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I'm not cut out for this - anyone else feel like this?? Any advice?

(8 Posts)
queribus Sat 27-Sep-08 11:38:38

I have a DD aged 3 and a DS 12 weeks, and I think I've lost the plot. I feel so miserable most of the time, and I really struggle to 'enjoy' either of my children.

I know it's early days with DS but I'm so very tired (he's not a good sleeper) and I find myself taking my resentment, anger and tiredness out on my DD - which is obviously something I'm not very proud of.

I feel like a total failure as a parent. An example - we walked into town this morning, went to a cafe and then the library - so far, so good. Then DS starts to cry on the way home, getting more and more upset. DD is getting tired but I end of telling her off for being slow! By the time we got home, I'm in tears, DS is nearly hysterical (he was tired/hungry) and DD has yet again borne the brunt of my inability to cope.

How does everyone else cope with the day to day parenting stuff?

Sorry for rambling - hope someone can help.

TattooedGrrrl Sat 27-Sep-08 12:07:39

Have no fear, there is hope! smile

I have a 16mth age gap, and for the first few months of DS2's life i found this hard. I even thought i might have PND at one point. DS2 is now 11mths, he is a lovely cheery boy, and i am coping much better.

Sleep deprivation is a killer, it makes you loony, you're not bad or useless, you're human.

maybe prioritising things day to day will help- try to leave things that are less important. And take any help you can get- do you have a DP/DH, or helpful grandparents around? Even just an hour to read ot lie in the bath can make you feel better.

I promise it will get better- i never thought i'd sleep again, but DS2 has just started sleeping through, and i'm starting to feel like the old me again.

Chin up chick!

Acinonyx Sat 27-Sep-08 12:33:13

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. If you can get past that, aspp says, it will be very different. Do you have a DP or other family? Could you get some extra sleep at the weekend at least (that's what I used to do)?

mumof2andabit Sat 27-Sep-08 12:44:12

In answer to your question do other people feel like this YES all the time! And I have another on the way as well currently have 2.4ds 6month dd and predict all sorts grin

whomovedmychocolate Sat 27-Sep-08 13:13:08

Yep, I feel this way on a daily basis at the minute - DD is nearly two and having mass tantrums and DS is 10 weeks. But I am holding onto the fact that I remember DD starting to sleep properly at 10 months and if I can hold out till then things will get better because for me the relentless crippling tiredness is the real killer.

No-one can be a perfect parent on four hours sleep IMHO.

Also your DD won't hold it against you. I always try and make sure we have something really nice every day, even if it's just sitting for fifteen minutes and painting, so she knows she's loved and she gets tons of cuddles still.

queribus Sat 27-Sep-08 13:38:34

Thanks for the replies.

DS has been asleep for nearly 2 hours - a massive milestone as he's only ever slept for 20 minutes at a stretch during the day! Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess I'm just worried that DD feels increasingly left out and she'll feel unloved and unwanted, as all my energy seems to go into just geeting through the day. And the rounds of feeding, preparing meals, nappies, washing, housework etc. seems endless.

DH works long hours, with long commute and is currently away on business. My parents live abroad and my PIL are well-meaning but not much practical help.

Probably just feeling sorry for myself ... At least I'm not alone.

MuffinMclay Sat 27-Sep-08 13:50:21

I think (hope) its perfectly normal to feel like this. The last few weeks dh has come home to me exhausted (and in tears often) saying much the same - I'm not cut out for this, I don't have the patience, energy, etc (dcs 2.5 and 7mo).

I've been trying to cope with toddler tantrums (with accompanying baby hitting) and a coldy and grumpy baby (who has been waking a lot in the night recently), and it has got too much at times. 5-7pm is meltdown time in this house, with much screaming all round.

motherinferior Sat 27-Sep-08 13:52:46

Just hang on in there. One day things will be a bit easier. And then they'll be a lot easier. Really they will. I can't give you a timescale, but I can tell you that if as hopeless a parent as I am can survive seven years of it, anyone can. Really. I am the world's most dreadful parent, but I'm still here (and my kids are gorgeous. NOW.)

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