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Had DS a week ago and feel shell shocked at coping with 2 children... anyone else feel like this?

(30 Posts)
milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo Sat 25-Oct-08 17:13:15

Can't stop crying and feel utterly exhausted Please tell me I'll adjust soon.

thesockmonsterofdoom Sat 25-Oct-08 17:15:23

it does get better, I remember it being so overwhelming at first but it really does get better. Do you have friends and family around, call in as many favours as you can, ask for help, at the end of the day if the dc are fed then you have done your job. 1 week is very soon after birth to expect to be in control. be kind to yourself.

needmorecoffee Sat 25-Oct-08 17:16:13

it does get easier. You sound like you got a touch of the baby blues. Take things easy and only do essentials.

MamaG Sat 25-Oct-08 17:17:08

Its a big thing to go from 1 to 2. Agree 1 week is very soon to be in control. Also agree with having more help - I'd be happy to help if someone in my family said "I'm struggling a bit", nobody will think any less of you

Ewe Sat 25-Oct-08 17:17:56

It will get better soon! The first days of having a baby are exhausting even if you don't have other children.

You aren't getting to sleep when your baby sleeps etc, you must be worrying about spending time with your older child so they don't feel rejected etc. A whole heap of additional concerns that nobody needs with a new baby!

Like everything though, this stage will pass, ask for as much help as possible!

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe Sat 25-Oct-08 17:19:40

Don't bath the kids as often as you did when you had the one.
Delegate dishes etc to people coming in to nose at the baby.
Have you anyone to take bags of washing away and return them clean?
Is there a DP about to muck in too?
The only time my house ever got tidied when my babys were small was when the HV was coming.

mazzystartled Sat 25-Oct-08 17:21:15

oh i promise it will get easier
don't expect too much of yourself for a bit
we had a few months of whatever-it-takes-to get-through-the-day parenting, then it all settled down nicely
be sure to ask for help wherever you can get it

filthymindedSixSixSixen Sat 25-Oct-08 17:22:06

a week ago? ye gods, everything is still healing and raw and hormones sloshing around. Have a good bawl and delegate,, delegate, delegate!
How old is your other child?

nowwearefour Sat 25-Oct-08 17:26:01

goodness me. at one week old only you are just bound to be overwhelmed. i certainly was. it WILL WILL WILL get easier. dc1 needs to get used to being the oldest, not the only. you need to get used to meeting the needs of more than 1. it is hard. but it DOES get easier. promise. you WILL find your own way of doing things. congratulations on the birth of your new little person!

sweetkitty Sat 25-Oct-08 17:29:23

Oh yes remember it well, remember sobbing the night before DP went back to work after paternity leave thinking how am I going to cope?

Very early days you are still very hormonal, as everyone says you will cope it will get easier you get into a routine and do what needs to get done, also ditto whoever says don't bath every day too.

Can't have been that bad for me I now have 3 shock

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo Sat 25-Oct-08 17:31:57

DD is 2.8mths and has a streaming cold so v clingy, DH had a 24hr stomach bug yesterday so that didn't help either. DS is fine during the day but very unsettled at night.

Had panic attacks today I feel so tired

heather1980 Sat 25-Oct-08 17:33:26

i feel the same, my new DS is 9 days old and i feel like i'm going mad!! i've forgotten how bad the sleeplessness is, but to cope with a 2 year old is sheer hell, i still have DH at home atm BUT he is doing my head in as well, all my routines are shot to hell and i feel that i can't sit down and relax even though i know i should.
it's my DDs 2nd birthday on monday and my dh wants us to take her to a soft play centre. erm....i've just had a baby, am full of stitches and and bleeding like mad. i don't think so!!

sweetkitty Sat 25-Oct-08 17:37:50

I had DD3 3 months ago and am still a bit shell shocked, DD1 was 4 5 days after DD3 was born (DD2 was 2 1/2). We went for a half day out with lunch for her birthday I was anaemic and feeling rough, DD3 had jaundice it was horrible.

heather - let your DH take DD to the soft play you use the time to sleep and relax, promise your DD you will all go out another time she's 2 she won't remember anyway.

You just kind of muddle through, do the basics what needs to be done sod everything else.

milf - get to bed and rest!

filthymindedSixSixSixen Sat 25-Oct-08 17:39:03

I remember walking into my house with newborn ds2 and ds1 flung himself at me (same age as yours) and wrapped round my legs, ds2 started crying, and my mother who was looking after things while I was in hospital started on at me because she hadn't been able to find clothes pegs or something and telling me my house needed a good clean.

I burst into tears and ran back out of the house blush

It does get easier, even fun! I promiuse.

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo Sat 25-Oct-08 20:13:43

Hugs to you Heather, was your baby born on the 16th if so he shares a birthday with my new DS smile

Thanks for the sympathy, just surprised that i have found it so hard bearing in mind I have a child already. Dreading DH going back to work on Thursday and having to cope on my own sad

Dttoydto Sat 25-Oct-08 20:19:28

going from 1 to 2 is an effing nightmare. Awful - you've got guilt to add to the exhaustion and people expect you to be in a fit state to look after the first one.

Just skip as many things as you can - none of this baths every day and cotton wool dipped in cooled boiled water for cleaning bottoms hmm . Well, that's how I managed anyway - cut corners wherever possible and farmed out both ds's whenever I could (in a loving way, obviously..! grin)

Dottoressa Sat 25-Oct-08 20:22:25

It gets better!!!

The first time DH left me with both DCs (then aged 2 weeks and just two), I was petrified. My main worries (apart from being post-c-section and therefore unable to do much) were: what if they both cry at the same time? And what if DS needs the potty while I'm feeding DD?

It really will get easier. Honestly!

Dttoydto Sat 25-Oct-08 20:23:16

ooh yes - soft play places became a haven. ds1 went off to play - he was 28 months when ds2 was born - and I grabbed a coffee/breastfed/talked to my friends. Went once a week through my maternity leave and it kept me relatively sane.

Ds2 was in his own room from 2 weeks old as well - he snored so loudly I wasn't getting any sleep and thought it would be better for all of us if I didn't go bonkers due to sleep deprivation.

Oh yes and I ran away too - handed ds2 over to dp when he was about 4 weeks old and made it to about 2 roads away before I realised I hadn't got any money and was hungry 'cos it was lunchtime! I sat on a bench for about half an hour in the sun and felt tons better just for escaping (or trying to!).

Whatever helps, do it. Try not to feel too guilty and try to look after yourself.

CantSleepWontSleep Sat 25-Oct-08 20:34:12

Awwww milf - come and join us on the postnatal thread and share your woes. I also have a dd who is 2.8 plus 2 week old ds, but haven't been abandoned by dh yet (he normally works abroad) so the worst is yet to come for me!

Congratulations on the birth of ds .

nooOOOoonki Sat 25-Oct-08 20:38:43

I promise on all the chocolate in my house that it gets easier!

I was shocked at the change, completely normal to struggle

Have you got anyone who can help with DS1 for a bit - maybe a friend who could have him for a day so you can sleep.

Make sure you rest up whenever you can. Let things go for a few weeks,

Go to bed really early for a few weeks, it pays dividends.

Don't try and do too much,

Have you had panic attacks before? - I am a bit of an expert if you want any advice,

also keep talking to HV/DP etc about feeling down, may be blues but may be PND so keep talking, makes it much better.

It does get much easier.
I struggled loads with DS2 in someways more than DS1 (took me longer to bond - v normal apparently in second ones) but now it is easy (ish)!!! take care xxx

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo Sat 25-Oct-08 21:14:10

Oh and that is the other thing second time round no-one offers to help because apparently you know what you are doing hmm These tips for survival are great, am already bunging them in the bath together (with me, saves water and time!) plus poor DD is living on sandwiches and soup.

I have had both panic attacks and depression before so if it gets worse I will head to the GP. I was quite hormonal after DD was born and it settled within a couple of weeks so hoping for the same thing.

I also feel shell shocked by the birtyh too which was 2.5hrs long, DD took 28hrs to arrive. So I was not expecting it to be so quick. More body feels like it has been through the mill and it is taking longer to bounce back this time.

CBeebies is becoming my best friend.

eekamoose Sat 25-Oct-08 21:39:33

Oh Milf I have every sympathy! What a lot you've got on your plate.

I had a DD of 2.8 when I had my DS. The first day after DH went back to work, I remember proudly boasting to my friend on the phone "I gave DD cheese on toast for her dinner tonight. But it was wholemeal bread and she had cherry tomatoes with it!". I was so proud of managing to produce that meal on my own with a baby attached to me in a sling!

Ever since DS's arrival we have muddled along. Life changes forever (again) when you have another child and of course it will never be the same as when you just had DD to attend to, but then nor should it.

Standards can drop a little. Something you might have washed before can be worn again, sheets are changed less often, etc etc.

Now mine are 7 and 5 and little DS has just started school and I am very happy and beginning to feel a bit more in control of domestic matters. Hope that doesn't scare you?!?!?!?!? smile.

Kbear Sat 25-Oct-08 21:45:45

Perfectly normal, a few weeks down the line you'll be holding the baby, playing playdough with the other one and cooking dinner at the same time!!

For now, rest where you can, look after yourself and the children, accept any help offered and if none is offered do the bare minimum housework, simple meals, early nights, relax and you will be enjoying it before you know it.

It is so hard in the beginning we all know that and you also know it gets easier! so cry if you feel like it, you will feel better afterwards, then wash your face, hug your kids and don't worry about being on top of things, it can all wait.

nooOOOoonki Sat 25-Oct-08 21:49:55

Ask for help! most people are pleased to help if they can, my friends all did (we have no family nearby)think of anyone that said they would and take them up on it now

I would be chuffed if a friend asked me.

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:52:09

I still struggle! Mine are 8 & 5 years now. shock

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