OMG, is this what life is going to be like?

[Flossam]

My friend has been here with her one year old. Naive I know but I can't believe how manic he is. He isn't ever told 'no', even when he is trying to pull the disc tray off of our xbox. He is allowed to pull out all of our cds and scatter them around the room, DP, tidy obsessive, tidied them back away, and she watched him do it again. This, obviously is only a couple of examples. I don't want to be a overly strict mum, but is this normal, and would not saying 'no' make life a little safer etc? Please tell me me and DS will be ok!!

[anchovies]

To be honest I dont really say no to my DS (13 months) very often. I accept that he trashes the place in terms of unloading cds and the bookshelves. When he's doing something naughty I tend to move him away and distract him as "no" tends to have the opposite effect and mean that he will do whatever the naughty thing is over and over again! Am surprised she let him at the xbox though.

[thedogmother]

Flossam, I think the point is that you will make your own house child-friendly and move things that you don't want to be wrecked etc.

I personally would not have let my kids do this when they were toddlers but would probably have moved the items out of the way first, even at someone elses' house.

What you do with your child will be what you think is best, perhaps next time move these things out of the way! Otherwise your dp will have a nervous breakdown!

[mummytosteven]

I would let DS (1 year tomorrow) pull all our own CDs out (as there's far worse things he could be doing!!!) but would never dream of being so cavalier with other people's possessions. I would never have let my DS scatter anyone elses books/CDs etc.

saying no by itself won't work very well especially at the younger side of one - agree with anchovies that distracting/moving is likely to work better.

[jampots]

OMG MTS - we have kids birthdays on the same day too!!!!

[Flossam]

That's what I'm worried about TDM!! Am definately thinking in terms of plug socket protectors, safety gates and cupboard locks now!! (and some spare ones in case they break!) Just found how hectic it will all be quite frightening really.

[thedogmother]

When you due Flossam?

Mine are 11 and 9 now! past all that.

[mummytosteven]

it's a strange parallel universe, jampots! it might be reassuring that it's not just with you - apparently I look very spookily like another MNetter!

[honeyflower]

Yes, this is normal, yes this is what your kid will be like. You can say 'no' a million billion times a day to a kid that age, and if you do you will both end up feeling very cross! As thedogmother says, when your child is doing all this stuff you'll organise your house in a way that works for a toddler, so you won't have to do so much policing/feeling stressed.

Lucky you to have a tidy dp, hope you put him to good use!

[jampots]

phew i thought you were trying to BE me

[acnebride]

I wouldn't allow this - our CDs are out of the way, and in another person's house I would ask for boxes or cushions to keep him away from them, or ask to go somewhere else. I have to say tho that I don't spend much time in non-childfriendly houses atm. I wouldn't have let DS (14 months) near your X-box - would have distracted him initially to avoid the N word, but if he kept going back to it I would say No eventually and I think it's pretty effective if you keep it for stuff you really mean. But I would find it pretty exhausting to try to chat while this was all happening so TBH I would prefer to meet you at my house!!

Don't panic too much about babyproofing - it doesn't all happen at once and I would say that you can do things in stages and put things out of the way as they become annoying/dangers.

[KoalaBear]

my ds is 11 months, and i do say no - don't see much wrong with teaching him to respect other people's possessions - i did this because whilst our place is child-friendly, sometimes other peoples houses are not - it takes a while, but in the end, he knows what he is not allowed to touch - of course, we still move anything dangerous/precious out of the way because they are curious little critters and want to explore

[jampots]

wouldnt allow my children to do this in others' houses and am horrified every time my friends' kids come and do similar

[vess]

Yes, you do need to put things like that out of the way - so much easier and less stressful than constantly having to say no and distract, because the more you say it, the more attractive the thing becomes.
Personally, when I'm with other people and ds, I tend to avoid having arguments and saying no when I know it will lead to a tantrum, crying, shouting, etc - just trying to keep the peace really, which sometimes leaves some of my childless friends with the impression that I'm spoiling him. Your friend probably just wanted to have some normal adult conversation for 5-10 minutes! Very hard thing when you have a one year old with you (you'll see!).

[Niddlynono]

DH and I are pretty laid back parents and I think it's because of this that DS is laid back himself. Sure, he's inquisitive and loves to explore but if he's about to do something like empty CD shelves at a friend's house I'll just distract him. Simple as that. I also make sure I've got a couple of his favourite toys and snacks with me and sometimes take a video/DVD as back-up.

You don't have to be a strict parent in order to have well-behaved children. People always comment on how happy and well-behaved DS is, although of course he has his moments like any other child.
Don't let your friend's child put you off.

[WestCountryLass]

Me too Jampots, my neice and nephew are serial offenders and my house is a bomb site when they've left. They go through my drawers, shove stuff in my video player, pullall my books off the shelves and generally trash my house while my SIL/BIL shout 'no' and 'stop' but never actually get up and DO anything!!!!

[bubbly1973]

i suppose my house isnt child friendly, we just moved about 7mths ago, and everything is new, but we did buy a leather suite rather than a material as its easier to clean, but apart from that, our tele is LCD so you cant just clean it like a normal glass screen tele, we have ornaments (not many as we dont like clutter) and we have our cd's stacked on a stand....

ds is 2.8 and he knows that he isnt allowed to touch the tele, ornaments arent to play with, and cd's are mammy and daddys!!!

some of you may think i sound like a bad mother who says no all the time...well i dont have to say no anymore as he knows damn well what the boundaries are

during the day my living room is not tidy, my son has all his toys out, i dont care, he is in his house having fun with his toys, which can be cleared up

when we go to other peoples houses, my son has never gone to touch anything, its almost as if he knows that he is not allowed

westcountrylass, bloody annoying when parents dont do anything isnt it!! my sil would let her kids run riot in my house, and i absolutely hated it, no respect for my things what so ever! thats why i wouldnt dream of allowing my ds to do that in someone elses house

flossam, you may find that you relax more about your stuff once you have your own baby

everybody is different, my ds is a very happy child and im very proud of him when he goes to other peoples houses as he treats there property with the respect it deserves!

i will probably get lynched by some mumsnetters but its just the way i am

[AussieSim]

I think it depends on the kiddie. I've never put anything away from my DS now 2 and he just doesn't do that kind of thing. He is a placid little fellow and likes to read a book or do a puzzle or play with his train track. The other mums in my Mum's group are amazed and whenever their kids come over they trash the place which DS and I find quite unsettling. I guess I've just been lucky with this one and the next one will probably be a terror and I will have gates and locks on everything.

[HappyDaddy]

Nowt wrong with that Bubbly. All kids and parents are different. Do what suits you best, I say.

[colditzmum]

I have to have gates and locks on everything. My child is a holy terror when it comes to "investigating"!

Maybe your friend assumed that if you were bothered about your things, you would move them? It is utterly exhausting to say no, no, no, no, no all day, and if you are using the distraction technique, you might as well go home cos you can't talk to anyone else at the same time. Perhaps next time you see your friend it would be better to meet her on neutral territory, 1 year olds can't get up to as much mischief in a pushchair!

[bubbly1973]

hello happy daddy, thanks

aussiesim, you have a good point there, it is a lot to do with how the child is personality wise too.

[WestCountryLass]

Bubbly, we have our stuff out too, anything we were precious about we put away but everything else is out and DS doesn't touch it either and he doesn't touch things at other peoples houses either. He knows not to because we have told him!

[samwifewithkid]

I'm with bubbly on this one! Luckily my dd isn't the sort of child to explore cupboards and pull things out and wreck them, but the thing I can't understand with some people is that if you let them wreck your house and have no respect for your things, then how do you expect them to behave at other peoples houses?

It infuriates me when other peoples children come round and open CDs, they are easily scratched. I have always childproofed our house and purposefully kept things out of reach, but I still have known kids try to reach the things that are "out of reach" climb to get them and almost try to push the boundaries. Boundaries are there for a reason and respect works all round, children should be taught to respect property. When my dd has touched something she shouldn't it is explained and she is told where to draw the line. I am proud that she behaves herself round other peoples houses, and can take her anywhere without fear she will show me up. I am also not afraid to let her know in front of others when she is doing something she shouldn't. (something a lot of parents are scared of doing)

[californiagirl]

My one year old is pretty easy-going, but inquisitive. She would definitely want to pull the disc tray off the xbox and to pull out all of the CDs, but she wouldn't be allowed. I would tell her to leave the CDs on the shelf, and when she didn't, I would swoop her away and distract her with something else. It would be handy if there was an acceptable something else -- I bring toys but new surroundings are always more interesting. So, for instance, at my father's she is allowed to take the magazines off the top of the coffee table and to play with the coasters, which will distract her from all sorts of other unacceptable havoc.

[Flossam]

She was here for a few days with her son. This has been going on since Friday! All of our fruit has bite marks in it, list could go on. I already have DS, he is 4 months, and so far quite a chilled little fellow! I asked her about the saying no thing, she said she didn't want to over use it, that it should only be used for things like biting. To my mind, by letting DS know that he shouldn't touch early on, a lot of problems and stress might be saved! Meet me back in here in a year if I manage to survive to see how it goes!

[bubbly1973]

i think it depends how you follow it through after saying the word 'no'

for eg when ds first went to touch the tele i said no and explained that it was only to be touched by mammy and daddy and that even mammy and daddy didnt actually touch the screen
(tried to keep the words as simple as possible)

i personally dont think it harms them to hear the word 'no'