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Remind me when does life get back to 'normal' with the addition of a new baby ?

(15 Posts)
BabiesEverywhere Tue 21-Oct-08 19:02:03

I can't remember with my first (DD currently 2 years old) when life got back to a normal keel. Well as normal as life can be once you become a parent !!!

DC2 (DS) is now 2 months old, I am still contantly tired, playing catchup with the house (and losing). I have a pile of house paperwork, next to a half written essay, in a house which needs some serious TLC.

If I manage to complete one outing with both kids in tow, I feel shattered. Not helped by the fact that DD is not napping every day and gets very tired and cross midafternoon.

I worry that baby DS doesn't get anywhere near the attention that DD did. Although we still co-sleep, breastfeed on demand and baby wear (carry in a sling) with DS, he spends a lot of time being dragged to activities for DD or mundane shopping trips etc..nothing just for him (though he seems to like the music groups)

With DD I just used a sling and later walked with her, we rarely used a buggy. However I am struggling to run after and interact with DD out of the house, whilst wearing DS and so sadly I am buying a double buggy, for safety and sanity reasons. But I worry this will give DS even less time with me as he'll be slung less and be in a buggy more. That and I am selling 90% of my sling collection to pay for the double buggy.

That said both children seem happy enough, As I type this. DS is gurgling to me on my knee after his milk feed and the frequent nursing requests from both kids, means that I have plenty of time to be on Mumsnet whilst NAKing.

I am very lucky, DS is very content and smiley baby and I am very proud of how DD interacts with her little brother.
In fact I was told today that DD was a very bright and affectionate child...bless.

Please reassure me that this is normal for second children to have less attention, activities etc and when will I get more energy and more back to normal !?! (If anyone says 18 years, I will slap them wink)

fullmOOOOOWHOOOOOnfiend Tue 21-Oct-08 19:02:56

I believe one can expect normality at around 30 these days....

<<bends over for a slap>>

BabiesEverywhere Tue 21-Oct-08 19:03:39


fullmOOOOOWHOOOOOnfiend Tue 21-Oct-08 19:04:22

can you look at a buggy board instead of a double buggy? Or is 2 still bit young?
(my ds1 was almost 3 when ds2 came along - and that was 8 years ago, so I'm a bit rusty....)

BabiesEverywhere Tue 21-Oct-08 19:06:42

I do have a buggy board but the moment I get the buggy out, DD insists on riding and if very tired will tandrum to use the buggy. I hope the buggy board will be more useful next year when she is a little bit older and more use to her sibling using 'her' pram.

BabiesEverywhere Tue 21-Oct-08 19:08:48

TBH even if DD used a buggy board, my issue remains the same that DS will be in a buggy a lot more than I expected and not being carried as much as I would like.

SnoopDog Tue 21-Oct-08 19:18:35

first time mum question [ignore ignorance emotion]

why is being carried preferable to being buggied?

i have 2 slings but dd looks uncomfy in them so is buggied everywhere at the moment,

are there benifits to carrying?

Bluebutterfly Tue 21-Oct-08 19:18:43

It sounds to me like you are placing a little bit too much pressure on yourself! It sounds like your children are both happy and bear in mind that your ds has something that your dd did not have - a sibling to watch for entertainment!

No matter what, placement in families will have an affect on children, whether they are the 1st, 2nd or 3rd etc. That is not necessarily a negative thing. Each position has its benefits and its drawbacks. Your ds does not know any differently - so he has not lost anything! Of course making time for him is important, but I don't think that at 2 months the fact that you don't do any formal activities for him is detrimental. He just wants to be with you and to see your face(in a sling or a buggy, or on your lap).

Try not to worry too much about the laundry and the hoysework, do what you can, but don't feel guilty if you just sit and cuddle your baby and/or toddler instead!

It sounds like you have a happy family and you need to relax and trust that your instincts are guiding you in the right direction.

Bluebutterfly Tue 21-Oct-08 19:22:28

Snoop - there is a theory that babies who are carried (as they are in many non-western cultures) benefit from aiding the bonding process. It is seen as a component of attachment parenting:

This explains better than I can@

Baby wearing here

Thankyouandgoodnight Tue 21-Oct-08 21:02:57

Hiya - I'm in the same position as you with two at the same age gap (19 months) and an older DD and younger DS. I have a double buggy and a sling which I use intermittently. Short trips, we walk and sling and longer trips we buggy with the sling stuck on it somewhere just incase.

I think it all depends on the quality of sleep you're getting at night (NB I use the word quality, not quantity!!). Boys seem to be more wakeful at night - mine's up every 1-3 hours, usually 2 hourly.

My saving grace I think is DD being at nursery for 3 short days a week so I can catch up with a day snooze and also spend one to one time with DS.

Now then - I do remember reading somewhere that babies are actually much happier having intermittent quality time but being caught up in the buzz ad energy of your life - i.e. you carry on doing stuff but involve them in it - e.g. get him to watch you fold washing, wash up, while you're on the phone etc. They sleep so much at this age that I think we feel as if we should be doing something fabulous for them while they're awake but actually I really do think they're happy with company and then some one to one time but lots of watching and 'being' with you. Our DS is known as the family voyeur!! Just my opinion so feel free to discard!

Tryharder Tue 21-Oct-08 22:33:36

Hi Babieseverywhere!

I felt exactly the same as you when my DS2 was born. In a funny sort of way, I almost resented him as he was upsetting our routine with DS1 - sorry if that sounds weird! I can remember that things just felt out of sorts for a while.

DS2 is nearly 5 months old now and things are much, much settled - it feels like he's always been with us. I also feel that DS2 just tends to tag along with us and misses out on the things that i used to do with DS1 - singing to CDs, playing with him etc. BUT - and this is a big but - DS2 benefits from being my second child - I am a much more relaxed parent than I was with DS1 and as a result is a much easier baby.

My advice is don't worry - your Ds is still very new and you have not yet settled down into your routine. It will happen and very soon!

hunkermunker Tue 21-Oct-08 22:38:22

It will go back to a different normal. You're on the way there.

I used to take DS1 (21mo when DS2 was born) in the buggy and DS2 in the sling, but DS1 was always pretty content in the buggy.

Could you try her on the buggy board, put a sling under the pushchair and if she tantrums to go in the buggy, stick DS in the sling and hoick the buggy board up?

hunkermunker Tue 21-Oct-08 22:40:16

I also had a double buggy that I used fairly often. I used to keep them both in the boot of the car and pick whichever one suited my level of tired that day!

BabiesEverywhere Wed 22-Oct-08 08:29:33

'Level of tired' is right. Some days I am happy to walk DD or pram her whilst carring DS, some days I am just too tired.

Yes, DS is a much easier baby than DD was, I was wondering if it was more relaxed attitude as a second time mum or if he had a different personality.

So the conclusion is...that it will take a bit more time to settle into normality again but DS will be fine with less attention than DD got. grin


BabiesEverywhere Sun 26-Oct-08 09:49:10

Oh, I have had the double pram for a couple of days and I love it.

So much easier, to get out of the house with both children. It is a Phil and Teds Vibe (borrowed from peter to pay paul in order to buy this pram, which we are going to be mainly financing by selling many slings and a pram, watch for them on the sale board shortly)

DS is in the lying down baby bit and DD in the toddler front seat and she loves the new pram as it has red seats, her favourite colour.

I went out with my parents and the kids yesterday and whilst my mum was chatting to my DD in the front seat, I surprised several passing women, by bending over to pick up DS from the back underseat, they weren't expecting another child from the pram !!!

It can turn practically on the spot, easy to push even with both children in it. Tricky to fold but I can do it. All in all, I am very pleased with it. grin

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