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I've lost my confidence with my DS (1yo)

(6 Posts)
MurderousMarla Thu 30-Oct-08 17:31:55

I don't know how to put this really but I need to get it out, I am all of a sudden just feeling really unconfident in looking after DS on my own.

I am fine when DP is around, and don't rely on him if there is a problem, but do feel very comforted by his presence for backup maybe... and I'm fine with friends or when out... it's just at home it's so hard, DS is so whingey lately and I feel awful just saying it, his first year has been bloody hard but I can't help but think it was easier 2/3/4 months ago, I just don't know why.

I panic if he goes into meltdown in case he gets inconsolable, which does happen a lot, I worry that he won't go to sleep for his nap, or won't eat properly, which he doesn't always, I am just tense and waiting for the day to end.

It's not fair as he is such a sweet baby and so funny, full of character and mostly really happy. I think the problem (if there is one) is that the challenging moments tend to be quite extreme and wearing.

I've recently returned to work three days a week and initially valued the two days on my own with him an awful lot, now I just can't wait for the weekend

MurderousMarla Thu 30-Oct-08 17:32:29

Not fair on DS I mean.

thisisyesterday Thu 30-Oct-08 17:49:38

aww, it sounds like maybe he is finding it a bit hard with you going back to work and is also possibly getting a bit o separation anxiety which is common at his age. my one year old is also quite ehingey atm, but that just means extra cuddles and lots of time in the sling

I know that it's easier said than done, but go with the flow. It's pretty hard to noit look after a baby properly (unless you're dropping them on their head regularly!!).
he'll eat what he needs, trust him to regulate his own appetite.
if he doesn't go down for his nap, well, he might be a bit grumpy but really what's the worst that could happen? you could take him out for a walk or drive to get him off?

it might be worth going through all your worries about him, thinking about the worst that could happen, and then thinking of things you could do to prevent it iyswim?

MurderousMarla Thu 30-Oct-08 18:49:20

Yes the separation anxiety is definitely playing a part, and it is so tiring to not be able to go into another room without tears, and to carry him upstairs just so I can have a wee...

I just feel shaken, we have all been ill too which doesn't help, was a bit scary, maybe it's a control thing.

I am so tired and my patience is short. I don't shout, I don't get angry, just sick of it, and I hate myself for feeling like that because as hard as it's been the last year has been an absolute joy.

I do drive a lot to get him to sleep, I just long for an hours peace in the house on my own (while he sleeps I mean) to read the paper or something. You expect to lose most of your time with a baby, but you also expect by 1 year to be having little bits of it back, IYSWIM.

Maybe I worry too much?

meandmyjoe Sat 01-Nov-08 06:36:46

yes you do worry too much but believe me it's normal! I can relate to a lot of what you have written. My ds is 14 months and whilst I don't dread it anymnore, i did hate being left on my own with him. He would whinge and cry all day and it was awful being on my own with him constantly. I felt my heartrate rise when he cried and would dread nap times/ meal times as these were the times he would meltdown. I couldn't NOT stress over nap times as if God Forbid he missed a nap, my whole day would be ruined as he would become inconsolable and awful for the rest of the day.

I'm not sure what changed to make me feel differently about it other than when he got walking just before his birthday, he bacame a lot happier and so did I. It's very easy to think 'he's 1 year old now and I should have time to myself or he shouldn't be behaving like this now' but the truth is, I still don't get much time to myself and I have just stoped comparing. It's very damaging to look at other people and their babies and constantly wish that you were as confident as them or that your baby was as content etc etc. He sounds lovely and you're doing a great job. I agree with what others say, he will regulate his own appitite and I know it's easier said then done but try not to stress too much about it. He's very young, still a baby and everything you say he's doing sounds normal so you don't need to doubt yourself at all. smile

georgimama Sat 01-Nov-08 06:39:27

I agree that once they can walk one year olds get an awful lot easier. DS was very cross and frustrated until he could sit up, and then he was bored by that and wanted to crawl but couldn't, cue more crosspatch behaviour, then he wanted to stand and couldn't etc etc etc.

Around 15 months was a real break through point for me, he is totally adorable in every way now.

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