Damn - DH has thrown me a curveball and I need MN experience on second children and SPD!

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

First, I'll give you a bit of history - promise I'll make it quick.

I had two miscarriages prior to DD being born and had a somewhat difficult pregnancy with her, culminating in an elective CS.

Basically, I bled at four weeks (thought it was a period ), bled at 15 weeks, no movement/regular BHs and bleeding at 26ish weeks which ended up with me on delivery for four hours. I was then diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I had horrific morning sickness for the first five months (vomitting half a dozen times a day and constant nausea). The MS eased off and I had three - yes THREE days - of nice pregnancy, then SPD struck fast and hard. Within a couple of weeks I was on crutches and for the last five weeks of my pregnancy I was in a wheelchair.

DD was born in May 2006, via elective CS at 38 weeks (there were shoulder distocia concerns, along with the elephantine baby they predicted and the fact I physically couldn't have carried her any longer) and I handed my crutches back to my physio in February/March 2007. I still have twinges and aches every month now.

The physio recommended that I didn't have another baby, as the likelihood is that the SPD will be earlier and worse. I do know that it may not happen again but the fact that I still suffer a bit with it now makes me think it will.

We initially said, never again, but over the past months we've both started saying, "Well, when DD is at school and can understand a little more".

Here's the curveball DH has just thrown me. DD is 2.5 and a couple of nights ago he said, "Well, how do you think DD would cope if we had another baby now?" She adores babies and would LOVE it, but I don't know if it'd be fair on her now. How do you explain to a two or three year old that they can't sit on Mummy's lap because it hurts too much. DH thinks that she'd cope better now than when older but I don't know. And how would I cope if it is as bad or worse than last time?

I'd got my head around waiting - even though I'm mega-broody - BUT now I just don't know.

Help please!

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

I mean, I physically couldn't push DD's pram down our road until she was eight months old because it's on a hill. How the hell would I manage that with a toddler in tow too?

[cupchar]

Do you have family/friends who could help & talk to your doc about how preg would effect you

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

My MIL doesn't work Thursdays and I'm sure would help with DD that day, plus DH would be home at weekends and to put DD to bed on evenings. TBH I don't like to impose of friends and family too much - I think I may have to swallow my pride whenever we do have another though.

[kitbit]

Why not have a chat with the doctor too see how you are now and whether their opinion has changed? Maybe that might affect your decision.
Good luck whatever you deicde!

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

Yeah - you are aboth right. I need to see my lovely doctor for a meds review in a month or two anyway. I'll have a chat then.

[MrsMattie]

Hi there.

I really feel for you.

You need some proper advice and support from a senior or specialist women's physio.

I had SPD from about 26 weeks with my first pregnancy. I spent the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy completely unable to walk and also ended up with an elective c-section and rather slow recovery afterwards. That was 3.5 years ago.

I'm now 35 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby. This time the SPD kicked in earlier - at 16 weeks - and I was referred urgently to a women's physio. I have been seeing her every 2-3 weeks throughout my pregnancy and although there have been no miracles (I still have SPD and there are still some very tough days) it has not progressed as quickly as I feared and is not worse than it was last time (so far - touch wood!). In fact, it is better than it was at this stage last time.

Every woman is different, but I have found that by being monitored regularly by the physio so that she can follow my progress and give me relevant advice at each appointment, I am actually more mobile and in less pain than I was last time.

I have also been much more realistic about what I can and can't do this time around and tried to get the extra help I need where possible. I'm lucky in that my mum lives nearby and my DH is very supportive, but even without that (much valued!) help, I am really sticking to the advice from the physio - keeping active, but absolutely NOT overdoing it (last time I was doing marathon shopping trips despite the excruciating pain - very silly!).

Do not despair. With the right advice and support, it doesn't have to be a complete nightmare.

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

Thanks MrsMattie and congratulations on your imminent arrival.

If you don't mind, can I ask how this has affected your little one?

I'm very concious that I won't be able to lift DD etc. Last time, by the end it was too painful even for the cat to jump on my lap, let alone a toddler. I really don't want DD to feel unloved or for her to miss out in anyway due to my health.

All that being said though, last time I was working and this time I will be a SAHM, so at least I won't be having to drive to the office this time. If DD is at nursery for her 15 hours/week, that'll give me time to put my feet up and rest a little each day.

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

I must say whilst pregnant my physio was pretty useless last time and just kept telling me that other than pelvic floor exercises there was nothing much she could do. When I asked about sex at one point, she got very uncomfortable, rather than being able to advise me.

[MrsMattie]

It hasn't affected my DS massively. I do feel a bit sad when he says things like 'Mummy can't pick me up', 'Mummy can't run', 'Mummy has a bad back', 'Can't sit on mummy's knee' etc (parroting what I have been saying)...makes me feel a bit useless. Plus I can't do trips to the park at the moment, so I'm definitely an 'indoor mum' and trying to think up activities we can do together that don't involve me moving much . It's been OK, though. Kids are adaptable! And we have been really hot on talking about the baby and getting DS to help us prepare things for his/her arrival, so actually I think Ds is very excited and not feeling unloved at all

I found my physio completely useless last time round, too. It was all too little too late and was just crisis management, really. This time, because I was referred so early, the exercises they gave me have helped (it helped that I actually did them religiously, too ). I had little faith at first, but I definitely feel that my whole 'pelvic girdle' area is stronger. The physio has also helped me find my own personal 'triggers' - things that make it a little bit better or a little bit worse - and I have got into a sort of pattern of knowing just how much I can do without exacerbating it too much. There are some things that haven't helped - ice packs & the support belt have been useless for me - but on the whole the physio has been a positive experience.

Another thing worth mentioning - I put on a lot of worth in my last pregnancy. I haven't put on nearly as much this time, and I do think that has helped a bit. Don't know if that's relevant to you.

Good luck!

[MrsMattie]

a lot of 'wroth'? Sorry, weight!

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

Thanks. It's good to know that it hasn't affected your DS too much. As I said before, that is my main concern with DD; although she is pretty good and will rub my back and hips if I say they are sore now - bless her.

Due to the morning sickness I didn't put on much weight at all last time, in fact initially I lost a decent amount.

I'm sat here with a grin on my face, realising that it could be possible. I think that I'd like to take six months to lose a little weight and get a little fitter to put me in the best possible position for pregnancy. In the meantime I will talk to my GP.

Hmm - definitely food for thought MrsM. thank you.

[kitkat9]

I'm about to have dc3 and in dreadful pain with SPD, so bad that I could cry at the drop of a hat. It is very challenging looking after dd (20 months) and ds (4.8) but it is not impossible.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I didn't have SPD in my 1st pg, but with dd it was excrutiating, and I ended up having acupuncture which was AMAZING - worked a treat.

You have to consider how living with the pain will affect you mentally - I have terrible, miserable days where I wish I wasn't pg, where all I can think about is getting this baby out of me and my mood is so awful that my whole family suffers my wrath...dh is fairly understanding but doesn't understand how much pain I'm truly in, I think he thinks I'm exaggerating half the time. Your dd will be fine, she's old enough to understand if you're too sore to pick her up, and she doesn't need to si on your lap - she can cuddle up beside you instead!

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

Kitkat - I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I really feel your pain.

Mentally coping - ah, I'm trying to ignore that aspect, as I'm in the process of weaning off a high dose of Prozac at the moment, which I've been on since DD's birth. That being said, I'm having some amazing councelling and my name is down for CBT, so I'll be going in armed.

[hannahsaunt]

I had SPD with ds2 but not with ds3...

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

Hannahsaunt.

[kitkat9]

you see, I think that being able to cope mentally is a consideration you have to realise - the only way I am getting through this is by constantly reminding myself that this too shall pass! And that seems so hard at times. However, I will say that some days are better than others, yesterday I wasn't too sore, but today I'm in agony.

I'm praying that once this baby is born, the SPD shall become a dim and distant memory, like it did when dd was born. And I swore blind that I wouldn't EVER get pg again after suffering last time! But here I am, and finally on the home stretch - I'm 31w today.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, if you want to have more children, don't let SPD decide whether or not you will - just bear in mind that pregnancy doesn't last forever, and there are a few (limited) things you can do to help manage the pain if you do get SPD again. I highly recommend acupucture - the only thing that worked for me. I mean, genuinely worked - it took away the pain almost totally and made me feel like a different person, physically and mentally! Also, your gp can prescribe strong painkillers if you need them - co-codamol and co-drydamol, if I remember correctly.

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

Thank you kitkat - sound advice. I hope that you are not feeing too bad today.

[LilRedWGoreandguts]

DH and I have had a chat and I'm going to spend the next six months getting myself sorted - emotionally and physically and then we may well bite the bullet.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone.