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just had the most crap time with ds and lost it big time and it was my fault to start with

(11 Posts)
justgotbfp Fri 31-Oct-08 21:47:06

ARRGGHHH. DS didn't want to go to toy library to take toys back which were due so I said he could come or I would ask a babysitter to mind him (which I knew he would balk at) so he came but stayed in the car. There was a fair accross the road which I wanted to go to and ds said yes but when we got to crossing the road he decided he didnt want to go (my mistake no. 1), I said just lets look and leave if it's no good"
Over at the fair he wants a sausage so get one and then he wants to go home (my mistake no. 2, I say I want a quick look shall we start at the toys. Ds moans and cries on the way to the toys and then says he wants a puzzle, I get down to his level and talk to him about crying and whining and that I don't buy him things if he does this. Starts yelling. So I say ok then we will leave and walk off with a hollering ds behind me. Get to the road and ds won't hold my hand so pick him up while he whallops me (getting pretty cross by now) He loses a shoe so I put him down to get it, now in a busy carpark, he starts to run off and (mistake no. 3) I shout because it gives me a fright. I pick him up again and physically insert him into the car (I have to admit to dumping and slamming at this stage) He immediately opens door again so I shut it again and stand against it so he goes to other side of car and tries to get out that way so I put him into carseat and physically force the straps on and start to drive of whereby he opens the door while I am driving. Get out and put lock on and spend rest of drive home threatening all sorts, shouting and generally saying that I have had enough of this behaviour etc, etc. He went straight to his room when we got home and when I went down to talk to him he told me to go away....I hate this so much. I used to be a nice person. I got to age 3 withoout ever shouting at him. The last year has just gone down hill and I am finding it harder and harder to deal with the constant tantrums. Before you all say it I have tried the whole How to talk to kids and he hates it, I have tried ignoring when I can...it escalates, I have tried rewarding the good...makes no difference, he just demands rewards which then turns into a tantrum if he doesn't get one etc. Anyway not sure I want advice or anything just needed to vent and write it down, get it out. I hate who I am as a mum...I have to try harder. Am crap.

justgotbfp Fri 31-Oct-08 21:58:42

I guess what worries me is how roughly I put him in the car, he wasn't hurt but at the time I was beyond caring, I just wanted him in. That is just abusive really, perhaps I should get some help. Poor ds.

liath Fri 31-Oct-08 22:09:07

I've been there too, it is utterly crap. 3 year olds have a special talent for making you feel like The Worlds Worst Mother sometimes. There was a great thread a while ago where someone said that they would pretend they were being videoed on CCT all the time for a parenting-type programme. It sounds daft but it can really help if you feel like you are losing the plot.

If you were a crap mother you wouldn't care. Or you'd blame your ds for making you behave like this.

Dottoressa Fri 31-Oct-08 22:09:43

I shan't offer advice (not least because I don't have any) - but I will say that we're all capable of losing it. I am very calm and smiley; I never shout at the children; I've lost my temper six times in twenty years - but three of them have been with DS (and all of them in the last two years - he's now 6.5). It sounds as if your upsetness isn't normal practice, in which case the best thing to do is write it off as a crappy, horrible day. I spent about a year when DS was three or four making resolutions before I went to sleep about how I was going to handle him better - and that was before I'd ever got really cross with him!!

It's horrible to find that you can get so angry with your lovely child - but it doesn't make you a bad mother. I hope you have a better day tomorrow...

pickupthismess Fri 31-Oct-08 22:10:17

90% of mums with toddlers have been there. Don't worry.

It is said that most toddlers have tantrums because they are being harried/rushed or are frustrated. I guess you need to understand the triggers for his tantrums. Here I'm guessing he just really didn't want to go to the toy library. If you read back your post you can see how you could have nipped it in the bud. Easier said than done I know. specially when you're out and about and people are watching.

You say you maybe don't want advice....but for what it's worth, the only bit I can give is to not try and discipline tantrums (i..e shouting and threatening) just ignore and let them run out of steam. To stop it escalating - get him secure and then walk away and have 30 second's time out. I used to go into the utility and just shut the door and hold it while I personally calmed down. Then go back out and hold him until he calmed down.

It does pass! Thank God.

Tryharder Fri 31-Oct-08 22:10:45

Firstly, you are not crap - you have had a bad day. Secondly, what you describe is quite normal. I don't know any toddler/preschooler who doesnt on occasion behave as your DS has done. TBH, it's a rare day when my DS1 isnt shouted at gently reprimanded by me for something or other. wink

Relax. You sound like you are a doing a good job - honestly!

jooseyfruit Fri 31-Oct-08 22:11:32

im sure you are not a crap mum, we all have shitty days when we are convinced we are terrible, terrible mums.

it's just your post is really hard to read, thats maybe why you haven't had many replies.

jooseyfruit Fri 31-Oct-08 22:12:38

god that sounded crap. i'm off to bed blush

justgotbfp Fri 31-Oct-08 23:23:11

thanks everybody. I know I shouldn't have taken him at all but the toys were due back and we would be charged if we didn't return them and he was actually happy to stay in the car, it was only going to the fair that was the big disaster. Sorry if my post is hard to read.

justgotbfp Fri 31-Oct-08 23:23:16

thanks everybody. I know I shouldn't have taken him at all but the toys were due back and we would be charged if we didn't return them and he was actually happy to stay in the car, it was only going to the fair that was the big disaster. Sorry if my post is hard to read.

asicsgirl Mon 03-Nov-08 11:45:42

bit late for this perhaps but i just wanted to say that in your post you blamed yourself for everything. i too always go back endlessly over situations that Turned Bad and try to spot triggers etc but i do think sometimes small kids just get themselves into a mood where they are looking for a fight! and everything you do will be wrong. so try not to be too hard on yourself. communicating with little kids about what they want/ don't want can be so difficult - not least because they change their minds the whole time - and you can't always do what they want to do anyhow; real life has to intervene sometimes!

the only tip i can offer which works with my ds1 is to convince him to drink/ eat something. he is at his arsiest when hungry/ thirsty. just like his mum grin so i never leave the house without snacks! sometimes getting him to eat it is a whole new battle but things often improve dramatically once he has.

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