DS is REALLY annoying me, he has ONE interest, would it be cruel to take it away?(28 Posts)
DS (9) is OBSESSED with the PC. The rule is (at the moment) that he can put it on after he is ready for school so he makes a half arsed attempt at getting dressed (usually in dirty clothes as he's too busy concentrating on the PC he doesn't even notice), he doesn't comb his hair, lies that he's brushed his teeth and had a wash...when I say "make sure you're ready to leave the house" he says "ok" then as me and DS2 are at the door I shout of him and he comes running downstairs in a flap "I can't find my PE kit" "where is my sweater?" "where is my shoe?" "I've lost my water bottle!" "where did I put my homework?" etc etc...all to get a few extra minutes on the bloody PC.
You can't talk to him whilst he's on it or he snaps, whinges and whines...if I dare to use it myself he is up my back whinging "It's my turn?" "when will you be finished?" "Is it my turn yet?" CONSTANTLY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
He comes home from school and turns it straight on, I tell him "get out of your uniform and fold it nicely" he screeches "ALRIGHT!" I go up 10 minutes later to find his sat there on the PC in his boxer shorts (because he can't be arsed to get dressed) with his school uniform FLUNG across the floor whilst he sits with his face glued to the PC.
The ONE healthy interest that he did have he can't be bothered with anymore. It really upsets me because he was doing so well at karate, going up through the grades, competitions, making friends....now I ask him "are you going to karate tonight?" and he peels his eyes away from the screen to say "dunno, maybe" a few months ago he would have answered "course I am". He just can't be arsed with anything other than ffing PC.
Would it be cruel to completely BAN it for a month or so? Just to see how he gets on and if things change? he would be DEVESTATED but I think it would do him good?
We've tried parent controls but it doesn't make much difference.
I wouldn't ban it.
I would move it into a family room.
Not allow access to it before school.
Give him a chart of things he has to do before he can use it in the evenings ie: hang up uniform.
Let him have a certain amount of time on it a night.
Don't get into any negotiations.
If he doesn't follow the rules, reduce the time the next night.
I'd certainly ban it before school, and set rules to stop him using it before getting changed, etc. And I'd say he couldn't use it during karate club time. Also I'd ban him from using it if he was rude to other people during their use of the pc.
DS1 is a bit obsessive about computor so I know how you feel.
Oh and I agree: wouldn't have pc in ds's room.
ditto exactly what HHCC said
ther eis no point saying you can do X after you have done Y. because all that will happen, as you have found, is that Y gets done crappily in order to get X quicker.
start up karate again. don't ask him if he is going, just say "you need to get ready for karate, we're leaving in 15 minutes" or wehatever.
he'll enjoy it once he gets back into the swing of it I am sure, if he loved it before.
I would take it out of his room
he would have to earn time on it
he would have to go to karate
Depends what he's doing on it - gaming ? Surfing ? chat rooms ? I wouldn't be bothered about time spent, but would want to know about and engage with his interests.
Me and DH (who's childhood love affair with PCs has developed into a very lucrative career) are both PC obsessed ourselves so have little hope of exerting any control It'll be a right bunfight when DS is old enough. I think we'll probably get him a laptop !
You need to ban PCs in the morning IMO. We did that with TV years ago - makes a big difference.
Drag him to karate. My DS is the same with tennis and swimming but he enjoys it when he is there.
You need different rules. The ones you have aren't working.
Agree a time limit for the evenings and if he doesn't stick to it he gets a one-day ban, or whatever. He might be very cross, but he'll soon learn.
Computers, TV, video games of any sort before school are just wrong IMO. And is there a reason that you're allowing him to get ready unsupervised? Seems a bit unfair to be cross with him for not doing it properly when you're allowing him to use the PC and get himself ready for school.
Don't ban it. Sit him down, say PC/TV will not be on in the morning at all,then can go on when he's done his homework in the evening foras long as you think appropriate. Take him to karate and tell him you won't let him give it up.Ignore all whinging.
I am very laid back about TV/PC use but never, ever have it on in the mornings before school or my children would be just the same.
If he won't comply, yes, take it away for a week. I have done this with eldest son's X box when he wasn't doing his homework.
I would STOP the use in the morning.
I would also take him to karate.
After school I wouldnt let him switch it on until he had done all the things you wanted him to do NICELY. And if he kicks up a fuss, he has to wait an extra 30 minutes. He will get the message soon enough.
My dd loves the computer. But there are clear rules about when it goes on. All the stuff you mention, has to be done first.
I would say sit down and have a calm discussion with him. Say you are unhappy with the way PC is dominating his life, and you want to negotiate some guidelines and rules to work by, and ask him what he thinks reasonable.
You could suggest to him that one thing you have considered is an out and out ban, but want an option to be more reasonable.
I would certainly ban PC before school.
You also need clear guidelines about usage. If you are on the PC it's very rude for him to interupt in that way.
Actually just now ds1 asked if he can use the PC and I said Ok, but I need 5 mins peace first. He knows that means he has to go away (without sighing, complaining or sulking) and I have to have 5 mins uninterrupted otherwise he won't get on at all. And the same applies if I say 20 mins or 30 mins.
I think you need to change your rules slightly.
I agree that going on the PC in the morning ought to be knocked on its head.
At the end of the day I think he should have a clear list of things he has to do and have "signed off" by you before he gets x amount of time on the computer - until bath time / tea time or whatever so if he takes an age to do the basics he gets less time for the fun bits.
I too think you should move the computer to a more public area.
Remove a cable, so that he can't turn it on at any old time and keep it to a set amount of time, when he is allowed to use it...
I don't agree with banning it completely just because you've failed to limit it. That's punishing him for your fear of being strict.
Our PC is never turned on before school ever!! I'd never allow that and can't believe anyone would quite frankly. And each child has set hours on the PC. DS1 our addict also has a set limit of hours per day that he's allowed to be on it at all, as often the little 2 don't take their goes and he just stays there all day.
If I pay for an out of school or evening activity then he GOES whether he wants to or not. It's not hard to take the power lead off a computer you know!
MrsS I think you have previously posted about your son, and I posted that mine is the same. Well he is in this respect too, although with my ds1 he is absolutely obsessed with his ds and his xbox (and games on the pc too). He has hysterics when I take it off him or limit it. He is completely over the top and talks about dying if he loses it.
Anyway, in our house I have had to have a total ban on the games during the week (I have to physically take the ds off him as he is so addicted to it, he can't resist), and I limit them to 45 minute stretches at weekends. He gets hysterical when the 45 minutes is up, but after a [long] while gets over it! He also loves reading and warhammer and rediscovers these once he is deprived from his games.
It isn't easy though!
I agree that you have to manage his use better. The trouble is, it can be quite convenient when it suits us to just let them get on with it. Then we want to start limiting it when we've let it get out of hand. This might not be the case in your house, but I think I'm a bit guilty of it (my DSs have been playing the Wii for an hour now while I'm having a break )
So I think you have to up your game as well. Help him get all his things ready, so that when everything is done to your satisfaction (and you've helped him to do this) he'll get more time. Also, take him to karate. Don't make all this his responsibility. Help him get back into good habits.
oh my god you need to sort him out. He sounds awful
arrange lots of after school activities for him to do, and then take him there so he cant back out of it.
He needs to be sociable and to get lots of exercise! i cant believe he doesnt do anything after school!
what about school sports clubs?
my dd does something every night apart from a thurs, and it keeps her from doing nothing or rotting her brain.
you need to take the pc away totally, i think.
Time to get strict I'm afraid. No pc before school or until homework done or on a karate night, not in bedroom and for a limited period.
Agree with the others. Ban it before school completely and remove it from his room.
DSs are banned in our house before school for similar reasons.
Can you plug it in on a timer switch that doesn't work before a certain time or is he clever enough to work this out?
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