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im such a bad mom im ashamed of myself :(

(15 Posts)
nikcola Wed 09-Mar-05 20:56:03

as you all no dd has a real problem with having her hair washed,
well its got worse she banged her head 2 weeks ago and have to have it glued so couldnt wash her hair ,
but tonight i was looking for nits as you do! and her hair smelt horrible so i bathed her then rapper her in a towel and held her over the bath and washed her hair very quickly, she screamed so much bless her she kept screaming

"mommy no please dont plese mommy" my neighbours must of though i was hurting her i feel like such a horrible cow i really do i no its only hair washing but im still in tears now when she stoped screaming (and i mean screaming at the top of her voice)i flipped and shouted at her and made her cry again with myself,
what am i turning into im a bitch , after her hair was washed she was shaking like a leaf

toddlermum Wed 09-Mar-05 20:59:56

My dd (5) has always hated having her hair washed - to make it more bearable I put a flannel over her eyes and always try not to get any water in her eyes.

NO - YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT. Sending you hugs as I have also had dd shaking like a leaf after washing her hair in the past and I know how horrible it feels. Go give her a hug and a cuddle - even if she is already asleep. Lots of love xx

jampots Wed 09-Mar-05 21:00:20

dd used to behave like that nikcola until she was over 3. I remember being pregnant with ds (3.5 years between them) and having to hold her under my arm (like a pig at market) to wash her hair with her literally screaming the house down. Invest in a pair of goggles and one of those hat things that keep the water off her face

nikcola Wed 09-Mar-05 21:02:49

thats how i held her today jampots,
i just feel like such a cow, i promised her that i would buy her a baby born caause she was a good girl ! shes still up (shes been ill so she slept in the afternoon) but she wont talk to me

nikcola Wed 09-Mar-05 21:13:54

it feels like ive traumatised her for life

colditzmum Wed 09-Mar-05 21:16:11

She will have forgotten by tomorrow, unless she realises just how guilty you feel - then she will of course remember it for the rest of her life.

Look at it like this, was it better to wash her hair, or should you let her run around with a smelly head?

bellababe Wed 09-Mar-05 21:18:32

There was a woman from Glasgow in the paper today who was locked up for a year, yes one year, because her child died when her nappy rash became infected with her own excrement. The mother told neighbours that the baby liked having a dirty nappy. When they went into her home afterwards there wasn't a single clean nappy here. This woman left her 3 month old in dirty nappies.

That is being a bad mum.

You have to wash your dd's hair because you know it's best for her. If you knew this, and didn't do it, that would make you a bad mum.

On a more practical note - my ds isn't great either with the hair thing (though not as bad as your dd). I get him to lie back and hold on to the handles on the bath. I have my lower arm under his neck like a baby and I talk to him very gently, without doing anything, and I say "open your eyes, go on, open them up, I'm not doing anything. Now look at mummy" and I give him the biggest smile. "Mummy's not going to hurt you. Mummy;s going to look after you" then I start just playing with his hair under the water with my other hand and it's very quickly wet. Then he sits up, I shampoo, let him play with it, make horns, look in the mirror, etc. Then we do the same thing for rinsing.

Not foolproof, I'll admit, but it usually ralaxes him a bit.

nikcola Wed 09-Mar-05 21:18:43

well her hair was minging ! but now it is lovley and i keep telling her shes a nice clean girl now!

nikcola Wed 09-Mar-05 21:19:42

god thats discusting that poor child

mummylonglegs Wed 09-Mar-05 21:21:13

How old is she nikcola? My dd used to cry all the way through hair washes and i just used to pour the water over her screaming little head til it was done then play a lovely game in the bath to cheer her up. But from when she was about 2 I got her more involved in the process, seeing how far back she could hold her head so she wouldn't get soap or water in her eyes and praising her manically and she's been fine since. 2.5 now by the way. I actually quite look forward to doing it because one of my 'bribes' was that we dry her hair with her sat on my knee and an animal programme on. It's rather cosy.

But don't worry at all about her being traumatised, I know you must feel lousy, I do whenever dd's gone to bed after a bad incident. She NEVER remembers it in the morning apart from occasionally to 'discuss' it with me!

nikcola Wed 09-Mar-05 21:44:08

shes 3

ZoeB Wed 09-Mar-05 21:46:58

Jampots - goggles good idea !!! would have never of thought of that

Earlybird Wed 09-Mar-05 22:10:04

nickola - what if you took a bath with her, and washed her hair while you held her in your lap, or between your legs?

I also agree with whoever suggested that you shield her eyes to prevent water going into them. DD hates that, and is much happier having her hair washed when I don't get water into her eyes.

I completely agree that it is hard to be patient when they're making a huge fuss over something that should be simple and easy....especially when it's something that is absolutely necessary - like a periodic hair wash!

zippy539 Wed 09-Mar-05 22:28:10

First off - don't feel bad. You're her Mum - you HAVE to wash her hair - it's your job! I read something somewhere that said your role as a parent isn't to give children what they 'want' but what they 'need' - but I know it's hard when you feel like your dd was terrified.

Having said that I totally sympathise - ds (3.6) has always hated having his hair washed. The only way I can do it without complete hysteria is to get him involved in a conversation with 'Mr Light' (ie the ceiling light in the bathroom). I put on a silly 'Mr Light' voice and DS looks up to chat to the light while I wet his hair and rinse it. Mr Light likes to ask DS about what other lights he's seen out and about during the week - and Mr Light says 'ooh yes - that light in the loos at nursery is my cousin and he's got a very stinky bottom etc'. The ruder and dafter the conversation the better. Works for us!

jampots Thu 10-Mar-05 00:05:52

i also used to tell mine that water cant run uphill so if they choose to put their head down then water would run down their face but if their face was facing up the water isnt going to get to it.

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