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how can i be more kind to my kids??

(12 Posts)
lovecamping Tue 23-Sep-08 19:52:24

i feel/think i could do with being more kind to my kids. not quite sure what to do though.

my kids are very active though and can be very challenging, particularly dd2. and i'm just about to have another week of screaming and shouting at them, taking away treats, threats etc.

how are you kind to your kids? what does it mean for you?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Sep-08 19:55:59

Maybe it's a cliche, but I think it starts with you being kind to yourself? I know I am a zillion times nicer with mine since I started feeling happy (i.e. split up with a stressy knobhead and met my lovely DP who makes me skip with delight in comparison...) Maybe look at what's going on with you? I'm sure people will have loads of suggestions, but that's what occurs to me!

nickytwotimes Tue 23-Sep-08 19:56:39

My ds is only 2 and some days I feel like I am constantly telling him off. I do try to make some nice time for us - go to the park or read a story together - and it makes such a difference. Something where it is just the two of us and i am focussing only on what we are doing. i'm guessing it won't be so easy when he si older though!

twoluvlykids Tue 23-Sep-08 19:57:01

lots of cuddles, if i can get them near me (mine are teens)

bribery works, financially now

instead of shouting, try lowering your voice, sometimes that works

i don't know - it's lovely when they're lovely, horrible when they're horrible

Whoopee Tue 23-Sep-08 21:35:47

I don't know how old yours are. I only have one, who's about to turn 2 and just hitting that challenging stage.

I have days of shouting and exasperation. The running joke in the house is "God, it's like trying to reason with a one-year-old." Those are my selfish, self-pitying days, when all I want is to bury my face in a bucket of coffee and be allowed to read in bed quietly for just once in my life.

It is an effort, a really hard effort sometimes, but I try to defuse stroppy, grumpy situations with laughter.

If my daughter starts bleating or whining about something, I try - instead of getting pissed off - to pull a funny face and mimic her noise, but in a funny, theatrical, not derisive, way. It descends into a contest of who can make the stupidest noises and faces.

Or I say "Have you got grumps?" and get out the bicycle pump, which is for hunting grumps with, and I go pfft pfft pfft with it to chase the grumps out. Under her chin, under her armpits, etc. It sorts her out and makes her laugh 90% of the time.

Then I clap my hands and say "Right! Now we're going to do [xyz]", even if [xyz] is just getting some dried split peas and chucking them from one plastic cup to another, or putting the radio on and seeing who can dance the most ridiculously.

Really, it's about trying to enjoy the time rather than make it a struggle. I'd rather listen to my own sense of humour than my bad temper. But Jesus Christ it's tiring. And I only have one child, so I have no excuse to be tired really.

streakybacon Wed 24-Sep-08 14:06:58

Reward works better than punishment. Turn everything around so it comes out that they're gaining for cooperating rather than losing out for not.

Eg: "If you don't tidy away your toys I'm not taking you to the park" sounds antagonistic and grumpy and sets kids' backs up. It sounds as though you expect them not to so they kind of feel they can't win, so are less likely to cooperate. Whereas a smiley "Let's tidy these toys away then we can go to the park" is a reward for doing as they're told.

And tell them every day that you love them and are proud of them, which children always appreciate.

Leenie Wed 24-Sep-08 18:58:47

Hi Lovecamping, i had a book when mine were younger which i found a really helpful tool, its called how to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so your kids will talk, its not just the regular page after page of someones opinionwritten in type text, , it chapters into stages and exercises and you work through the book bit by bit as you progress through the given excersises and then move on to the next when you feel ready, there are pages for you to write in your own bits, and i really found that it helped change the way i dealt with my kids behaviour which in turn actually changed their behaviour, good luck x

pagwatch Wed 24-Sep-08 19:01:53

lovecamping

my top tip is prepare everything you possibly can for the morning the night before
For me , if the day starts badly and i am hassled I never seem to get it back.
Whereas if I get up and am ahead ofthe game and we all have a nice start to the day it is waaay better.I have realised i tendto shout at the kids if I am hassled whereas if i don't feel underpressure it does not escalate

DoubleBluff Wed 24-Sep-08 19:05:05

I have a sore throat from shouting at mine this morning. i only wanted DS2 to get dressed.
Taht resulted in him being grounded this evening so that lead to a tantrum from him, then more shouting thn more threats.
Roll on wine oclock!¬

Thankyouandgoodnight Wed 24-Sep-08 22:16:43

Maybe think about whether you would like you as your parent and what you would like you to do / not do?

Thankyouandgoodnight Wed 24-Sep-08 22:17:28

didn't mean that to sound so pious sorry! Too much vino plonko grin

S1ur Wed 24-Sep-08 22:20:51

a superb book IMO

My dd calls it the how to be nice to your children book grin

ANd it is sort of!

And get some sleep, I really think that for most tiredness is a massive factor in being grumpy and cross with dcs.

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