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DD is 5 months and I have just discovered I am pregnant.

(37 Posts)
Benjy Tue 16-Dec-08 18:48:48

I don't know how far along the pregnancy is but don't think it's more than 4-5 weeks so early stages.

I am supposedly infertile (PCOS) and had fertility treatment to conceive DD. DH and I weren't using contraception because we believed there was no need and while we thought we would need help to conceive again, hoped against the odds that in a year or two of trying naturally we might get lucky. Didn't expect it to happen almost immediately, didn't expect it to happen at all tbh!

I am in shock and wondering how I am going to cope with two young babies 12 months apart and no family or friends nearby. DD is currently not in a routine.

Is there anyone around with a similiar gap between children who can offer advice?

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop Tue 16-Dec-08 18:53:04

Congratulations smile

I don't have a gap like yours so can't really advise but there are loads of people on here with similar gaps so I'm sure you will be inundated with advice. Off the top of my head I think you will need a jolly good pushchair that's easy to push when heavily laden and your dh must let you nap as much as possible. You've got lots of time yet for your dd to grow into a routine and it will be lovely to have them so close - such good playmates I'm sure. If you haven't already read it you might like to look for Jools Oliver's book. It's quite a nice fluffy read and she had PCOS (I think) and daughters 12 months apart - it wasn't what they though would happen either! Good Luck

thequietone Tue 16-Dec-08 18:56:15

Fair play! I wouldn't let DH near me for months and months, so I take my hat off to you for getting back into "things."

Congratulations!

needmorecoffee Tue 16-Dec-08 18:57:09

congratulations. I became pregnant with number 2 when number 1 was 6 months old. It was tough but we managed (then number 3 came along 18 months after number 2...)
You'll need a double buggy. Rest when you can and I'm sure they will be great playmates.

santasinmywaistband Tue 16-Dec-08 18:58:10

my 2 are 13 months apart - its a shock, but you just seem to cope.

mine are now 2 &3 and it is much easier.

Benjy Tue 16-Dec-08 19:03:46

I don't drive and have been able to get on buses, tubes, etc. with DD. I know I'll need a double buggy - will that mean I can't get on buses anymore?

Santa, at what age did it get easier or has it only just?

KatieDD Tue 16-Dec-08 19:06:01

And don't worry about a routine, you have to find your own way with 2 that close.
It gets a lot easier once they get to preschool, well reception.

KatieDD Tue 16-Dec-08 19:06:38

Phil and Teds E3 was by far the best double buggy and narrow too.

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop Tue 16-Dec-08 19:07:59

Lots of buses will fit double buggys. Use the next few months to 'buggywatch' and see what people are getting on and off with - don't be afraid to ask them what they think of it either. I love giving people my views smile Also you could do baby in a sling and the toddler in the pushchair you're managing now too.

santasinmywaistband Tue 16-Dec-08 19:08:33

I have a phil and teds and it was my lifesaver.
TBH I found the first 6 months fine, difficult when the youngest was between 6 months and 15 months and getting easier since.
They are the best of friends and love being together

santasinmywaistband Tue 16-Dec-08 19:09:16

I wish I had gone for a sling now for the first few months

KTNoo Tue 16-Dec-08 19:11:12

Congratulations!

It will be ok, but if I were you I would leave a bigger gap before number 3! I do think 2 close in age is manageable (two arms, two parents etc), busy and extremely tiring, but manageable. 3 close in age is another story. Believe me.

For me the hardest stage was not at the beginning. dd1 was so little she mostly ignored ds, she still got lots of attention as you realise with the second child that newborn babies don't need quite as much attention as you give the first one. It was really hard once number 2 started crawling and nicking all number 1's stuff.

Something that really helped me was having a regular activity that dh did with our eldest. He used to take her swimming on Saturday mornings and I went shopping in town with ds in the pram. It seemed so easy after trying to shop with a one year old, and was such a relief after being on my own with the two of them all week.

You will be fine! (especially on the days when, miraculously, they both take a nap at the same time....)

Nbg Tue 16-Dec-08 19:12:20

Hi Benjy.

I feel like I have posted my story on here loads about this but I'll do it just for you since its christmas wink

I have 3 children. DD (5), DS1 (2.4) and DS2 who has juts turned 1.
When DS1 was almost 6 months I found out I was pregnant. I had a niggly feeling so did a test, or 2, almost passed out through the shock, screamed hysterically at dh for a few hours and then calmed down grin
I don't think I was so bothered about the fact that I had two in such close age but the fact that I was pregnant yet again.
I hate being pregnant, hate hate hate it so it was enough to tip me over the edge.
But the great thing about having ds1 at the age he was, was that it made the pregnancy fly. I wasn't counting the days down to the next week, it really did just fly by.

DS1 was 14 months when ds2 arrived and he loved him. In fact we all said it was like ds2 had flicked a switch on him. Before he was immensly clingy to me (he still is now but not half as bad) but as soon as he saw me laying in bed with his little brother he was quite happy for dh to put him to bed and do things with him that he would never have allowed before.

Now they are both a little older its lovely. DS1 is a bit behind on his speech but ds2 has started talking so they'll probably be talking to each other before long grin

We don't have any family nearby, well the nearest are 30 miles away. They came to help as and when they could but other than that I was on my own.

It will be fine. Its very daunting and maybe more so for you because you've just had your first child but I promise you, it will be fine and you will have 2 children who will have a great bond and a closeness that not many siblings share because of their age difference.

All the best with your pregnancy and go easy on yourself.

MrsMattie Tue 16-Dec-08 19:13:03

From the siblings perspective, there are 16 mths between me and my sister and we had a terrific childhood being so close in age and are still incredibly close in our 30s.

KTNoo Tue 16-Dec-08 19:17:06

I did the sling and buggy thing a few times but found it a bit cumbersome. It was almost impossible to push dd on the swing with ds strapped to my front.

But I never liked the sling much anyway. Much preferred the double buggy - I had a narrow side by side which I could get on the bus, and sometimes they BOTH used to fall asleep in it on the way home which meant I could park them and have a quick cuppa!

It was hard work but I do look back fondly on those days.

Nbg Tue 16-Dec-08 19:25:50

Buggy wise, we bought a Jane Twin Two which wa lovely but we have had no end of trouble with it.
We now have a Silver Cross Pop Duo and I love it.
Ticks all the boxes.

mumof2andabit Tue 16-Dec-08 19:30:29

Hi well I'm in the same boat as you well except that I have a 2.7yr old as well!!! Dd will b 14mo and ds will be 3 when this one comes along!

No advice tho I'm afraid but I'm getting a phil&teds. Let me know how ur getting on.

TheGarishlyTwinkleyMadHouse Tue 16-Dec-08 19:35:23

Hi - I have 15 months between my two and I will not lie, it can be hard, but it can also be really easy. DS1 is 3.9 and DS2 is 2.5

The first month went by in a complete blur, I was so tired, then it was easy until DS2 could crawl and then we went through a challenging period when all he wanted was anything DS1 had grin. It calmed down a lot then and now well I guess it is like any other brother thing.

I had a Phil and Teds E3 and it was great, I also used the sling when I needed to. I used to pop DS2 in a travel cot a lot when he was tiny with a net over it to stop his brother giving him toys (which inevitably ended up on his head)

I am gald that I have two close together neither knows or really remembers life without the other, so we dont really have an awful lot of jelousy. Good luck and congratualtions

Benjy Tue 16-Dec-08 19:47:42

Nbg, thanks for sharing your story. I also really, really hate pregnancy. Had severe morning sickness in last pg, which seems to be starting already, and spd/carpal tunnel towards the end. If I'm honest thoughts of a termination have crossed my mind since I found out yesterday because of last pg, awful birth, pnd and a DH who is wonderful at playing with DD but is not supportive in a practical sense. I know all the work will fall to me. I can't bring myself to feel happy about this because I imagine I am going to find it hard and I will be unsupported again. I can't bring myself to have an abortion either. I have been doing so many things with DD: swimming, music classes, etc, that I won't be able to do anymore and that she seems to really enjoy. I had just envisaged having more time with DD. I wonder how she will feel and can't get the idea out of my head that as I won't be able to explain this to her in language she will see me with another baby and think somehow she has disappointed me so I have replaced her with another/ that mummy doesn't love her anymore. The logical part of me thinks that a 1 year old isn't capable of this level of thought but she is a very quick and clever girl. I love her so much and she deserves more than I'll be able to give her in a few months. That makes me feel so sad and guilty.

Umlellala Tue 16-Dec-08 19:47:44

envy
can't believe you're actually having sex?! Please tell me it was just once...

(oh, and CONGRATULATIONS! grin)

Jas Tue 16-Dec-08 19:48:01

Congratulations!

I also have a 15 month gap, and for me the first year was the hardest, as dd2 was a very unhappy baby. They are 8 and 9 now, and it is great having them close in age.

I had an old maclaren side by side double which was fine on (London) buses, and used a sling when I could (but not as much as I wanted to as my children are big, my back is weak, and I had a cs with dd2).

I never did routines (apart from always going out at least once a day, which saved my sanity when dd2 was screaming for hours....the library staff got to know me very well, even though I hardly read a thing!) so can't help there.

Ask your H/V if there is a Homestart operating by you. They may be able to put you in touch with a volunteer who could come to your home once a week.
Also start taking DD to local groups now. You may make new friends.smile

hecAteAMillionMincePies Tue 16-Dec-08 19:48:51

congrats! There's 15 months between my two and it was fine.

NattyTurkeyAndEggnog Tue 16-Dec-08 19:53:02

i have 13 months between mine, and yes it is a shock.
but having 2 so close together, they talk to each other, and play so well, plus they play with the same types of toys being so close in age. they rarely fight, and i have a boy and girl. DS is 2.6 and DD is 1.5

def agree read the jools oliver book, inspirational for me, if u havent got it i could lend it to you?

i have a double, and yes they CAN be a pain on buses, usually only if another pram is on it. i dont drive, and dont plan to. am also expecting my third.

if you are concerned about using a double you could try a:

buggypod

for short trips tho as it dosent lie back
the mothercare tandam is a small double, and bus drivers WILL let you on the bus if there is another single.

i have NO family, and havent had a night of since my DS was born, however you adjust.

one peice of advice i WOULD give.. having two so close in age..for BF get a sling you can feed in. i would have given up otherwise, as its very hard to explain to a one year old you cant get/do/play something because u are feeding the baby.
i bought a:
zolo sling
this one has a zip up pocket for me to put a dummy, muslin square and anything else i might need.
with one of these you can get on with ur life, even with baby feeding cos u have both hands free.

i cant think of anything else.
where in the country are you? some of the mums that have replied on this thread might be nearby and could offer further support.

goodluck!

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop Tue 16-Dec-08 19:53:22

Benjy - your heart stretches as much as you pelvic ligaments do. You love them all the same, you really do and a sibling is a marvellous gift for your daughter. Talk to dh about your fears and tell your midwife so she can support you - but don't think you can't do it or that this is a mistake. This is a gift - embrace it.

(and eat lots of chocolate)

Jas Tue 16-Dec-08 19:53:25

X posts with your last post.
sad

I am sorry you feel so bad. I had easy pregnancies which helped, but you will be able to carry on with most things with dd.
I took dd2 to dd1s music class at 10 days old.

She is young enough to adapt....she won't remember a time without her younger sibling and you are much less likely to get jelousy issues than if you waited another year or two.

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