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this lioness like urge to protect my baby is overwhelming. I used to be a laid back person, when will I become normal again?(14 Posts)
I imagine this is a common issue but since having my DS 6 months ago, I've become wracked with fear about things that could happen to my baby. I dream about dropping and killing him, I have mental flashes where I imagine him dying and stories of child abuse in the press really really upset me. I could definitely kill anyone who threatened him. It's not just centered on DS either, I suddenly feel ultra protective of all children (beyond what I think is probably normal)
Now I know that this is a normal part of being a mum but how the hell do you control it? I was always a laid back person but I'm having to work increasingly hard to maintain this relaxed exterior while inside my thoughts are racing towards doom. My liberal leanings are being clouded by ideas that child abusers should be castrated etc, I'm worried I'll start reading the daily mail soon! (an urge I will fight)
I don't want my DS growing up terrified of the world around him, but I'm finding myself increasingly scared by it.
Someone tell me it's hormones or something, I'm going crazy!!
Am completely the same. And as they get older you have different fears. My current one is when ds (2.6) is walking along the pavement and I think a car's going to back out of a driveway and squash him.
I don't think the worrying ever stops.
God knows how I'll cope when he leaves home!
Sometimes PND manifests itself like this.
It's normal to want to protect your child; dd is 7, and I would fight tigers with my bare hands to protect her. But the fears which you have and the mental flashes would be a red flag to me that something isn't quite right.
put it this way - 2.5 years in and I still have flashes and over whelmeing urges (usually when he's good asleep!) and I just want to go in scoop him up hug him tight and never let go.
I think being aware, keeping things in check is the key.
you can be too strict and smother them and like wise too laid back.
I am like this too since I had children. DS is now 4 and the instinct is still strong.
Completely agree about what you write re other children. I also feel ultra protective of all children.
ds1 is 7 and i still feel that way about him. do have odd moments of imagining terrible things happening to him, have to firmly say to myself "you are being ridiculous" and go la la la in my brain til it decides to think about something different.
I could have written this thread so you are not alone! I think it's normal to worry and want to protect your child. I think when you imagine bad things happening it is because you love your child so utterly and fiercely that you can't imagine being without him. I'm sure these thoughts will pass.
well that makes me feel better thanks! glad it's not just me.
I am still at home FT, but really loving it (in fact dreading the return to work) so I don't think it is PND - I have such a good baby (touches wood) that I would feel a bit of a fraud to say I'm suffering in any way, when I see what some of my friends cope with I'm amazed that they keep going.
Maybe I do have too much time to think about the scary stuff though. I really wasn't prepared for the strength of emotion that parenthood would release on me.
Actually, thinking about it just now, my dad is being a right arse towards both me and my brother just now so I maybe have a heightened sense of "i'm never going to hurt you" towards my lo.
sounds really grim but for me the hardest thing about the first few months was accepting that i could not protect my ds from everything and that he could die at any moment. Until i accepted this i could not deal with any arguments about the extremely low likelihood of anything like that happening.
I started a thread exactly the same as this when dd was a similar age. I remember someone told me that I would always worry, but not always be in this intense hothouse of feelings of worry. I think you worry slightly less (and then I worry I'm not worrying) as they get a little older. I am generally a very highly strung person, but as dd is 17mo, am much calmer than I was when she was smaller.
I think it's normal.
I think you also have to appreciate the time you have with him rather than worrying what will happen if there is an accident of whatever. I'm petrified of something happening to DS but also like to think of the joy he has brought us already
As they grow up, it becomes easier I think to feel that you can't protect them from everything, that increasingly the reponsibility moves from us to them, and as they grow you get a feeling that they are more like us, people who will go through a certain amount of suffering in life because everybody does.
After the first year or two I moved out of that intense hormonality when you can't read a sad story about a child without emotion welling up.
Then gradually, some of that intense protectiveness went. I would get very upset if a toddler had say burnt her hand, but I wouldn't stop dd (nearly 12) from baking because she might burn her hand: she may well, but so may I; it's not that much worse if she does it.
Dd is disabled and will probably suffer a certain amount of pain throughout her life, which is difficult to know as a mother, but I find even my feelings about that are changing as she gets older. Now I see it more as something she has to deal with, rather than something I ought to be able to take away from her. The burden is hers more than mine. And I trust her to make the most of the life she has been given.
Cory that is such a wonderful post. Wholeheartedly agree that as they get older you start to see them as little people in their own right.
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