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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

So what do you do when your kids repeatedly ignore you?

34 replies

RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 16:19

You must have experienced this, you ask them to do something once, twice, three times and then finally when you yell at them they do it.

My dd has a habit of doing this just recently. I'm not sure it's all deliberate, I know she's dizzy. But it's really bloody annoying!

I just asked her, very clearly, to get changed. 10mins later she's still playing with her brother.

She's now in her room and is staying in there until I feel she can come out.

I'm interested to find out how everyone else deals with this.

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RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 16:22

Nope, everyone else's kids do as they are told first time round then!

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MadameCastafiore · 01/10/2008 16:26

Start ignoring them?

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RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 16:29

Ah, tried that. Has no effect on them and they don't see the connection.

dd has now started saying "In a minute" which really irritates me.

I've just yelled at her saying that in future, when I say "jump", she jumps. Not in a minute but right away. Because a minute turns into half an hour and she is more likely to forget.

If she chooses to ignore me again, then I take away whatever she is doing and she has to go to her room for half an hour.

Bloody kids!

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sclubheaven · 01/10/2008 16:34

She needs a consequence for not doing what you've asked her to do.

How old is she? My DS1 is 5 and usually dawdles terribly before school I say things like "Do it now otherwise you won't get any playtime/I won't let you take that toy to school/you won't get to watch television" etc. It usually gets a (fairly) instant response!

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RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 16:36

She's 8. Old enough to know better.

The answering back with "In a minute" really got to me.

Repeating the instruction and finally yelling it just winds both me and dh up. So now we are looking at instant consequences, yes.

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Elk · 01/10/2008 16:37

I normally end up shouting and steam comes out my ears and the children run off crying (does that help - no, thought not)

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MadreInglese · 01/10/2008 16:37

Ah Rhubarb my dizzy DD is just the same, she goes off to brush her teeth and I find her 20 mins later laying on the landing playing with the cat

For fear of turning into mad shrieky nagging mother I had to think of something....

We have resorted as of last week to bribery, her pocket money is now dependant on her doing things either without being asked (for the expected get dressed, brush teeth, etc) or without being nagged (for non-regular additional tasks). Seems to be working ok so far.

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MadreInglese · 01/10/2008 16:39

So currently if she doesn't do something when asked it's eg 20p taken off. No nagging or stressing or conversations about it, it just happens.

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OrmIrian · 01/10/2008 16:39

a Cry.
b Shout.
or c Morph into sergeant-major-mum and then spend the next 30 mins justifying my actions to myself

BTW 'in a minute' is the red rag to DH. Have tried to explain that he and I both do it all the time to the DC.

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RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 16:43

Good point OrmIrian, we do say "in a minute" to the kids. But then we are adults and are genuinely busy, they are children and need to learn that they cannot talk back to us like they are adults.

Trouble with the pocket money theory is that I forget! I did say she could have 50p a week, but I've been forgetting to give her that, so to take some away every time she ignores us, I'll lose track and forget to give her any anyway.

She doesn't think pocket money is important. I need a consequence that actually means something to her.

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OrmIrian · 01/10/2008 16:45

I know we have more justification usually. BUT have to say that to DH is just a likely to say it when he's reading the paper.

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MadreInglese · 01/10/2008 16:46

That's true, if pocket money doesn't bother her then you do need something else. Could you do a more grown up version of a star/sticker chart with a reward for her to work towards? Positive reinforcement and all that malarky..

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RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 17:09

Or I could use the electric fly swatter on her!

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bramblebooks · 01/10/2008 17:32

If they are absorbed in something I say their name, make sure they are looking at me and then ask. I make sure I get an acknowledgement so that I know they've heard.

They know that if they're told to do something and after a reasonable amount of time I start to count to 5 that they have to get going ... !

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RhubarbEatsBiscuitsOnTheBog · 01/10/2008 19:06

That's what happened this aft Bramble. She was looking at me, I got her full attention and a 'yes' from her, but 10mins later she had not done what I had asked her to do.

Just bloody winds me up is all!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Madsometimes · 02/10/2008 12:31

A selection of things my children do not do on first asking:

Get dressed to go to school
Do homework
Do music practice
Get dressed to go out on special treats (I kid you not. We went to Diggerland in summer hols. dd1 refused to get dressed because she wanted to chill in her pj's. Result dd2 got to spend £5.00 in gift shop, dd1 did not)
Get dd1 dressed for brownies, because she wants to watch tv. She loves brownies when she is there.
Sit up at the table for meals.
Get ready to go the park on a nice day.

Basically anything and everything. I have to get my children up an hour and a half before we need to leave to go to school because everything takes so long. I love my children to bits, but I wish they would do as they were told first time.

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Madsometimes · 02/10/2008 12:33

What do I do? Usually just shout but they don't take any notice

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Uriel · 02/10/2008 12:36

She's only 8. Can't you just remind her?

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Othersideofthechannel · 02/10/2008 12:39

She's 8. Can you explain why it is a problem for you and see if she has got any ideas to help her do things immediately?

DS is 5 and we did this 'problem solving' after a year of not finding a way for him to be dressed in a reasonable time on a school day. He decided that I should sit with him for five minutes while he does it. If he is completely dressed with 5 min, I put his socks on. If not, he has to finish by himself. It works for him.

MadSometimes, it takes us 1.15 hours but that's because they eat soooo much for breakfast!

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dalu · 02/10/2008 12:54

DS is 4.5 and i told him that if he get dressed before me he will get a star if not I will get a star instead. Works wanders..at least for now!

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Othersideofthechannel · 02/10/2008 12:58

Not sure an 8 yr old is going to be motivated by a star chart though.

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porkypoo · 02/10/2008 13:00

I've decided to focus on one thing a week from now on...
This week its make bed.... If they do it all week without being reminded we will go to pizzahut for tea on Saturday (50%off thanks MN!!) So far so good.

Next week i think i shall do teeth cleaning and bed, so i'm going to add to it each week. Don't know if it will work but its worth a try!

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dalu · 02/10/2008 13:02

Finds what motivates her

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ivykaty44 · 02/10/2008 13:03

Sorry was there a noise in here? Did someone say something - no oh...

Ignoring back has very quick results

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jennifersofia · 02/10/2008 13:46

I am in complete sympathy. We have a dd who is the same age as yours (OP) and consistently ignores. I get in a bit of dilemma about it because a) I think she doesn't do it to be specifically naughty, but is very absorbed in what she is doing, eg reading and b) I can understand not wanting to stop what you are doing immediately to go and tidy up, start practice, etc.
I realised also that I was asking her to do things intermittently at my convenience (such as several requests in a short space of time). It works better for us if I ask her to stop what she is doing, make eye contact and tell her exactly what she needs to do now, and give her a little list (take your doll upstairs, make bed and brush your teeth), rather than make 3 separate requests, each 10 minutes apart.