defiant 2.9 year old... any advice

[shoptilidrop]

My daughter is really pushing my buttons at the momment. She is a very bright, chatty, independent and bossy 2.9 year old. But her behaviour towards me latley is just terrible. We have just moved house 2 weeks ago, to a totally new area, so im prepared to give her a bit of slack for that, but not a lot. Today when i picked her up from playgroup she was fine, until i said we were going straigh home and not to the park. She screamed at the top of her voice she was not going home, she didnt love me and she didnt care. Then she SPAT at me. I could not believe it. I told her in a very stern voice that was very bad behaviour and we were going home. She would not come and just screamed no at the top of her voice. I told her yes, that was what was happening, and i had to frog march her home, holding her arm, with her screaming ' let go of me; dont touch me' ' i dont love you' at the top of her voice. When we got home she threw a mighty tantrum on the floorl before i put her on the naughty step and told her why she was there. Took about 10 mins for her to calm down and say sorry. She is not like this with anyone else. she generally just doesn as she is told. Yet at the momment, it seems that if i say something she just screams no, or just flat refuses to do it.
I will not let her get away with it, and will not back down as i will not let her behave so badly, but does anyone have any idea how else to handle it.... or why shes doiing it?

thanks

[AbbeyA]

It is hard work! It is the age, the terrible 2's, she is exerting her independence. Just ignore her when she gets like that (as much as possible) and give her attention when she is being pleasant. Talk to her after she has calmed down, she will gradually realise that the behaviour doesn't get her anywhere.

[dizzywitches]

agree completely with AbbeyA - am already here with very strong minded dd2 who is only 2.5 but my god is she hard work, much harder than dd1.

do you have a dh/dp who can help? it can be so demoralising dealing with it all the time - make sure you show a united front or she'll just play you off each other

the only other thing I can add is once you've said something or made a rule do NOT change your mind or give in - they can smell fear and indecision

good luck - it will pass I promise, my dd1 was a dream between 3 and 5yrs, she's now started school but thats a whole new thread lol

[AbbeyA]

I agree with dizzywitches-don't give in or you will never stop them.
Don't get upset by the 'I don't love you bit'-she doesn't mean it. I just said something flippant like 'that's Ok I have enough love for 2'.
You get the worst behaviour because she feels secure with you-it is a bit of a back handed compliment! She is testing the boundries and may be worse with all the change.

[dizzywitches]

she's too young to understand what I don't love you means

she'll have heard you saying you love her so knows its important but not quite how cutting a remark it is

[Weegle]

Do you usually go to the park, and had you warned her before playgroup that you wouldn't be today? DS acts appalingly if I "spring" something on him. I can never say to him "do this" as it results in a battle of wills, I have to convince him what I want him to do is a good idea/his idea and then it can be done relatively stress free.

And I would cut her a reasonable amount of slack due to the move. She's only little, never known another home (presumably) and doesn't understand grown-up concepts of why the move will have happened - to her she's lost the security she knew yet doesn't know how to articulate those feelings.

Good luck, two year olds are blinking hard work!

[shoptilidrop]

thanks.
We have only been to the park once, we have only been here for 2 weeks. Ive promised to take her tomorrow.

She has been mostly well behaved the rest of the day, thank goodness.

She has just never behaved SO BADLY before.
She listens to her daddy though, he only has to give her a stern look and shes all sheepish and saying sorry, but with me its a different story.

[cory]

I wouldn't give in and let her do what she wants, but I wouldn't make a big thing of the tantrum either. This is normal 2yo behaviour, not some extreme instance of Bad Behaviour. Just look mildly bored and carry frog marching her home.

Dd had a daily tantrum at this age. She is now a perfectly civilised pre-teen. It will pass.