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Parenting

Sleeping

20 replies

LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 19:57

Have just had a horror of a time with my DD (8 and 1/2 months old)

We had a new bed about 1 month ago and her cot wouldn't fit in our room anymore. Her room wasn't finished - no curtain rail etc so she's been sleeping in bed with me.

Cut to today and I've put her back in her cot and into her room. Have had to spend 1/2 hr with her standing up, me putting her back down, screaming. She ended up screaming herself to sleep... It was horrible to listen to but I don't know any other way of dealing with it as I don't want her to need me to rock her to sleep etc as she always wakes in the night for a 1/2 hr here and there and has always managed to get herself back to sleep. I worry that if I start rocking her or feeding her to sleep then she'll wake in the night and not be able to get to sleep again.

Thanks for any help you can offer.

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 20:17

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MarlaSinger · 26/09/2008 20:22

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 20:35

She was absolutely fine with me, Settled herself to sleep then if she woke in the night did exactly the same thing.

See I do'nt want to rock or feed her to sleep whether it is or isn't the path of least resistance. I agree that she is too young to be left but I know no other ways.

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MadMazza · 26/09/2008 20:44

Some childcare manuals suggest you gradually leave the room - start by the cot for five minutes, then take a chair and sit in the centre of the room, then gradually withdraw and sit by the door. I found with my son that by the time I got to the door he would be nearly asleep. I would then creep out and most of the time he would settle.

Just a suggestion but it might be more painless than leaving her to cry herself to sleep.

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claireybee · 26/09/2008 20:44

I think the problem here is that you are trying to make three changes at once: New room, cot when she has got used to your bed, sleeping on her own when she is used to being in with you. You might find it easier to tackle one at a time.

When you say she was settling herself in your bed, was she doing that with you there or not? (just can't imagine leaving an 8 month old alone on a bed without them crawling off it!)

I also think that too much is made of forming bad habits and that it won't actually cause any long term damage if you help her to get to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings. Staying with her for a few nights (even rocking her) until she gets used to the new surroundings doesn't mean she will expect it forever and she may not even need it once she is used to the new room.

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MadMazza · 26/09/2008 20:45

I have also always put on "bedtime music" for my two children They have a CD of lullabies and it seems to soothe them and help them to sleep.

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 20:46

MM - I like that idea although she is pulling herself to standing or crawling along the cot. How do I deal with that?

Also - Don't get me wrong I didn't just ignore her, I did try to soothe her.

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claireybee · 26/09/2008 20:47

Also both of mine self settle at bedtime but have still needed help in the night so I don't agree that the two are connected - in your case her needing you at bedtime may not mean that she needs you again in the middle of the night.

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 20:49

We have a winnie the pooh thing that beams a picture on the ceiling.

She always settled alone. I'd give her her bottle and she'd get dozy so I walked away. This is what I tried tonight I gave her her bottle in her cot and then when she started to get dozy I walked away and she screamed.

Also she's been in her cot before just not for about a month.

I'll try MM's suggestion tomorrow (no offence claireybee, I just don't want her to form a habit if I can help it... although the more ideas the better as I don't ever want her to be that upset again.)

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MadMazza · 26/09/2008 20:50

I'd suggest you ignore the standing up/crawling. Say "now lie down it's time for sleep". Don't make eye contact with her - if she's really sleepy I think she'll settle in the knowledge that you are there. I might be completely wrong though and it might not work for you!! No two children are the same!!

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MarlaSinger · 26/09/2008 20:50

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 20:52

I don't mind slow results. Just no more crying.

Will look at the nocry technique.

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 21:10

She's not sleeping in there very well and since 7pm when she fell asleep has woken 4 times. Should I just persevere or give up and take her to bed with me again?

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 21:11

We've got a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I'm scared she's gonna be too worn out to enjoy it.

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dontbitemytoes · 26/09/2008 21:16

i guess its up to you to do whatever makes you feel better? imo 8 months is an awful time for sleeping. i rocked my dd to sleep every night for about 2 months at this age until one hideous night aged about 10.5 months when i did controlled crying. it was AWFUL, but it did work.

i know there are some mums on here who don't agree with cc, but it took 45 minutes one night and 10 minutes the next (going in each minute to settle, not leaving for the whole time!) and then it worked and i never had to do the rocking to sleep again! hoorah!

not sure i would have been confident enough to do it at 8 months though, also not sure that dd would have understood....

my general "rule" of parenting is ask opinions then take bits from each and do exactly what suits you. YOU are your child's mother, YOU know your child best, and YOU have to deal with any consequences

HTH

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 21:26

Ok - I'm going to leave her in her cot for the night and once we get to 5am if she's still waking up i'll take her into my bed for the rest of the night/morning.

Just have to hope she sleeps as she normally LOVES get together's with other kids so I'd hate for her to miss out cos she's so tired.

In the meantime tomorrow I think i'll try the idea of moving away a little each time till she falls asleep.

Would this work during daytime naps too?

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LuckySalem · 26/09/2008 21:29

May try to tackle daytime naps first and let her sleep with me overnight for a couple more nights. Will leave her for now as she's asleep.

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LuckySalem · 27/09/2008 15:30

So last night. DD woke up at 4:45am at which point I gave up and took her into bed with me, bottle and slept till 8am.

So how do I settle her tonight? I'm determined that she goes back in her cot but I don't want another screaming marathon as that was horrid.
Also when do I stop taking her in our bed? I was thinking of giving it at least another week before adding that hurdle to her.

I was going to tackle daytime naps but DH works nights so I need her to settle easily before I do that - it'll wake him up otherwise.

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pudding25 · 27/09/2008 19:28

Don't start rocking her to sleep if she usually knows how to settle. You will end up creating bad habits.

She is just out of sorts because things have changed. If you don't want to do cc, then I would put her in the cot, sit with her and pat her for a certain time (you decide e.g 20 mins), leave her for 5 mins, go back in for 5/10 mins, leave her for 5/10 mins (whatever you feel comfortable with). Do this until she falls asleep.

Do the same again the next night, maybe decrease slightly the amount of time you spend with her.

She should learn to self settle again within a few days.

Don't blame you for taking her into your bed at 4.45am but I would not make a habit of it or she will expect it (but that is up to you).

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LuckySalem · 27/09/2008 20:24

I'm not going to make a habit of it but I want to tackle one thing at a time. HV reckons she's waking again cos its new so I need to deal with getting her to settle first and then spending the whole night in the cot? I kinda like that idea as I don't want to force stuff on her.

Well today... I tried to get her to sleep in her cot (fell asleep in the car on way home) so I took her to bed and as soon as she hit the cot she woke up screaming so she came downstairs. Fell asleep downstairs and I tried to put her in the travel cot.. same thing happened.

Tonight though I developed a new bedtime routine around her and its worked tonight but we'll see whether its a fluke. I gave her dinner, played with her for abit, took her to get changed and played with her in her room. Put her to bed and fed her her bottle in her cot. She then smiled, turned over and went to sleep.

I don't know what i'll do if she wakes up again tonight yet.