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When a kid gains a 'reputation' at school, is there any way back?

(56 Posts)
MrsSnape Wed 29-Oct-08 22:36:46

DS is sobbing is heart out. Says he is constantly getting shouted at during school. If a group of them are fighting, DS gets the blame for all of it. At assembly time he is seperatd from all of his friends and has to sit with a teacher BEFORE he's done anything wrong.
During class he is seperated from his friends and has to sit at the front with the teacher on his own INCASE he distracts the others.

And this is the best one ... On a friday when a certain teacher goes in, DS is sent to work in the coridoor on his own BEFORE he does anything wrong so that she can work with the others 'in peace'.

I know he can be a pain but I know for a fact he's not the worst kid in the school or in his class.

The other day there was an incident involving a boy in the toilets. Basically a kid was in a cublicle and a big group of boys were banging on the door and shouting at him and made him cry. DS WAS THERE. I'm not denying that but when I was discussing it with the head she said "he was very quick to tell me that the others had done it rather than taking responsibilty for his own actions" ... and the kid sat on the toilet had even said it wasn't DS!! he was just there at the time.

He's getting told off and isolated every 5 minutes and I know he's not making it up because a lot of it happens under my nose.

A couple of weeks ago for instance there was a row in the playground with a group of parents and I heard DS's name mentioned. Basically a 3 year old lad had been punched in the face and one of the boys said it was my DS. So the parents go in guns blazing complaining about DS before the 3 year old turned around and said "it wasn't him! it was (kid who'd blamed DS!). So what happened....both DS AND this other kid got into trouble for it but basically, the lad blamed DS because he knew full well the teachers would believe him.

I'm starting to wonder if there is any way back from this sad it makes me so sad to think of him sitting in a coridoor on his own whilst all the other kids get to work together inside.

MrsSnape Wed 29-Oct-08 22:41:20

Also. he's struggling with his work (I know this as getting him to do his homework is a full on battle, he finds it all really hard) and at school he said the teacher shouts at him really loud if he doesn't get on with it. When I told his teacher that he was finding it very hard she told me he was putting it on because he couldn't be bothered.

I've just told him I'll go into school with him on Monday and speak with the teacher and he screamed "I'm not going back". This all co-incides with his terrible mood swings lately, he's suddenly gone from being confident and cheerful to being nasty, moody and tearful... all since September really.

Monkeyblue Wed 29-Oct-08 22:41:47

How old is DS?

I take it that you have been asked into school before ON his behaviour what he is suppose to have done.
They can`t remove him from class or sat on his own without you knowing.

He can`t be responsible for it all that goes on in school.There are other kids

kalo12 Wed 29-Oct-08 22:43:19

gosh thats terrible. i would go and speak to the head about your concerns. this seems unreasonable behaviour from the teachers. i am a teacher btw

Monkeyblue Wed 29-Oct-08 22:44:19

Then the teacher should make him bothered maybe approach it in a different way so that he gets what she is teaching

Candlewax Wed 29-Oct-08 22:44:26

Hi MrsSnape, have a virtual cuddle.((()))

I have been there and worn the T shirt. I can understand why your heart is breaking and why your ds's is too.sad

I personally feel there is NO way back. He has been labelled and he will not lose that label unless he changes to another school. His peers have learnt that they can blame him and get away with it.

Give a dog a bad name and it does stick.sad

This is doing his self-esteem no favours. All children want to conform really and they want to be liked. To be labelled as the "naughty" one permanently could have serious consequences for his mental health.

TheFallenMadonna Wed 29-Oct-08 22:46:19

If he is constantly being removed from class then there is a significant problem and you should be fully in the loop about it. You need a proper meeting with his teacher, not a few minutes at the beginning of the day.

MrsSnape Wed 29-Oct-08 22:48:20

He's 7. The thing is, they hardly ever call me up on anything they reckon he's done.

For instance he started year 3 in September and I thought all was going well as the teacher had not said anything to make me think otherwise.

Then, a couple of weeks ago we had open night. I went in expecting them to say he was a little behind but not massively so and instead I got:

He's not doing very well at all. He's way behind on EVERYTHING. We have to sit him himself ALL THE TIME or he gets nothing done and doesn't let anyone else get anything done. He has NO attention span. etc etc etc...why do they not mention this to me before it gets to the open night??

It's been going on since year 1. I know his first teacher didn't like him, she made it obvious and once said to him "I hate that horrible grin of yours" shock and she used to tap him on the head with a pencil.

Tryharder Wed 29-Oct-08 22:49:45

I feel for you. A few years ago, I was considering changing careers to be a teacher (didnt do it in end) but spent a couple of weeks at my local school helping out to see what it was like iyswim.

I will always remember one little boy whom the teacher clearly disliked. He was obviously a handful but he was told off and punished constantly for the smallest things which other kids got away with because they were not seen as "naughty"

If I were you, I'd make an appointment to see the headmaster/mistress, write down your list of grievances. You should make it clear that you are not going to tolerate your DS sitting by himself outside or not being allowed to play at lunchtime.

If the head is not taking you seriously, then what about the board of governers or the local education authority?

MrsSnape Wed 29-Oct-08 22:50:26

He is on school action plus btw.

kalo12 Wed 29-Oct-08 22:53:16

you must insist that they inform you of all incidents so you and theschool can work together at helping him. i'd say your ds needs more teacher help, rather than being put in the corridor. i am v shocked at your school. poor you.

quote' every child matters ' child policy at them

Monkeyblue Wed 29-Oct-08 22:53:40

Hang on the school is way out of order

How can they tell you that without any warning of what to expect

If he was that bad surely they would have had you in earlier.

How can you deal with him at home (for his behaviour at school)if you don`t know whats been happeninghmm

You need to get in there and sort it out
He is losing his confidance and is going to get further behind

TheFallenMadonna Wed 29-Oct-08 22:53:55

What intervention is he receiving?

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Oct-08 22:55:38

Message withdrawn

pooter Wed 29-Oct-08 22:57:59

Hi Mrs S, your poor little boy, i really feel for you both.

it may be completely not what you are interested in, but have you thought about home educating him? It sounds like this whole school experience is damaging his self worth.

Candlewax Wed 29-Oct-08 22:58:20

If he is on School Action +, have you considered applying for a Statement? It sounds like he needs a proper assessment of his needs. He may have a REAL educational problem that the school have overlooked. He could have ADD or even a form of dsylexia. If you decide to apply, you do it as the request from a parent carries more weight than one from a school and from the sounds of it, your school is not that supportive or not that clued up on a child's needs.

When you are unhappy at school and you don't know how to fix it, the unhappiness can come out in lots of different ways. As my GP said to me when my son was so down "he does not actually give a toss because the adults he expects to support him are failing him". It is a very confusing world for children.

kiddiz Wed 29-Oct-08 22:59:13

A friend of mine was called into school to discuss an incident her ds had been involved in during assembly. My friend duly went along to the appointment with the head. Turns out on the day in question her ds had been at home sick!!
Her son was just a bit of a class clown who loved to make his classmates laugh. A bit of a handful but bright and definately not naughty as such. But such was the reputation he had earned with the head, who didn't like him, he got blamed for something when he wasn't even in school.
Sadly his unwarranted reputation followed him to his next school too.

LittleBellaLugosi Wed 29-Oct-08 22:59:16

Also have a look at the bullying policy. Sounds like your DS is being bullied by the teachers, but I don't know if bullying policies acknowledge that that is a possibility and how it should be addressed.

MrsSnape Wed 29-Oct-08 22:59:25

He told me about this teacher on a friday that sends him to work on his own outside before the class starts... a teaching assistant walked past him one day and said "are you out here again? you shouldn't be sitting out here on your own" and she shook her head. The head walks past and said "why are you out here on your own again?" and he said "I don't know" and so she just walked on shaking her head.

The head does not like him and I don't think I'd get very far with her to be honest.

A few weeks ago he was sent out of the assembly and shouted at in front of the entire school, sent to the head and shouted at again...they never informed me of this, I found out from another child. When I asked the teacher who sent him out she said it was because he was messing about. DS said "david" was talking to him and he got the blame. I put this to the teacher and she replied "yes well, he should know better than to sit next to David then if he gets him into trouble, he has to learn to take responsibilty for himself".

And recently kids have started pushing him around and kicking him. When he told the dinner lady she replied "oh, and I suppose you did nothing to deserve it? hmm "

TheFallenMadonna Wed 29-Oct-08 23:01:40

MrsSnape - what is on his IEP?

pooter Wed 29-Oct-08 23:02:45

Oh bloody hell - they are really victimising him. Hes only a child, how can they be so cruel? If it was me i'd whisk him out of that place and give him lots of love and show him that hes not a 'bad' boy.

LittleBellaLugosi Wed 29-Oct-08 23:02:55

You need to make a diary of all this.

LittleBellaLugosi Wed 29-Oct-08 23:03:39

He's basically being bullied by the staff by the sounds of it.

Poor little boy.

Monkeyblue Wed 29-Oct-08 23:05:11

Actually it does make a difference if the teacher does`nt like your child for no reason

We kept going in REception-nothing

Then went to head about DS we knew he was`nt happy at school
She told us that she felt he had a loose wire that sometimes connected to the Brain sometimes it did`nt he could remember something one day and not the next

We had to pay for a head scan then more tests
It turned out 1500.00 later
He has dyslexic when we told her she laughed and said she had never seen dyslexic like this before in the middle of the playground HOW I did^nt deck her there and then I will never Know

BUT the teachers since have been mostly good with DS and he is a lot happier

It does make abig difference

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Oct-08 23:07:22

Message withdrawn

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