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How to stop the fighting at school?

(6 Posts)
MrsSnape Tue 21-Oct-08 22:40:20

DS2 is quite a 'boistrous' child to put it lightly and unfortunately there is a large group of boys in his class who are the same.

Ever since year 1 they have spent their playtimes playfighting and being really rough. I've never liked it, especially as DS seems to get 90% of the blame for it (simply because he'll stand there and say "yes, it was me, I was fighting!") whilst the others will happily stand there and say "it was all Daniel miss, he was fighting" hmm

Anyway its been going on and on since year 1, he's now in year 3 and a couple of times this term he's come home quite upset saying he's being hurt, someone has "booted" him or he's been "kicked in" by a group. Today he was really upset and close to tears. I'm sick of it but I know if I complain to school it's going to seem like "oh yes, MrsSnape didn't seem to care when it was Daniel doing all the fighting but now HE'S been hurt, she wants it stopped" etc etc

I've never liked it. Everytime I mention it to the teacher DS gets the blame. How do I handle it and get it stopped?

saffiw Wed 22-Oct-08 00:19:33

If I was you, I would complain, and then keep your ds 'sick' for a week, the other kids will then be seen for what they are ... 'boistrous'

oops Wed 22-Oct-08 00:24:46

Message withdrawn

ightytiddlietighty Wed 22-Oct-08 00:36:51

Talk to his teacher and stress how serious you feel this situation is - if you get no joy take it to the top and book an interview with the Head.

stealthsquiggle Wed 22-Oct-08 00:42:57

DS's class went through phases like this.

Teacher came down hard on it and sat them all (whole class) down to discuss what was unacceptable behaviour.

I am not saying it has gone away completely, but it is much better. The school need to take it seriously, and should do as long as you make it clear that you do understand that your DS is not entirely innocent...

cory Wed 22-Oct-08 09:54:01

The school needs to come down on the whole lot of them like a ton of bricks. And all parents need to be supportive of it (which may be hoping for a lot from some of them,sadly). I would go in and speak to the teacher.

We have been very fortunate in having schools that are extremely strict about fighting- anyone who does it automatically loses their break, there have been suspensions (junior school) and it seems to be accepted by everybody.

You may need to rephrase how you think about it to yourself though. You say "I don't like it, particularly as Daniel gets 90% of the blame". That sort of implies that it's not him fighting that you mind as such- if only he got a fairer share of the blame. I know it was probably just a matter of phrasing, but it can be a slippery slope. You're never going to stop fighting at school until all the parents think (and let their children know) it's the fighting itself that's the main problem.

That ought to be "I don't like it because fighting is bad and I don't care what the other children do- if you ever fight I shall be very upset about it".

You will get more out of the teacher if you don't give her any reason to suspect that it's a case of "my child is boisterous, their children are bullies". And you do need to get the teacher's help. Your ds is upset and frightened- this needs to be stopped.

You also need to talk to your son. Make it quite clear to him that this is how some of the other children will have felt when he was fighting or playfighting (highly unlikely that there wasn't another child who felt exactly the same). Explain that you will do everything you can to help him, but you expect him to remember what it feels like to be at the receiving end. Tell him that you will try to get the teacher to stop all fighting and that everybody is going to have to accept that.

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