It has dawned on me and i need it to stop.
This morning ds (5) was kicking up mud in the playground.
Lurvly polished shoes, people sitting in front of him...getting the mud on them.
SO i called him over, told him to stop,
he did it again twice so i told him that i would tell his pals mum that his pal could not come for tea next week if he did it again, he went over and started to snidely kick the mud again,
Ok, there is a feeling of gut wrenching blackness in my stomach that comes when he is disobedient.
This then turns into depression, that can stay with me for days and days.
Its so bizzare, i felt it come today and for the first time, it occurred to me that this happens allot.
It is disabling, negative and destructive.
Its the feeling of, well, that i have somehow "lost" my boy, that he is beyond me at times.
is this an issue of control, or what?
Its awful.
Why do i get like this and how can i stop it?
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Any one any goo at psychology? why oh why do i do this?
41 replies
deanychip · 23/09/2008 09:22
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