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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Should I report to police/how to handle this assault on DS

48 replies

smileindenial · 02/10/2008 22:33

DS (15) came home about an hour ago with blood all over his face in a right state. To cut a long story short, he'd had an argument with his girlfriend (also 15) who also happens to be black belt in karate and she apparantly kicked him twice in the face. Her father then dragged him out of their house and threw him onto the street where he's sprained his wrist upon falling to the ground.

I don't know what the row was about but I'm livid.

He doesn't want me to report it or do anything (I assume because he'll have to admit to being beaten up by a girl) but I can't just leave it.

What should I do?

OP posts:

Report

Carmenere · 02/10/2008 22:34

You should find out what the row was about.

hecate · 02/10/2008 22:35

Find out what the row was about. Phone the girl's father. You need to know what started this fight and who did what to who (whom?) in order to know how to proceed.

HRHSaintMamazon · 02/10/2008 22:35

You need to find out what the row was about.

what has happened is wrong but i think you should respect his wishes. i doubt very much more than a quick chat with the girl woudl come of it anyway.

there is never an excuse for violance but surely something must hae happened to cause such an incident

MinkyBorage · 02/10/2008 22:35

I don't suppose you're getting the full story. Leave it leave it leave it. Let the dust settle, and don't get involved, apart from banning/strongly discouraging him from seeing her and her fami8ly again.

controlfreakinfreaky · 02/10/2008 22:36

can you talk to him more about what happened / what he does want to do about it / why he doesn't want to involve police? is / was this a longstanding relationship? how have gfriends parents treated him in the past? could you speak to the dad / mum??

MinkyBorage · 02/10/2008 22:37

When I say leave it, I mean don't get involved with talking to her or her family, think you should definitely try to egt to the bottom of things with your ds!

Romy7 · 02/10/2008 22:38

omg. can you work the 'what if she/they do it to someone else' line or would his pride not swallow it? you'd have to know what the argument was about i think before you knew if he'd ever report... that's really grim - as far as i understand the whole point of these martial arts is learning to control yourself - looks like she failed on that count. at 15 i think it's your call rather than his, but you need him on side or he won't talk. i'm with the dad - he is an adult after all...

3littlefrogs · 02/10/2008 22:39

I would agree - find out what caused the incident. Karate is supposed to be for self defence - the girl's club would take a very dim view of her using her skills inappropriately.

You should take photographs of his injuries and make sure he is examined by a doctor and everything documented. You may not take it further, but you need it all recorded. The doctor will keep all confidential unless you say otherwise.

smileindenial · 02/10/2008 22:39

They've been together about a year. She's very indepentant and strong minded for her age, people often think she's over 17 (I did at first, couldn't believe she was only 14) but as far as I know she's always treat DS well and her family have too, her father threatened him when he first started seeing her though saying he'd break his legs if he ever hurt her

OP posts:

wheresthehamster · 02/10/2008 22:42

Well - it COULD have been self-defence for all we know.

Best get the facts first.

smileindenial · 02/10/2008 22:44

well the story so far is that the argument started between DS and her younger brother (13). The brother threatened DS, DS said he would 'knock him out' and thats when the girl got involved.

OP posts:

MinkyBorage · 02/10/2008 22:45

blimey, they sound like the family from Shameless

wheresthehamster · 02/10/2008 22:46

Is it worth getting her father's side of the story? Are you on friendly terms?

Romy7 · 02/10/2008 22:49

daughter's boyfriend comes round and threatens son? doubt you're going to get any sense from dad, whoever 'started it'... mop up and tell him he shouldn't have retaliated. then tell him to choose his girlfriend more sensibly.

smileindenial · 02/10/2008 22:55

ok I've just phoned the dad. He says DS pushed his daughter against the wall banging her head, she then went for him. Apparantly this happened half an hour or so before he threw him out because after she'd kicked him he fell to the floor, she then kicked him again and walked out of the room to tell her dad what had happened. He went into the room, helped DS up, asked what had happened etc and according to him, they were close to phoning me/ambulance as he seemed to be having trouble speaking
Her mother gave him a glass of water. A few minutes later DS apparantly shouted at her that she was a 'slag' and this is when dad went through the roof and grabbed him.

DS said most of this story is bull.

OP posts:

Romy7 · 02/10/2008 22:59

but what would his version be? it would seem a little odd that the whole family just went mental and beat him up with no provocation?

Morloth · 02/10/2008 22:59

Well he would, wouldn't he?

I would think the best course of action here is just to having nothing further to do with them and to let it go. If your DS DID push the girl against the wall then it is HIM who will likely get into trouble if you get the police involved. The girl was absolutely right to defend herself and the father was also right to throw him out after that.

Perhaps he will think before he pushes someone around again.

Romy7 · 02/10/2008 23:00

i know it does happen... but impossible to find out if they all stick to their story anyway...

Romy7 · 02/10/2008 23:01

mop up. go to bed.

MinkyBorage · 02/10/2008 23:01

it sounds like Shameless

beanieb · 02/10/2008 23:04

What is his version of events?

smileindenial · 02/10/2008 23:04

I'm starting to think DS lost his temper and tried to hurt her tbh. he's now changed his story to say he 'did' push her but only because she wouldn't let him past. And he 'can't remember' if he called her a slag or not

Basically sounds like he's picked on 'the wrong one' and got a kicking for it. Wouldn't be the first time.

OP posts:

mabanana · 02/10/2008 23:06

This all reminds me of the bit in the TV drama about TOny Hancock, where he calls his girlfriend's respectable old mum a cunt, drinks bottles of whisky, fights with his girlfriend, vomits, breaks furniture, then just before passing out, comments, 'I do so enjoy these little chats'.
SOunds an enchanting evening all round.

Carmenere · 02/10/2008 23:08

Well firstly I was going to post initially that as I have a few teenage dsc's that you are almost defintely not getting the full story but I see that you have discovered that
And whilst the girl and her family do sound a bit rough, I would make sure that he is physically ok and then come down on him like a ton of bricks. An uncontrolled temper is the most likely thing to get a young man killed. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

Morloth · 02/10/2008 23:14

TBH it sounds like he got lucky this time, he really needs to learn to behave himself, the next person his hassles might not have the training to restrain herself from REALLY hurting him.

Gosh I would be so proud of my daughter.

Flip

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