just got in the way (financial problems, ill health etc...). She says that sometimes she whistfully thinks of how nice it would be to have 4, but this isn't a painful anguished longing for an unfillfilled dream - it's just a whistful thought.

What I am trying to say is that it hasn't exactly blighted her life that she stopped at 2 and didn't go on to have the 4 she initially planned. It doesn't even register as a serious regret.

If you want to have 3 then go for it - but don't have 3 just because you think you'll regret it later if you don't. You should have 3 for a positive reason and not a negative one.

magnolia1 Mon 28-Mar-05 10:02:41

I meant to say probably not such a good idea Doh!!

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