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Parenting

8 (nearly 9) and still thumb sucking!

32 replies

brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 09:36

I've seen some previous discussions on this so now I know I'm not alone with this problem! My step-dd will be 9 in Jan & I would really like to help her stop sucking her thumb, otherwise, according to the dentist, she will be wearing a brace in a few years time. The thumb mostly goes along with an old toy bear (had it since she was 5 months old) which she likes to carry around and hold up to her mouth while she sucks. If we put the bear away she sucks less, but then tends to chew on things instead or put objects into her mouth - it's as if she hasn't gone through the normal process of learning about choking! Her birth mum left when she was 3 and rarely sees her, & I reckon that's why she has formed such an attachment to the bear. I guess worst case is that she gets the brace then won't be able to suck her thumb anyway, but I think that will be really upsetting for her. Most of the advice out there is directed at parents of toddlers & says that they will grow out of it when ready but I see from the post on here that isn't always the case The worst thing about this sort of problem at this age is that she has all the arguing skills of an 8 year old and so trying to reason with her about it ends up in a big upset with tears, which just want to make her suck more, of course Any ideas?

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 10:13

I thumb sucked up to this age until an orthodontist gave me a really barbaric looking contraption to wear - bit like a brace plate but with a metal prong which projected down into your mouth, which meant you physically couldn't get your thumb in.

I wore it for one night and never thumb sucked again.

I still bite my nails though!

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Mum2OliverJames · 20/11/2008 10:25

Stop and Grow my parents used it to stop my sister sucking her thumb, it tastes like ear wax!

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brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 10:28

Thanks for that bella29! Did your teeth recover? I think we will probably end up with the brace too, I think it's just gone on too long for her to be able to stop by herself. The other problem is that it stops her from doing so many other things. We have to take the bear away so that she can get ready for school etc., otherwise she just sits with her thumb in & doesn't respond, so it's becoming a bit of a conflict issue. Until recently she never played by herself, if she didn't have 1-2-1 attention she would just curl up on the sofa, thumb in, cuddling bear. When I met her dad 15 mths ago, I thought that was odd - is it just me? I've 3 boys as well & they all do odd things too!!! She does spend time do other things now, if we put the bear away & she stops sucking for a while, but after 10-20mins she is "bored" & wants to start again

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brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 10:30

Hi mum2oliverjames - what happened with the stop & grow? My DD would have a major tantrum if I tried that! I'm not sure her dad would be supportive either, although I know he's wish he had done more if she ends up with a brace.

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TsarChasm · 20/11/2008 10:37

My dd is 10 and still sucks her thumb. Perhaps a bit less than she used to (but not much!) I can't see how to stop her without nagging her 24 hours a day and bursting in on her when she's asleep. She finds it very comforting and doesn't seem to want to stop.

The dentist doesn't approve of course and has mentioned a brace.

But I wore a brace and it wasn't so bad really. And more to the point I never sucked my thumb either.

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Mum2OliverJames · 20/11/2008 10:44

Well my sister used to grin and bear it and suck it off so she could carry on sucking her thumb so i wasnt successful in her case but my mum had done it following advice for someone it did work for.

My sister ended up having a brace after having a 13mm over bite, the brace took lots of years of pain to get her teeth in the riht place, and as soon as she had the brace off she started sucking her thumb again, she is 20 now and still sucks it.

The stop and grow is just like nail varnish, try dicussing with DDs dad what he thinks and when he cant think of what you should do slip it in as a suggestion?

It was probably a bad idea using my sister as an example when she still sucks her thumb now, i know it does work but my sister is just v. v. stubborn.

My DS sucks his thumb and when it is time i will be using Stop and Grow to stop him if he cant give it up.

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 10:46

Hello stepmum

I didn't actually get a brace in the end - the orthodontist decided I was borderline and let it be. I now have a slight overbite (as the Americans would say) but without being vain I'm not buck toothed or anything. DH has a real hang up abnout buck toothed people so I am pretty sure mine aren't bad!

TBH I wouldn't worry too much about braces - firstly, they are a lot less noticeable than they used to be, and secondly, I read recently that children aren't as fazed by them now - they are seen as quite 'cool' apparently. She may not need them anyway - dentists often say that to stop thumb sucking.

Also, she is obviously getting comfort from it and surely it's better she does that than turns to something else. She's obviously been through a lot - oops, I have gone way off course here and do not mean to preach!!!

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loupiots · 20/11/2008 10:49

I sucked two fingers until I was 11 and went to big school. Peer pressure was the only thing that worked on me. No problems with my teeth either - luck or genetics, I don't know, but they are straight as they can be....

My mother hated it, though, and it was so stressful constantly being told to take my fingers out of my mouth. I used to hide so I could do it in secret. It was just a comfort thing. Maybe just leave the subject alone and take the pressure off?

My ds does it (he's still a toddler, though) and I just leave him to it. His cousin also sucked his two fingers until he 4.5, then stopped after a visit to the dentist. Clearly something in the loupiot genes.

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 10:50

Have read that back to myself and it's shocking - I really didn't mean it come out like that. Sorry

All I meant was it's obviously a comfort thing and she is probably getting more benefit than harm from it, at the mo.

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chunglimum · 20/11/2008 10:59

I sucked my thumb until I was 25... I do believe that it is something to do with comfort and confidence - I was a very unconfident child and adolescent. My parents constantly nagged me but there was just nothing like the instant comfort/relaxation that it brought. Better than booze or fags for a teenager too!

I don't want to preach either but I wonder if it is worth trying to boost her self-esteem in some other way. I wish that someone had done that with me.

By the way, I did wear braces but then so did all the other girls in my family - we just have wonky teeth! Can't stay to chat now but I couldn't resist sticking my tuppence worth in! Good luck.

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brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 11:10

bella29 - not preaching - that's fine, you're right, she has been through a lot in some ways, although she's got a lovely dad & fantastic grandparents & has had the best possible time without her mum around. She's surprisingly confident - the sucking behaviour would make more sense if she wasn't. I am thinking, as she's nearly 9, we should restrict it to bedtime & before breakfast. I really think it would help her general development to stop sucking & carrying the bear around during the daytime. Rewards maybe? I don't know!!!

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brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 11:20

loupiots good point about taking the pressure off, I certainly don't want to pressure her, but if she was left to it, she would spend all her non-school time with the bear in her face & her thumb in her mouth, laying on the sofa! Her brothers want her to play with them & at 8 we have homework etc. to do as well as a couple of after school clubs that she has chosen, so it has to be stopped sometimes just to have a normal life! I guess the bear makes it a lot worse, but there's no chance she will ever give that up...

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Berrie · 20/11/2008 11:21

Me too and I'm 37.

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:25

You've got the record so far, Berrie - most impressive

Any advances on 37?

I would still do it but it just feels weird, ever since I had that plate thing. Have constantly got my fingers in my mouth, though, and I'm 41

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Berrie · 20/11/2008 11:32

I'm a teacher though...have to watch myself sometimes!

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:34

lol Berrie!

Have picture of you thumb sucking in front of class, and also chunglimum turning down booze & fags in favour of her thumb!

Right, will stop hijacking your thread now, stepmum. Best of luck!

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brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 11:38

Thanks you lot. Now I think it's hopeless

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:40

Who said that? [grin}

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Phoenix · 20/11/2008 11:40

One of my mums thumbs is weirdly slightly smaller that the other due to thumb sucking.

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:40
Grin
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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:41

I could type better if I took my fingers out my omuth....

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:42

Mmmm....my right is smaller but I am left handed....

Discuss...

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brandnewstepmum · 20/11/2008 11:43

Your right what is smaller?

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bella29 · 20/11/2008 11:51

Thumb, stepmum!!!!

Have you forgotten what we were talking about?

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Berrie · 20/11/2008 11:55

I can't grow a fingernail very long on my sucking thumb.

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