social gatherings, panicking ds will get lost!!!

[bubbly1973]

this has been playing on my mind ever since i knew my cousin in london was getting engaged

its a big indian gathering and since i dont live in london, when i do go, there is always a fuss made towards my ds who is 2years8mths

i never had a problem before as he was too young, so wanted me, and i always made the excuse that he would play up if i wasnt around...however..

im really really panicking that whilst there at the gathering, one of my well meaning cousin/aunty etc will say they will take ds for a bit

maybe for fresh air, maybe to go and introduce him to friend of the family...

either way i am not sure what to do, what if he gets lost?

what if some other well meaning person says she would like to take my ds, and he gets passed around (my ds would probably love all the attention!!)

bearing in mind, that indians can get quite offended if you say 'no id rather you didnt take him' especially if its an immediate relative

i hope i havent babbled, i cant quite talk to dh about it, he isnt going, cant stand these things, and also rugby on..oh yeh and he has to work!
i know if i express my concerns he would say 'just say no you cant take him'

but is it as easy as that?

if someone came up to me for advice about this concern i would without hesitating say 'tell them no you want him to stay with you, afterall the wellbeing of your child is far more important than worrying if you offend someone'

so why is it that since its me im thinking its harder to do that than to say it

i know im babbling, and im sorry if this post doesnt make much sense, im just not sure if im worrying over something and nothing!

im worrying that if i say to my relatives 'you can have him but make sure no stranger takes him' it almost sounds awful thing to say, its a stranger to me even if its not to the person who got my ds

to wrap it up in a nutshell, i am worried that somewhere along the line if my ds is passed on from one person to another, at some point someone will say 'whose child have i got here' and my ds might be scared ..i think im babbling, i hope you know what im trying to say, if not, well it still feels good to type it all down...thanks for reading this far

what have you done when in this situation?

[jampots]

is it possible you could go with him to introduce him to all the family? I would be worried sick too to be honest and completely understand where you're coming from. Is it you or dh who is Indian?

[bubbly1973]

im indian, dh is white, im so glad that someone understands, i wasnt too sure if i was being silly, as i mentioned it to a few people in mother and toddler group and they laughed, which made me think i was being silly and worrying about nothing, but to be honest the thoughts havent got out of my head...

i avoided my cousins wedding a few months back as i had a good excuse to get out of it,

i have to go, i want to go, but i am just worried, maybe once i go everything will be fine, but what if my nightmare happens!!

[misdee]

how lartge is the gathering going to be? will it be one room or lots of small rooms? is there a way you can keep one eye on your ds as he is seeing lots of new relatives.

mind you at that age when my dd's were at family gatherings they just used to play with their cousins etc in the middle of the hall.

[jampots]

i just wondered if it was dh's side of the family he could deal with it

statistically it shouldnt happen but that doesnt mean it wont. I used to really fret about things like this when mine were little. My sisters wedding was the worst when ds was 3 and dd was 6. DD is sensible but ds was a real livewire. I just made sure he was with either me or dh or my other sister.

Can you line up a few family members who wouldnt be offended and between you all you can keep track of him?

[bubbly1973]

its a registry office in the morning, i can handle that,

but the night doo is a big affair, 500plus people going, usually they are held in a big hall, like a school hall, men usually stand outside chatting, kids running around the hall, lots of things happening, so very hard to keep an eye out on my ds

and on sunday morning theres an engagement, but i think thats a small doo

im half thinking not to go, but i cant dodge family functions forever, and i know my cousins would be really dissapointed,

i should be due on on friday, but should i come on any earlier, then i definitly wont be able to go as i start my treatment, and dh is the only one who can give me the injections,

but if i dont come on by friday i will be going, i know really i need to bite the bullet and get on with it, cant avoide these things forever!!

if you were in my circumstance would you just be firm?

[jampots]

yes bubbly I would - he's your child.

In addition 500 thats a lot of people - cant you just hide?

If its in a hall of some description, why not get a seat by the door then at least you know he wont go out (which was always my worry)

[bubbly1973]

thank you for sticking with me on this one

right i will be firm and not care if i offend anyone, i was thinking that if they want to introduce my ds i will say that id like to meet them as i havent seen them in ages, in that way im always there

i will explain my concerns to my brother and his wife, (im going with them) and tell them to help me keep an eye on him,

failing that...i will hide!

i will let you know how it all went....to top it off, im a smoker, none of my family apart from my brother know and since theres no getting away with it, i will not be able to have a fag so stress levels should reach boiling point by sunday!!

[jampots]

oh no bubbly - maybe you should dose up on ciggies before the wedding

KEEP STRONG he's your little one after all and you're not being over the top

[slug]

Does his outfit have a pocket? Put a photo of you and him (and possibly your dh too) in the pocket, so if anyone finds themselves with him without knowing who he belongs too they will be able to match your face. It's a bit more sublte than a note attached to him saying "I am ds, I belong to bubbly1973, and this is her mobile number ..... "

[catgirl]

at a wedding we attend a while ago, a mother of a three year old tied a balloon to the back of this trousers (on a really really long string) so she could spot him in the crowd - it looked cute too.

[WestCountryLass]

One of my friends had a party for her DS when my DS was about 18 months and there were loads of people there and I was paranoid too. I jsut didn't take my eyes off him and when he went to play with other kids I went with him. I am glad I did as a few people had the doors open on to the street as they were smoking out there and DS tried to escape a number of times as toddlers do. My friends said I should relax as there were plenty of people there looking out for the kids but I couldn't as at the end of the day he was and is my responsibility and if he had wandered of I would have blamed myseld (and rightly so). If I were you I would keep close tabs on him and you might find he does not want to go off with these people as it sounds like a very big do which might be overwhelming for him.

[bubbly1973]

oh s**t slug, that reminds me...i need to get him an outfit, i been so worried about this, that i completly forgot

your suggestions are very helpful, i will be taking a picture, and the balloon suggestion is excellent, i have balloons in my house..(just need to get him an outfit now!!)

westcountrylass, yeh i get the feeling people will be saying to me to relax, but i totally agree, at the end of the day he is my responsibility and i wouldnt forgive myself if anything happened to him


before i had ds i never noticed how people were with there children, but looking back, it always appeared that they were all relaxed and sometimes i would bump into kids as young as 4 running around outside in the playground with no adult supervision (weddings are usually held in a school hall)

it is such a relief to know that you all know where im coming from with my worries about him (dont feel so much like an over protective paranoid mother!)

[bubbly1973]

actually thinking about it, i dont think i will be able to do the balloon thing, id be worried he will strangle himself

[WestCountryLass]

OK, so balloons are out but what about a glow stick or a bad you can pin to him that flashes (thinking cheapy Poundstretcher shop might have one)??

[bubbly1973]

i will take a look when i go into town this week, i need to get him an outfit so will pop into poundstrecher at the time

i was re-reading this thread, and you may be right about it being too overwhelming for him

its the evening doo im more concerned about, but you got me thinking ....if i can keep him up all day, he will be knackered by the evening, and by the time he has overcome his shyness, he will be so tired he may fall asleep in my arms

i hope so

[slug]

Actually, if he hasn't seen most of his relatives since he was born, why not make up a little photo album with pictures of him with you and his daddy from birth till now. The aunties will love it and they'll be in no doubt as to whose child he is.

[bubbly1973]

just a little note to say how it all went.

jampot, did what you suggested, i asked my brother and his wife to help keep an eye on him, my brother understood my concerns and was a big help, ds would only go to him

westcountrylass you were so right, ds did find it over whelming and wouldnt go off, he only wanted me, my brother and my sil

so all in all, the weekend went great, ds was so well behaved, it was a hectic weekend visiting family too, and he was good as gold, had a massive fuss made of him and he lapped that up
im really proud of him

the wedding is in april, im looking forward to it now ...thank you all for your messages

[jampots]

buibbly -

i wondered how you'd got on and thanks for letting us know

Glad you're more relaxed about it now too and v nice to know youve at least got your brother and SIL on side

well done

[WestCountryLass]

Oh I am glad he was suitably overwhelmed!

[TinyGang]

Just caught this thread. Glad it all went well it sounds like a wonderful, big occasion.

Just for info, my friend had a good idea of getting a nice little keyring and engraving it with her last name and a mobile phone no and attaching to her dd's jacket when they're out in case they get separated. I keep meaning to get one done for my children. Only 'lost' one of mine briefly once and it is the most sickening and frightening experience.

[bubbly1973]

tinygang, how did you lose your little one? was it in a social gathering?

good idea about the keyring...i got a spare keyring with a picture of the three of us, forgot about that till you mentioned it

ds loved entertaining all the women, and talking to them and making them laugh, it was sweet to watch...he is such a showoff!! but must admit, very relieved he didnt feel like being picked up by them...they did try to bribe him with sweets, crafty little thing went and got the sweet then came back lol

[pixiefish]

bubble- just caught this and am glad it all went welll for you

[TinyGang]

On holiday last year we stayed on a camp site and in the evenings they had entertainment in a big venue. A show for the children and then live music. We sat at a table by the dance floor and the children kept getting up to dance, but not far from us and could see us.

My dd (5 yrs then) suddenly vanished. I tell you as the time ticked by I was becoming frantic and nearly physically sick with fear. We had security looking, the lot. You just want to scream at everyone to STOP and find her, instead of dancing and laughing.

Eventually (about 15/20 mins) we found her in corner of the room looking at toys and nicknacks they were selling as souvenirs. Me, collapsing with relief and ageing 10 years!

She also ran off at a Bananas in Pyjamas concert when she was 2, but I managed to run after her despite being very sick and pregnant with twins at the time!

Losing them when out and road safety are huge worries to me. I'm always on at them to stay close, hold hands etc. I sound like a sergeant major when I'm out with them! I don't blame you at all for being concerned about your little son. They're so trusting and vulnerable; keep him close

[bubbly1973]

wow tinygang...reading that almost made me feel like i was there reliving it for yoU!! how awful and scared you must have felt...thats exactly how i would be (and i imagine every other mother too)

glad you found her safe and well though!!