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Ok I know I'm being over sensitive BUT ..........

(9 Posts)
HappyToBeHere Mon 14-Mar-05 14:38:00

Not sure why this has got to me again but it has and wondered if any of you lovely people can offer me any advice/insight.
When DS was about 14 months I met another mum through clinic, her DS was 6 months older than mine. The first time they met he bit my DS - drawing blood, I know lots of toddlers bite and wasn't overly upset about that. He almost seemed to enjoy getting a reaction from my DS from that point - in a nasty way, it seemed ridiculous at such a young age. I once mentioned it to my friend and she was very annoyed - at me! Anyway the years have gone by - I see her now and again, we're still friends, the boys are in the same year at School and as far as I know don't really play together and have never been in the same class but he will still, whenever he gets the opportunity, undermine my DS. He'll try and show him up in front of other kids. As I say I am aware I'm being a bit over sensitive about this, but it happened again at a party over the weekend (I was there - and he still did it) and my DS said later that night 'He's horrible' with such emotion it really made me annoyed. They're 7 & 8 now and I really don't want it to continue as they get older - and bigger.
Any advice gratefully received!!!

toddlermum Mon 14-Mar-05 14:58:01

No advice to offer I'm afraid - only sympathy - although my dd is much younger she had a friend who used to bite - when I finally brought it the mother decided to retaliate by blanking me whenever she saw me and never speaking to me again! Hope you can sort out the problem - huds to you and your ds. xx

toddlermum Mon 14-Mar-05 14:59:25

With corrections - note to self - must preview. No advice to offer I'm afraid - only sympathy - although my dd is much younger she had a friend who used to bite - when I finally brought it up the mother decided to retaliate by blanking me whenever she saw me and never speaking to me again! Hope you can sort out the problem - hugs to you and your ds. xx

MeerkatsUnite Mon 14-Mar-05 17:18:27

Happytobehere,

I personally would not have any contact with this woman and her spiteful offspring. Why are you still friends with her?.

Defensiveness as she has previously shown is to me a sure indicator of guilt, by putting the blame back on you she is absolving herself of any responsibility. I also feel that her boy is jealous of your son in some way hence his trying to show him up and undermine his confidence. I also take it as read that this particular child was not talked to by said parent for saying such things to your son.

beachyhead Mon 14-Mar-05 17:32:21

Just tell your son to steer clear........

Stilltrue Mon 14-Mar-05 17:51:08

I think MU is right; perhaps your son is perceived by this boy to be better than him in some way, which he can't cope with. Maybe your ds is sporty/clever/popular or SOMETHING, causing this unchecked (that's the worst bit)bad behaviour. It's not oversensitive of you to want tp protect your ds; if steering clear isn't helping, what about saying something to the mother - gentle hint if you value the friendship (why? is it just for old times' sake?), or more direct if you don't!

hercules Mon 14-Mar-05 18:18:40

DD is nearly 18 months and can bite. She also enjoys the upset it causes. It is ridiculous to say the child is therefore nasty. I would have been annoyed if someone tried to imply this about my dd.
At the age of 9, ds often falls out with friends and says similar things about them. I'm sure they say the same about him. I dont read any more into it than normal growing up.

Imo opinion all that doesnt make her child spiteful or her not taking responsbility.

Kids will always argue and do things to each other. It doesnt sound like bullying imo.

HappyToBeHere Tue 15-Mar-05 11:55:46

Thank you for all the advice, it's really helped - it's not easy getting the balance right at times is it? Thanks again...

WestCountryLass Tue 15-Mar-05 13:35:35

My DS used to take a pasting from my neice and from a friends DC, the difference was my friend would try and 'correct' her DCs behaviour whereas my neice was allowed to get away with murder and I was once told 'if he didn't cry she wouldn't do it...'.

That said, I don't think you can draw conclusions from how this boy was at 20 months and now how he is aged 7, I think you ought to put the toddler behaviour in the past kwim.

One thought I had was maybe because this boy is familiar with your DS he is jsut trying to show off infront of the others, as kids do? Thats not to say it is OK and he should get away with it but whether his Mum is dealing with his behaviour or not, I would try and give your DS coping strategies (walking away, not retaliating, making his own friends etc etc) if I were you.

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