"But I wanted to be FIIRRSST!" cue wailing. What do you do?

[jennifersofia]

Both of my dd's have got into this, especially my eldest and now whichever one isn't first cries when they aren't. As there are endless things to be first at, this is getting ridiculous, and extremely annoying. I have to say, I think it is led mainly by my eldest - who is quite obsessed with being first in everything. We have never really emphasised it to my knowledge, and have had talks about how "one can't always be first, and what is so bad about second anyway" but to no avail.
How do you/ would you deal with this scenario?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Do you and your husband ever get in a situation with the kids (particularly the eldest) where you could end up wailing "But I wanted to be Fiirrsst!"? (e.g. getting bedtime hugs from the kids?) After a bit of non-sincere wailing, you could burst into laughter?

My two aren't old enough for this sort of thing yet, although DS1 is already showing signs of weird jealousy. But I'd probably treat it with mockery, as it's such a silly thing (for them) to get upset about.

How old are they?

[AuntyQuated]

how old are they?

announce new rule first thing in the morning

if you complain about "not being first" then you will be second all day long EVERY time!

depends if they are old enough to undersrtand...if oldest could get this but not youngest then make sure you make oldest second initially.

[SleepyJess]

Have similar problems which I am trying to tackle althohgh this is with DD (6) and my best friend's DD (5) (who spends a lot of time here) who are actually best friends themselves most of the time!... and it needs to be tackled because if not it can deteriorate into arguments over who has the blue plate... the coloured cup.. the pink hat on etc etc. Even DD and DS (age 12!) do it sometimes.. only he does it specifically to wind her up of course, not because he really cares.

With DD and her friend, I try to give them the same of everything where possible.. not to 'give in' to them.. but to prevent an issue even occuring. Or if it's impossible, and I sense an 'I want that colour', or 'I wanted to be first' issue about to occur, I quickly cut in before either of them does and say that I really, really don't want to know about who was first.. or hear any talk of who wants want colour.

It sounds like a small thing, but it's a constant background irritation that can have you tearing your hair out!

SJ x

[Bozza]

DS (4) has just started doing this with DD - 10 months. ATM most of the time we just let him have his way ie he wants to get in the bath first, OK. DD is oblivious of course. But then DDs ready-brek always goes into the microwave first and so she starts her breakfast first - because she is a baby after all and he complains about.

On the both wanting the pink plate, I would be tempted just to take it away and give one a green one and the other a yellow one.

[SleepyJess]

Bloody kids. Why do we do it?

*non constructive SJ outburst there.. sorry )

[jennifersofia]

The eldest is just 4 and the youngest is 2.5. Some good suggestions on here, thanks. I like the 2nd all day suggestion (oh goody, I get to be first to suggest it! . But I do think that the younger wouldn't understand. I do think it is good to give it as little energy as possible. I think part of the problem is mummy possessiveness - as the whole thing started with 'who mummy would get out of bed first in the morning'. We do turns, but that can get OTT when you start thinking 'who was it that last had the first slice of banana two days ago' type of thing. The thing that I would like to get through to my eldest is that actually, being first isn't always best, but I don't know how to communicate that effectively. I worry that it will cause her problems when she goes to big school in September.

[Prufrock]

My 2.10 year old has started this as well and I really sympathise - it must be even worse when you have 2 who can verbally complain.
I am trying to emphasise doing things "together" - whether that be placing our feet on the top step of the stairs, or opening the curtains (both of which have prompted meltdowns recently).
I also think we have inadvertently encouraged the competitiveness. I have tended to encourage her to walk, eat etc by saying "who can get to the corner first", "Can you finish your food before " so I have made sure to stop that now.