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ds1 is delighted because he has been asked if he will 'go out' with a girl from his school but....

(25 Posts)
belcantwait Fri 10-Oct-08 18:14:23

the only prob is he is just 10 and she is nearly 15 shockhmm

what the hell do i do now? he has difficulties socially as he has AS, i know he will freak out if i say def no but equally i know what i was like at that age (ie a right slapperblush).

i mean ds cant even cross a road without being knocked over, i have to go everywhere with him. plus you know what if she wants to 'do' things? you know what i'm saying, where are they actually going to go? i dont know anything about her. arrrgghhhhh!

what shall i DOOOOOO?

seeker Fri 10-Oct-08 18:17:31

Sorry, but I would say no. How would you feel if your 10 year old dd was asked out by a 15 year old boy?

Sobernow Fri 10-Oct-08 18:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sobernow Fri 10-Oct-08 18:22:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saturn74 Fri 10-Oct-08 18:25:11

Invite her round to your house.
Explain to them both that as your DS is only 10, you are happy for them to be friends, but he is too young for dating.

herbietea Fri 10-Oct-08 18:25:31

Message withdrawn

JustKeepSwimming Fri 10-Oct-08 18:31:10

belcanwait - i don't want to offend but do you think this is a bit of a windup? re her friends getting her to do it as a sort of dare? i mean you say he has AS and some social difficulties, maybe they want to see how he'll react when they all pop out from behind a bush of something...
Sure i saw something on the news once about older kids picking on a SN kid this way
def get her to come round to your house, a sort of 'tea party' date, if she agrees to that, then go from there??? but really he's too young regardless of AS.

Troutpout Fri 10-Oct-08 18:37:22

Is she sn or nt? come they are in the same school (agewise)? is it middle and upper ?
OOoooh don't know. I have ds 11 with aspergers.
How will you say no? She hasn't asked you has she wink grin
<<thinks>>If you do everything with him anyway...then they will only be together in your presence..around your house maybe.
Oh not sure...sorry
Will be watching thread with interest though!

scaredoflove Fri 10-Oct-08 18:43:53

is this a wind up? You even have to think about this?? The 15 year old should be his babysitter, not a friend and definitely not going out

Overmydeadbody Fri 10-Oct-08 18:45:54

I agree with JustKeepSwimming. I would be very very sceptical of her motives.

belcantwait Fri 10-Oct-08 18:59:37

i am sceptical. tho she does seem to genuinely like him from what he tells me. not sure if she has any sn as well. ds says she seems to have one other friend (which doesnt sound right to me for a nt 14 yr old)

he goes to a small private school which goes from 5 to 16 so all ages are in playground at breaks and lunchtimes.

i have to say i find it v odd as well. i dont think i shouldagree to it. i am just wondering how i approach it all tbh.

i did say to him when he told me all excitedly about it that i didnt really think it would work as what would they actually 'do' and so on and tried to explain how 14/15 yr old girls are much more 'grown up' than boys of their own age let alone 10 yr old boys.

maybe i should have a word with his teacher on monday. he is of course very suggestible and i can imagine him being sucked into doing anything really.

really did not see anything like this happeing

zippitippitoes Fri 10-Oct-08 18:59:38

well this is blatantly ridiculous

so no to 'going out'

i cant believe you have to ask

and the same would reply however immature she might be or mature he might appear

if he was 13 maybe but 10 NO

surely you arent serious

zippitippitoes Fri 10-Oct-08 19:01:04

x post there

MrsGuyOfGisbourne Fri 10-Oct-08 19:18:25

Very disturbing - if this is for real you need to fnd out what is going on, even if not a wind up on her part still completely woerd behaviour and not at all appropriate for your DS to be involved with.

belcantwait Fri 10-Oct-08 19:31:21


its for real from where i am standing. no idea obv what her thinking behind this is.
am going to try and do some digging later on with mums of older dc at the school

MrsGhoulofGhostbourne Fri 10-Oct-08 20:17:12

BCW - sorry did not man cast aspersion, just worried about you lovely DS being used/confused. Please let us know how yuo get on?

Anna8888 Fri 10-Oct-08 20:20:24

This is totally inappropriate.

A ten year old boy is a child; a 15 year old girl is sexually mature - and unlikely to be emotionally mature enough to handle relationship issues.

LynetteScavo Fri 10-Oct-08 20:23:31

But surely this isn't intended as serious by the girl?

She probaby asked your DS "Will you go out with me? <<sniggers with friend>>" and your DS took it on face value.

When I was in 6th form, I was asked out by a first former. Ofcourse I said yes, I didn't want to make the little lad sad. He was well chuffed, and said "oh great, now I have 8 girlfriends."

LynetteScavo Fri 10-Oct-08 20:25:33

I think in samll private schools, it can me normal for older girls to befriend younger boys as thier "pets".

Or maybe that was just us. blush

belcantwait Fri 10-Oct-08 22:12:05

thank you

i will let you know what happens. will try and have a chat with him tomorrow. dh thinks there is no harm in it and wants to invite her for tea hmmshock. he may have had a few pints before coming home tho lol

will def talk to teacher about it on monday. i dont want him to be object of ridicule. that was the whole rreason for sending him to that school in the first place after coming home in tears from his state school every day sad

JustKeepSwimming Sat 11-Oct-08 08:28:45

sounds like a plan

oh and sorry for misspelling name belcantwait blush

iheartdusty Sat 11-Oct-08 20:12:42

if you come back to this thread, just thought I would add that as far as I can remember, there was no 'going out' involved in going out with someone for at least the first year of 'going out', if that makes sense.

What used to happen during the first year of secondary school was that boy would ask girl 'will you go out with me', or vice versa; then they sort of loitered by each other at break times, but still spent most of the time with their mates; possibly tried a tentative kiss; carried the label 'x is going out with y' for a while; then drifted apart or 'dumped' each other after a couple of weeks.

the next stage, which we got to after a year or so of this, was to go out on an actual date with a parent to take us - eg to the cinema.

so possibly this girl thinks your DS is nice, and if she is a bit less mature than others in her age group, she just wants to be 'going out' with him, but this would only actually amount to spending about 5 minutes a day in his company at school.

I do agree that the age difference is disconcerting, but just wanted to suggest that the situation may not be a cause for alarm.

LynetteScavo Sun 12-Oct-08 12:08:58

There seems to be alot of "going out" and "dumpng" going on in DS1s Y5 class. It doesn't actually mean anything; it's all talk. (althought I did find an un sent love letter DS had written to a girl stateing "I love you with all my life" with a drawing of two birds kiising).

She never recieved it because she "dumped" him, but DS, of course was "not bothered".

belcantwait Sun 12-Oct-08 21:08:49

i spoke to a friend at the school yesterday - her dd is in yr 8 so 2 yrs below this girl. apparently this girl has a boyfriend- they are always outside school gates snogging before school apparently grin. maybe i will try and point them out to ds lol

JustKeepSwimming Mon 13-Oct-08 10:10:15

poor lad, a broken heart at 10! hopefully it will put him off her though

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