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Stupid threats you've used that you can't possibly carry out...

(72 Posts)
Habbibu Fri 05-Dec-08 19:31:28

dd (2) pissing about at bed time, trying to play with my scarf while I'm trying to brush her teeth.

Me (casting about frantically for some leverage in the situation) If you don't stop that ... you can't have any stories again EVER.

Fast forward 13 years

Teacher "Why have you not read Wuthering Heights, LittleHab?"

LittleHab "My mother banned me from all works of fiction at the age of 2, Miss. I'm not sure if the ruling includes non-fictional stories, but I've been ruling out biography, all the same."

minouminou Wed 24-Dec-08 00:09:19

I say to DS (2.2), when he won't come through the front door, or won't leave the dog alone "I'm gonna get medieval on you", and for some reason, it really works, as he hops to!
As he gets older, I'm elaborating, and threatened him with thumbscrews and the iron maiden today, and have started to say Torquemada rather than medieval
I draw the line at strappado, though.....i'm keeping it blackadder rather than guantanamo bay

catweazle Fri 12-Dec-08 21:41:32

selectionbox "If you don't go to sleep I'll die, then you'll be stuffed!" I said the same thing to DD2 several times..

asicsgirl Fri 12-Dec-08 19:03:22

"if you don't go upstairs for a wee right now i'm going to eat your lunch"

mind you that one doesn't really fit into this thread as ds1 knows only too well that i would (i am bf ds2 and constantly starving) grin

spamm Fri 12-Dec-08 14:22:53

Also, recently, ds would not get undressed for his bath, so dh put him in the water fully clothed - was a great giggle for all of us.

Guess what? He now demands to get into bath with clothes on - that will teach us!

spamm Fri 12-Dec-08 14:20:50

Me this morning to ds (3.9): If you don't open your mouth for the nice dentist Father Christmas won't bring you any presents.

This was after several other ridiculous threats made, including about no more chocolate ever and no balloon or sticker. I was at a loss with what to do and dentist was great, but getting a bit annoyed. We were also trying gentrle coaxing at same time.

In an aside to the dental assistant, I said those fateful words: I sound like my mother! blush

notevenamousie Fri 12-Dec-08 08:25:53

Hang her from the ceiling by her toes! (she'd probably love it the way she hangs off the settee and does headstands anywhere and everywhere) Generally in jest, and as part of a distraction... am starting to follow through on the taking-things-away threats when they are needed.

Great thread! As DS is only 16 months I haven't much to add, but I am taking notes grin

One I really couldn't follow through (although it felt like it) was when he was around 4 months old and spending all day and night awake and crying, I eventually cracked and yelled "If you don't go to sleep I'll die, then you'll be stuffed!" blush

leothelioness Fri 12-Dec-08 06:51:45

I have threatened to take ds back to the shop where I bought him and get a nice boy instead.

Also if you don't stop that I will throw you out of the car.

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight Fri 12-Dec-08 04:56:31

My friends look at be oddly sometimes but DS knows I mean it!

Have just remembered - when DS was 3 I had just started doing the 123 Magic thing and he did or said something and I said 'that's 1', he carried on, I said 'that's 2' so then he (obv a bit fed up) hit me (lightly) and said 'that's 3' and took himself off to the stairs. All I could do was laugh!

Twims Thu 11-Dec-08 18:46:38

LOL at I will count to 1!! grin

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight Thu 11-Dec-08 16:16:06

I sometimes say 'I will count to 1'!

GoodWilfToAllMN Thu 11-Dec-08 15:59:38

envy at all those (obviously perfect) parents who never make it to 5...

GoodWilfToAllMN Thu 11-Dec-08 15:57:21

I did actually phone Father Christmas this week and instructed him to bring 'one less toy'...

DS was distraught and hysterical and insisted I called him back immediately to promise he'd behave.

Twims Thu 11-Dec-08 15:36:53


DS put your willy away - the birdies will think it's a worm and gobble it up !

Willy away and all's good !

Of course, all that summer we didn't get changed from wet swimmers into dry on the beach incase the seagulls gobbled his willy up ! hmm grin

Ivykaty44 Thu 11-Dec-08 13:18:45

If you dont stop - I shall leave home grin
I went and sat ot the front gate and they came and found me.... said sorry and we all went down the path home smile

myjobismum Thu 11-Dec-08 13:15:05

LOL isnt it funny the things we say!

I have been known on many occasions to say to DS (now 3) that I will bite his bum off!!! blush lol not sure even why i say it, but usually ends up with us running around giggling - so works.

For very bad moments we do the 1-2-3-4-5 thing and generally by the time i get to 5 it is sorted, however once or twice he has pushed me and i have reached 5 and panicked, i went on to tell him that he couldnt play with his toys for the rest of the day then - Cue me having to otherwise entertain him until bedtime - doh!

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight Thu 11-Dec-08 12:57:01

Sorry DWG but yes! In moments of extreme temper/frustration it used to be. Now it is a joke as I realised it was a pretty horrible thing to say so said it one day when I wasn't in a temper cue questions of how he would end up in next week etc. Now it is saying that breaks the atmosphere that could lead to it being said in temper again iyswim.

smellyeli Thu 11-Dec-08 12:55:36

'If you don't stop shouting you will have to stay in the car ALL NIGHT'

Hello, is that Social Services?

TheDevilWearsGlitter Thu 11-Dec-08 12:53:20

"I threaten slap DS so hard he will end up in next week. I never actually slap him!"

Are you serious?

TheDevilWearsGlitter Thu 11-Dec-08 12:52:39

I once told DD we had to go home as there were so many children in the playpark it would 'break'.

Next time we went the whole thing had been ripped up for a refit and she was devestated,she thought it was her fault.

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight Thu 11-Dec-08 12:48:39

LOLing at these - esp the disney/hotel one!

I threaten slap DS so hard he will end up in next week. blush I never actually slap him!

Have also threatened to leave him sitting on the stairs till he is 37. He is 7.

mankymummy Thu 11-Dec-08 12:40:56

me: "if you do that once more DS, I am going to go mad"

DS: wide eyed in wonder, sits down with his elbows on his knees, chin in his hands and says "oooh, go on then mummy".

im not sure what he expected to happen !

Twims Thu 11-Dec-08 12:40:42

LOL at some of these - especially the whispered Thank you grin

DECKmuppetWITHBOUGHSOFHOLLY Thu 11-Dec-08 12:33:23

Me - I'll clear out all of your toys from your room!!!!

Ds - silence

Me - proceeds to clear out the toys

Ds - what about my books? You've forgotton them...

Me - I'll give them away!!!!

Ds - I think Thomas down the road would like them...

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