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OK, have calmed right down now...how do I handle this?

(22 Posts)
MrsSnape Tue 14-Oct-08 18:49:42

Moving on from my outburst earlier blush I'm stuck with a situation.

DS1 tells me that "the hardest kid in the school" is going to "batter" him tomorow.

Do I:

a) ignore it as it will probably be all talk
b) inform the teachers that if said kid touches DS I WILL take it very, very far and they should make it their priority to prevent it from happening angry
c) Tell DS to avoid fighting....but if he can't, makes sure he comes off better blush this I am tempted with as I'm sure its the only way the idiot kid will learn but obviously its not exactly responsible advice is it.

What should I do?

choufleur Tue 14-Oct-08 18:52:36

I think b is the obvious response. The teachers may not now that 'the hardest kids in school' is behaving like that towards your DS, or that there is a possible problem between the two of them.

TheFallenMadonna Tue 14-Oct-08 18:55:25

Well, perhaps phrasing b somewhat differently might be best. As in "there is a potential problem between ds and hardest kid in the school. Ds has said that he has been threatened with assault. Can you make sure you are aware."

fumf Tue 14-Oct-08 18:56:30

think b might be prudent.

edam Tue 14-Oct-08 18:58:02

b but tell ds if anything does kick off and he can't run away/get hold of an adult fast enough he is allowed to defend himself.

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 14-Oct-08 18:58:58

b)
possibly tell DS that if confronted he should shout (scream) "NO" very loudly, and/or tell said bully he is not going to fight.

MrsSnape Tue 14-Oct-08 18:59:00

Yes, agree B could be worded better but I have had dealings with the school before about bullying and lets just say they're not exactly 'on the ball' with stuff like this.

MrsSnape Tue 14-Oct-08 18:59:38

He's 9 btw, other kid is 11.

umberella Tue 14-Oct-08 19:02:47

B here too. Don't know the background but if you have had experience of the school being too laid back in the past then I would let them know I would pursue the matter in the event of him being 'battered'. Poor ds! Hope he is fine and the 11 yr old is all talk.

PinkTulips Tue 14-Oct-08 19:06:52

b but tell him if a fight is unavoidable to go with c

my mum told me when i was 4 to always hit back if i was hit but never be the first to hit..... no bully ever tried twice with me, they really don't like it when you don't just sit back and take it.

kitbit Tue 14-Oct-08 19:08:06

Tell him that you are bound by good behaviour rules to tell him that he mustn't retaliate however if he is in trouble and shouting or running hasn't helped he can use self defence. I have told ds the same thing, he's 4. Another kid in his class keeps hitting him (and lots of others so it's not personal). We tried shouting NO!!!! as loudly as possible and although it alerts the teachers it doesn't stop him being hit in the first place. So I told him about self defence. I said if X hits him and shouting hasn't stopped it, and **if he is moving in for another go** then ds can hit him back. He understands he is not to hit first but that he is allowed to defend himself. Am fed up with him being clobbered every day and taking a softly softly approach to the other little thug tbh.

shootfromthehip Tue 14-Oct-08 19:10:51

Oh I hate bullies. Tell him to give him a kickin'. grin Am ready and waiting for the gunfire

<<ducks>>

TheCrackFox Tue 14-Oct-08 19:15:53

I would suggest "B" but I would tell my DS that if a fight does happen then to fight dirty and kick him in the nuts. Sometimes it does a bully the world of good to be on the receiving end.

LoveMyGirls Tue 14-Oct-08 19:17:36

My mum taught me never to start a fight but if I got picked on I was allowed to fight back. My mum told me a story where a girl from her school picked on her and in the end she belted her with her school bag and the girl left her alone after that sometimes you have to give a bit back imo.

mamalovesmambo Tue 14-Oct-08 19:20:56

B all the way - little bullying feckers. If anyone touched my child I would knock on their parents door and get them to drag their kid to the door to apologise. It is not acceptable

Littlefish Tue 14-Oct-08 19:21:23

B (but slightly re-worded.

Never C. How on earth does hitting a child back make it ok. Tell him to go straight to an adult as soon as the other child looks like approaching him.

I am shocked at the number of you who think that encouraging your child to hit back is an acceptable idea. Really shocked.

Tortington Tue 14-Oct-08 19:22:10

tell your son that if the other kid touches him - you will prosecute, as they are culpable at age 10

kitbit Tue 14-Oct-08 20:49:21

Littlefish, but most (all?) of us have said only in self defence. If someone attacked you in the street, provided they didn't have a weapon are you saying you wouldn't try and land one on them to defend yourself? Obviously if you had a policeman 10 yards away or a big hairy friend the ideal would be for them to be called over on your behalf, but it isn't always the case.
I am sick of ds coming home saying he's fed up with X hitting him. Everyone in his class is fed up with it but nothing the school is doing seems to be solving it. ds needs to be empowered without turning into an aggressor himself and imvho fighting back in self defence might just make X think about clobbering him in the future. No other bugger is helping him here (I'm not there of course) so he has to help himself. How else can he avoid being the eternal victim in thi situation while everyone else pussyfoots around thug X?

lostittoday Tue 14-Oct-08 21:25:32

I was bullied a bit at school and from my own experience to put one on the bully is what works.
A child can earn respect for doing this as long as its done under the right circumstances, meaning only when a bully is repeatedly tormenting someone and making their lives miserable and all other tactics have failed. it doesn,t make a child a bad person for giving a bully whats for they deserve it in my opinion.

Plonker Tue 14-Oct-08 21:34:35

B and then as a very last resort C

Little fish - if the fight has started despite teachers/authority figures being aware, what else can he do but fight back?

OP - please don't choose A sad

Tortington Wed 15-Oct-08 23:47:01

whathappened in the end?

Peachy Thu 16-Oct-08 00:25:07

hope it went ok

B

ds1 sadly may well be that hardest kid in the school, i'm desperate for him to stop the crap now. thats much more likely if parents complan-. besides your responsibilty is to your child overall.

(he (my ds) isn't a 'bulying little fucker'. he's an sn kid with no empathy and i hate, hate , hate it and would give my legs to stop it immediately but he's still a child. a strctly raised one with consequences, as well. (not suggesting op's bully is sn btw)

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