The kids and their dad. How do I deal with this?

[MrsSnape]

I seperated with my boy's father about 4 years ago. He was never really interested in the kids, always saw them as an inconvinience or annoyance and thought more of spending hours on the PC than anytime with the kids.

When we split up he only had the kids for one night every fortnight and I think that was only because he 'had to' in order to a) keep in contact and b) keep the maintanance payments down.

Anyway he's a terrible role model for them, every other word is 'fuck' or 'shit', he took them to the cinema a few weeks ago without checking the listings and then kicked off outside the cinema because they'd missed the film, ffing and blinding and called the cinema 'cock-suckers' etc all in front of the kids and my son said people were walking past tutting at him and avoiding walking near them.

He's constantly getting in fights and thinks it's funny that he beat someone up at work and now half the lads estate is looking for him. This is also his new excuse as to why he can't have the kids often "I can't walk around my area, I'll get beat up"

Anyway I just think the kids could do without this kind of influence. My eldest (9) is now constantly swearing...calling people "nob head" (which could only have come from his dad...or school I suppose) and shouting "shit" or "f*ck" whenever the mood takes him. I hate it, this is NOT the kind of man I want to bring up.

How do I deal with this? My eldest doesn't like his dad all that much, he even said he'd like to go to his grandmother's house on boxing day but it would be better if his dad wasn't there. He moans if I say his dad is coming to pick him up. Ironically though, he is SO MUCH like him its uncanny.

[Elasticwoman]

Be consistent in your own parenting. You can't change what the father does, but you can have your own rules for what is acceptable in your own house.

They will soon realise they feel safer with you. sounds like they already do.

[NappiesGalore]

yeah. unfortunately you just have to be perfect s they see the difference between the two approaches to life. while he gets to behave like a shit and have no regard for consequences, you have to do all the 'parenting'. aint life fair and grand?

[Hassled]

Even if the penny hasn't dropped yet with your DS1 that there is right way and a wrong way to behave, the penny will drop sooner or later. It's very tough on you now but you will have a much much better adult relationship with your DCs than your ex can ever dream of. In the meantime, while you obviously can't ban all contact, but you can certainly do as little as possible to facilitate it.

[Tryharder]

Hi Mrs Snape, are you close to your ex partner's mother? Could you ask her to have a word with your ex about his swearing etc?