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Should parents be shown 'respect' by children?.. discuss

(83 Posts)
unicorn Tue 22-Mar-05 19:50:59

I only pose this question having had various experiences recently with friends of dd (5-6 yrs) who IMO have been extremely rude.

We oldun's (me and dh) have just been chatting, and realised that we would have never in a million years spoken to other adults the way some of these kids do when we were kids.
For eg....
I would never have called mums by their first names, nor asked 'what's in your bag have you any sweets or drinks for us?' (then... why not?!!!)

I just feel that somehow kids have too much power, and too little respect for authority, but maybe it's just a generational thing, and our parents said similar?

I'm very interested to know what you all think.

Twiglett Tue 22-Mar-05 19:53:31

think that's rude, but could be said quite simply I suppose but then again knowing kids of that age I can just 'hear' the tone they used .. that demanding whiney tone, right?

I think small children should be taught to respect grown-ups, yes

I certainly bring mine up with old-fashioned manners, as do most of my friends

don't think its generational really, think there's quite a few over-indulgent parents who can't see their children through other people's eyes

don't mind children calling me by my first name

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Tue 22-Mar-05 19:55:17

ditto the twiglett

anorak Tue 22-Mar-05 19:58:37

I wouldn't have dared do lots of things, mostly because I would have been hit, hard if I had.

I try to instil manners into my children and teach them to respect, as I do, everyone they meet until that person does something to lose that respect.

However, they do slip up and I'm not prepared to beat them for it. So I guess we just have to repeat our wishes to them till we're blue in the face. God it's exhausting bringing up kids, innit?

wobblyknicks Tue 22-Mar-05 19:59:18

Respect is earned, if parents can't earn respect with their kids then it's their own fault IMO.

marthamoo Tue 22-Mar-05 20:00:08

I do think there is a general lack of respect these days <<says she in her best school ma'am voice>>>

But my friends' children call me by my first name and I wouldn't want to be anything else to them. When I was a child I called Mum's friends "Auntie" but I would feel weird if I was called Auntie by children I was nor related to. And Mrs moo would seem too formal. Though it's tricky for the children who come to my house and call me martha, then when I help in school have to call me Mrs moo. What would you prefer to be called by friends' children, unicorn?

JanH Tue 22-Mar-05 20:01:21

I prefer first names - would hate to be called "Mrs H" or "Auntie Jan" (ugh ugh).

Manners are nice, but what matters most to me is that children look me in the eye and speak to me like a human being (even if it's a human being bearing choccie biccies or whatever). Obviously I would rather hear "please may I have a.." than "give me a..." but I can stand the latter as long as the child is otherwise human.

What I loathe and detest and stamp my foot about most is a child who goes "whisper whisper" in the ear of my own in the next room, whereupon my own sidles in and asks for something it would never normally dream of asking for.

NB This is all academic now as mine help themselves and their friends to whatever they want but thought I'd chuck in my twopennorth.

happymerryberries Tue 22-Mar-05 20:01:24

Agree with you marthamoo

unicorn Tue 22-Mar-05 20:02:10

but would you ever correct another person's child?

thing is, I just get the feeling that parents of my mums generation were all 'singing the same tune' (sorry for that one!!!)... and these days we are all on different pages of the score, iyswim!

Twiglett Tue 22-Mar-05 20:02:26

disagree quite strongly wk .. respect is taught by parents to young children, then it can be lost .. it is not until our our children are discerning teenagers / grown-up able to judge others on their actions and the meanings behind those actions that you can say 'respect is earned'

marthamoo Tue 22-Mar-05 20:02:52

And some kids are just downright rude. One of ds1's friends came for tea, he's a truly fussy eater, and when he saw what I'd put on the table (pizza and sweetcorn) he said "Urgh..what's that? I'm not eating that!" His Mum didn't bat an eyelid. I would have been mortified.

anorak Tue 22-Mar-05 20:03:04

wobblyknicks, I do agree with you up to a point. But they get older and hormones kick in, and they start to rebel. They completely lose the plot about the value of people. Well this is what I've had with DD1 anyway. However she is slowly turning back into a human. But for a while she didn't care about anyone or anything

happymerryberries Tue 22-Mar-05 20:03:12

I always prompt for please and thank you etc, regardless of who's kids they are. And would expect others to do it for mine.

marthamoo Tue 22-Mar-05 20:04:08

Are we having a mutual fan club tonight, hmb ?

Socci Tue 22-Mar-05 20:04:34

Message withdrawn

bundle Tue 22-Mar-05 20:05:14

a girl/boy i know often say "stop talking" to me/their mum when we are exchanging pleasantries on the school pick up & i regard this as v rude. the mother never corrects them, even though they keep saying it, shouting it even. one day i got down on the boy's level and said quietly "would you like it if i told you to be quiet when you were talking?" and made him laugh..i don't think anyone ever challenges anything these 2 kids say, so they're not being taught respect imo

Socci Tue 22-Mar-05 20:05:14

Message withdrawn

Socci Tue 22-Mar-05 20:06:14

Message withdrawn

marthamoo Tue 22-Mar-05 20:06:15

Ds2 says "stop talking!" But he is only just 3 and he will learn...

bundle Tue 22-Mar-05 20:08:05

mm, these kids are nearly 3 and nearly 5, and are v surly, don't say hello when i smile at them and say hello to them. weird. i suppose i am expecting a lot of them but i remember politeness being the be-all and end-all when i was small

JanH Tue 22-Mar-05 20:08:32

Yes, but bundle - if you were with friend A who met friend B and proceeded to have an engrossing chat with them which you were totally excluded from, what would you do?

unicorn Tue 22-Mar-05 20:09:56

I have told my dd, that if she spoke to one of her friends mothers the way her pal did to me tonight I would be very upset.

It isn't the name thing - I think that is the tip of the iceberg!!.. They just seem to treat you exactly as they would their pals in the playground.

Tbh.. what tipped me over this evening was when this lttle darling said.. " Your mum xxx unicorn is fat' (ok I am a bit!) all very loud so I could hear...(in back of car)
I just told my dd that I thought to say things like that about anyone was very rude.

Am I ott?

bundle Tue 22-Mar-05 20:11:07

janh, if the kids were talking i wouldn't talk over them, shouting "don't talk". and they do get included in the conversation, we talk about things we see and what we're going to do, it's not an "exclusive" conversation

JanH Tue 22-Mar-05 20:11:09

Nope, you are right, that is just rude.

wobblyknicks Tue 22-Mar-05 20:11:18

Agree that you have to teach the right behaviour and insist on certain manners but if that's done on its own and not backed up by showing respect in your own actions then it doesn't mean a lot IMO. My parents have always taught me manners and to respect others and I think I do. BUT they also showed me fairly little respect in their actions, and don't even show enough respect to each other and that's rubbed off just as strongly, if not more.

Not that they weren't good parents but they taught me that they were always right regardless of what I thought, which in hindsight had huge effects on my self confidence and my belief in myself. They also taught me that my opinion of them meant nothing, it was me who was expected to do the right thing, even if they didn't back. IMO thats affected my relationship with them quite negatively, and is very hard to 'correct' as an adult, namely because they still don't show me any respect. If you don't show your kids that they can respect you, they might find it hard to respect anyone.

Granted you HAVE to lay down ground rules and insist on your rules being followed but you also have to show them they can respect you, just like you would to an adult - so that you teach them respect and earn theirs.

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