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I'm quite rubbish at this staying at home thing help me out

(23 Posts)
wonderstuff Mon 13-Oct-08 17:25:15

I work 3 days, and everyone says 'oh long weekend how lovely' But I don't enjoy my two days at home on my own. DD is 11mo, and I find it so hard to get anything done, I am exhausted. Today I have managed to get us both lunch and breakfast, put a cheque in the bank, and play with her, put a load of washing on, and piss about on here, thats it - flat is a tip (not helped by the fact its teeny tiny). I feel like shit. Part of me thinks that going back to work ft would be better, I wouldn't be much better off, and feel awful that I want to look after her less than I do. DH always manages to get house clean when he is in charge. Him working pt isn't an option though. How do you get motivated and get stuff done? Am I awful for thinking I'd rather be at work than home with my beautiful pfb??

toobusytothink Mon 13-Oct-08 17:29:56

Sounds about par for the course to me. A trip to the local park or post office is an "achiever day". Don't beat yourself up. Relax, get down on the floor and play with your DD.

Do you know any other mums you could invite over? It is so much more pleasant to share the day. Alternatively is there a music class or toddler gym you could take her to on your day off. Would make you get out the house, the day goes more quickly and you are likely to enjoy it more.

Def sod cleaning the house though.

acoady Mon 13-Oct-08 17:35:59

Sorry you are finding it tough. We all do sometimes, so don't worry about the housework and stuff.

If it is getting you down, then maybe have a plan for each day to get one job done - get your dd to watch you as you tidy up, crawl around on the floor with her as you mop the kitchen floor, anything to get the job done and make it fun at the same time. If you've got loads of stuff to do it can be overwhelming so just give yourself a bit to do every day. Spend 10 mins tidying whilst she has a nap and you will be amazed at what you can achieve. if your place is really small then maybe have a clear out, again a bit at a time.

I work part time and I have a sort of schedule for the tidying - Saturday morning for bed changing, Sunday evening for bathroom cleaning, Friday night for ironing. Not exactly exciting but it means that everything gets done.

I hope this helps!! grin

Hope this helps.

acoady Mon 13-Oct-08 17:36:46

oh dear, I really do seem to hope this helps, as I managed to write it twice!!

mabanana Mon 13-Oct-08 17:38:37

Don't spend the day on your own! You need local mum-mates - have you got any? Invite one round on one of your days off and that will motivate you to tidy (only thing that really works for me) and do a social event on the other day, even if it's only a playgroup where you know people, and have lunch in a cafe. STaying at home is deadly with a non-talking companion.

wonderstuff Mon 13-Oct-08 17:39:16

thanks, I see some other mums sometimes, but going back too work makes it tricky, working different days and stuff, just feel rubbish today, think i need to spend less tme on here sad

mabanana Mon 13-Oct-08 17:42:40

Yes, you need to be out more. GOing back to work doesn't have to make it so hard. I'm sure there are other mums who don't work on your at-home days. You do need to hook up with them. What days do you work? I think Mon/tues/wed is best, as lots of people have thursa and fri off.

Lizzzombie Mon 13-Oct-08 17:43:50

I work part time with a 20 month (ish) Ds.
It drives me mental trying to do stuff, the only way I can organise my time is to have a rough schedule as mentioned by Acoady.
Eg.
Mondays housework & playgroup
Tuesdays work & park
Wednesdays Swimming & Asda
Thursdays work and sea front walk
Fridays housework & playgroup or other 'fun' activity
Saturdays work all day
Sunday do something family orientated/or if I am lucky get time to myself hmm

It is repetitive but I get through it by dividing it into chunks and rewarding myself for getting through the mundane bits.
1 hour of ironing = chocolate
clean kitchen floor = 1 hour MN etc!

I promise you it gets more fun as they get older (more fun = more hard work too!)

Also, I find a glass of wine once he is in bed really takes the edge off the day and makes me more mellow by the time DP gets home! wink

Lizzzombie Mon 13-Oct-08 17:45:09

PS - I met a good mate through MN. Have you looked at your MN local page? Or start a thread for people in your area to answer!

MurderousMarla Mon 13-Oct-08 17:46:43

I would lower your expectations. I work 3 days a week and my DS is 11 months too it's bloody hard - I think part time is the worst of both worlds really...

I'm off work Thurs/Fri and other than push the hoover around or pick up a bit of food shopping I don't try to do anything other than feed us both, and get out of the house - this is getting increasingly important the older DS gets...

The more I am out, the less mess is being created which is better all round...

toobusytothink Mon 13-Oct-08 17:46:50

and don't be afraid to ask other mums over. Even if they seem like busy, happy people I can promise you that every mum feels the same and would love to meet up if they are free. Or if they aren't free find out what they are up to. It might be there is a toddler group going on just down the road.

I am SAHM with 2 under 3 and I have to have something organised for most days otherwise would go mad. You are def not alone in feeling the way you do

MurderousMarla Mon 13-Oct-08 17:49:33

What days do you work?

Acinonyx Mon 13-Oct-08 17:54:54

I look at it like this. When would you get the housework done if you were working FT? If your dd was with a childminder, how much housework would you expect them to be doing? I think of being with dd as like a job - and don't expect to get all the housework done at the same time. As she is getting older (now 3) I do expect to get more done - but when she was a baby I got very little done, and dh and I just did it between us when we could.

wonderstuff Mon 13-Oct-08 17:59:17

I work tue/wed/thur will go out more, need to make more mates! is a toddler group on mons round the corner, have been using morning nap as excuse not to go, but sod it, will be brave next week!! Of my two regular mummy mates one is working ft and other working on my days off! Feel a bit better for posting, in my head everyone else is happily doing fun creative things with dc and also keeping immaculate house whilst i'm sitting in chaos bored stupid!

MurderousMarla Mon 13-Oct-08 18:29:52

Hope you don't think me weird but I thought I recognised your name from threads I've been on so ran a search and you're not far from me - there is a soft play centre in an old converted barn near Bramley - I haven't been yet, just practiced the drive, but if you ever want someone to go with on a Friday I'm sure my DS would love a little friend

wonderstuff Mon 13-Oct-08 18:38:05

sounds lovely mm, i dont drive so you'd have to give me a lift smile wanna email/facebook? avonbrookvaleAThotmailDOTcom

MurderousMarla Mon 13-Oct-08 19:26:30

sent you an email

BodenGroupie Mon 13-Oct-08 19:42:35

No practical suggestions that haven't already been given, but I felt exactly the same when mine were that age. Awful lot of pressure on women to think it's the happiest time of their lives but I have to admit I was crap at it! Seemed to spend a lot of time moping around and
generally being frustrated at the mess, boredom etc. Girls are now 15 and nearly 13 and I find it ten times better, I love their company and strangely it seems to be mutual - hang on in there, the early years aren't for everyone and you can only do your best.

harpomarx Mon 13-Oct-08 19:46:10

as everyone else says, best tip is to get out of the house. That way, no mess to deal with and no temptation to sit on MN!

wonderstuff Mon 13-Oct-08 19:54:14

thanks boden and harpo, relief to hear its not just me!

jop64 Mon 13-Oct-08 20:41:34

Yes, nothing really to add. The housework can always wait, having people over always gets me to run the hoover round (not get the duster out though!) and get out as much as you can. No-one in the house = less mess and muck!
I was working 3 days a week before ds2 arrived (he's 4 months old now) and did a stint at 4 days but that seemd to tip the bablance the wrong way for my liking. Much as I love my boys, I could never be a sahm - it would drive me insane!

Lizzzombie Tue 14-Oct-08 08:01:38

Plus don't forget that MN failsafe cleaning tip. Bung some bleach down the loo and the whole bathroom will smell like its been cleaned even if its not! wink

meandmyjoe Tue 14-Oct-08 08:17:17

Bugger the housework! we all feel like this. I don't work at all and I miss it so much. I get naff all done in the day, just about manage to get me and ds dressed, read to him, feed him (me tpp on a good day) and that's it. It's boring sometimes just playing and talking to him when he can't communicate properly. Don't feel guilty or like you've failed. My house is a tip, I always keep the kitchen clean and tidy but that's only cos ds can't reach the counters to mess it all up again. I don't bother with the rest as it just gets undone again!

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